Stories on Reframing (Part 1)

Some of you have asked me for some stories on “reframing”. Well, I thought I will start off 2013 by relating some true experiences using reframing:-

Story No. 1 - Salesman using “reframing”  to sell his product

My schoolmate, Yip Chee Seng informed me that three months ago, he received a call from a salesman who wanted to sell him a subscription for cable television channels. The salesman informed Yip that if Yip subscribed for 24 months of cable service, he will receive the decoder for free. Yip told the salesman he wasn’t interested as he has already an existing subscription. The salesman tried to persuade him but to no avail. Three months after that phone call, Yip received another call from the salesman.  This time the salesman started out by saying, “Congratulations, Mr Yip! You have won a decoder for FREE!!!” Initially, Yip was excited as he had never won anything before. After a while, reality sank in and somehow the voice sounded familiar. Yip asked the salesman, “Wait a minute, the decoder is free?” The salesman replied, “Absolutely! There is no charge at all”. Yip then asked, “But I need to subscribe for 24 months?” The salesman quietly replied, “Yes”. Yip asked, “How is this different from the offer you gave me 3 months ago?” The salesman went absolutely quiet. The conversation ended there.

What can we learn from the above? Did the salesman reframe correctly? Well, I think he did. Did the salesman get a desired result? Well, the answer is “No”. Yip was put off. Firstly, Yip felt that he had being misled. Yip felt that the salesman wanted to play a fast one on him. Even though the reframing was done correctly but it was not done appropriately. What the salesman should have done was that he should have dropped the first call he made to Yip and started out by saying by “Congratulations, Mr Yip! You have won a decoder for FREE!” You see, by dropping the first phone call and making the second one, Yip would not have been alerted about the salesman’s real intention. By making the first phone call, Yip was already on guard and very much alert on the salesman’s intention. Of course, ultimately, it would be up to Yip to decide if wants to accept the offer or not.

Story No. 2 - Reframing by inserting “positive pressure”

A few years ago, I was involved with a non-profit organisation. The organisation wanted to raise funds by selling dinner tickets. For some reason, the tickets were selling rather slowly. Almost all the volunteers including me were pretty lacking when it came to selling stuff. We were pretty straight forward when we approached our potential “purchasers”. Many of them were too polite to say “no”. They would make excuses such as “let me think about it” or “I need to ask my spouse first”, etc. Then one of our members by the name of Allan came and joined us. Allan was a seasoned salesman. He is a successful businessman selling office equipments and stationaries. I told Allan about our uphill challenge in selling the tickets. Allan said, “No problem. Come with me and you will learn”.

Allan made an appointment to see a mutual friend of ours. This mutual friend of ours was a thrifty guy and in my heart, I was saying to Allan, “Good luck in dealing with him, buddy”. Allan and I went to see this friend of ours. Allan started out by telling this friend about the reason for the charity dinner and the purpose of the organisation. Well, no big deal there. I have done exactly the same thing. Then Allan asked our friend whether he would be interested in purchasing the tickets. As expected, our mutual friend replied, “I need to check with my wife first whether we have plans for that evening. I also need to check my diary and blah, blah, blah”. I looked at Allan’s body language and facial expression. Not once did Allan showed any disappointment or was he disheartened. I could see Allan was rather emphatic with our mutual friend. Allan was nodding his head in agreement with our friend indicating he agreed and understood our friend’s predicament. Allan did not interrupt our friend when he gave his reasons about not purchasing the tickets. After our mutual had finished his speech, Allan simply said, “There are only 2 tickets left. I thought you would like to have it before I sell it to other people”. Suddenly, our mutual friend reached for his wallet and bought the tickets immediately. Instead of asking our mutual friend whether he wants to purchase the tickets, Allan reframed his statement and intention by limiting our mutual friend’s options. When you have so few options, it is quite easy to decide, isn’t it?

It is interesting how a human being acts and reacts. When a person is put under pressure, suddenly the person is able to make quick decision. A lot of times, we tend to take things for granted. We think that the person or the thing will always be there when we need it. A perfect example was something that happened to me recently. I was procrastinating about packing my personal items for relocation to Sydney. I had a lot of things on my mind such as what to pack and which items I should store in KL. That was just that - merely thinking and thinking but no physical action on my part as I am just merely procrastinating. To me, it felt like I still have got a lot of time in my hands. When we finally appointed an International Movers to ship our things to Sydney, it dawned on me that the actual duration was pretty restricted. The Movers gave us just one week to get everything identified and packed. It would have been easy if it was just one place but we had three places to pack and move! When it came to making decision on what to take and what to discard, suddenly I found courage and became decisive. I disposed a lot of stuff which under normal circumstances, I would not have thrown away. I read that humans tend to make rational decisions when under pressure. Perhaps, Allan could have read that when he used his reframing and positive pressure on our mutual friend!

Happy New Year 2013!

Happy New Year 2013! I hope everyone had a wonderful time last night celebrating and ushering the new year. As for me and my family, we had leftovers for dinner in the house. We didn’t want to go out as the streets will be too crowded plus finding a parking space in the City would be a real challenge. Besides that, my schoolmate, CS Yip was over at my place with his workmen doing some work. Since it was getting to dinner time, I suggested to Yip to get some takeaway food for his workmen.

We decided to take a short drive to The Mall which is a stone throwaway from our Condominium in Kuala Lumpur. As some of you who are staying in KL will know, The Mall will be closing down soon for massive renovation. Even though there were still retailers and shops operating in the Mall but the place was unusually quiet, especially on a New Year eve. We got some chicken rice for the workmen and made our way back to the Condominium. After Yip and his workmen left our place, Jennifer and I did some massive cleaning - mopping and sweeping the floor. By the time we finished, it was almost 10.30pm. All of us went to bed at 11.00pm. We heard the fireworks but were just too tired to wake up to have a peep. Turning back the clock, I remembered how excited I got whenever New Year eve comes around but as I grow older, it just became another day in my life. A positive day I might add as a lot was accomplished on 31st December 2012. Finally, I wish all of you a healthy, productive and a wonderful 2013!

Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Hello everyone, I am back!!!! It has been a while since I posted. For the last one month, I have been extremely busy. I have to look for movers to pack and move our big items to Sydney. We got a 40 foot container to ship those items to Sydney - door to door. Apart from that, I have to pack and sort out a lot of things which I have kept over the years. It was time like this when we began to wonder, “why on earth did i buy all these things when in reality I didn’t even use half of it?” I guess it is human nature to just “buy and own it”, thinking that we may use it one day or the “thing” may become handy someday. I suppose the greatest draw is the sense of having to “own it” that makes a person buy it.

We have also sold our old family home in Klang and the premises where my office is located has been rented out. So, there you have it - we have to sort and clear all of our things in 3 different places. Jennifer and I had a massive headache of what to keep and what to throw away. Somehow, for me, I have form certain emotional attachment to some of the items. For example, a particular pen that was given to me by a close friend seem to find an emotional attachment to me. The pen was no longer usable. The practical thing is to throw it away but the emotional part of me says to keep it. However, at the end of the day, the practical side of things won. The best compromise I did was to take a photo of the pen and it became part of the history in my life.

The packers were very good and efficient in their job. I will be writing more about the packers later in the blog. But for now, my family and I would like to wish everyone a very “Merry Christmas” and all the very best.

Do you remember your school song?

SK Seri Hartamas' school song sung by Class 2012

LA Salle Klang's school song sung by Class 1985

I sure do. However, do you remember the NAME of your school song? No, I don’t. All I remember was that it goes something like this, “All through our classes, a voice is resounding.....”. I remember the lyrics well but somehow the NAME of the school song just slipped my mind. You probably wonder, how can a person still remember the school song after close to 30 years. Well, as my former schoolmate and friend, Winston Pang said, “How can you ever forget a song that you have sung every Monday for 5 years. Somehow the words are etched in your brain just like information stored in a computer hard disk”. That was a good reframe by Winston! Last year (2011), we had a class reunion (Class 1985) at La Salle Klang. We actually visited our old classroom and had the same class monitor (Harry Hubert) and our Form 2 class teacher (Bro Andrew Loke) with us. We decided to reminisce our old school days by having the class monitor giving his usual command “Class stand, good evening Bro Andrew” and then followed by us (the former students). We ended by singing the school song which everyone remembered.

Recently, I attended Ashley and Douglas’ “Prize Giving Day” and “Graduation Night”. There was a good mix of students coming from different classes and from different years singing the school song. I am not sure whether those who were leaving school realised at that time, that was probably the last time that they would be singing the school song in their school uniform. Anyway the school song was sung in high spirit with pure gusto. Have a listen to both school songs (both mine and my children) and see who gave a better performance! :-)

Have you tried the "salted peanuts" on board Malaysia Airlines (MAS)?

If you have not, you should. The "salted peanuts" are really good!

I know I have written about Malaysia Airlines (MAS) and talked about its service before in this blog. Like all things in life, we have to be fair with our comments. If we feel there are certain things lacking then we should voice out our concern and perhaps even suggest ways that can help to improve the situation. Likewise, if there are things which are done well, we should be generous with our praises and that is exactly what I am going to do in this posting.

My views on Malaysia Airlines’ food are still the same - unpalatable! However, I reiterate my admiration for the cabin crew and their inflight service. On our MAS flight from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur recently, we were served with some refreshments. The refreshments consisted of drinks (juices, sodas, beer, wine or water) and packets of salted peanuts. The cabin crew who attended to us was one Lee Siok Choy (I hope I got his name correctly) whom I noticed was very good in his job. He would made cheerful remarks to the passengers while serving them. It wasn’t so much of what was said, it was more of the way he interacted with the passengers that made them feel at ease. He was also very attentive and efficient. Before the food cart was pushed towards our section of the aircraft, he was already taking orders for food (you know the standard “would you like the fish or the chicken?” Initially, I doubted that he could remember all of the orders but surprisingly he remembered them and directed his colleagues to serve the right food to the respective passengers. Ashley, Jennifer and I ordered the Noodles (Vermicelli or “Bee Hoon”) with beef while Douglas had chicken. It was a mistake to order the Noodles as it didn’t taste good at all. As a matter of fact, Ashley threw up on board the flight, not sure if it was caused by the food but I suspected it may have something to do with it. The only consolation was the mango ice-cream which was very good. The mango ice-cream was from Australia.

I didn’t realise at that time that our cabin crew Lee Siok Choy was observing that we were not eating the food except for the salted peanuts which by that time I had already consumed four (4) packets. Lee Siok Choy has a very keen eye, he saw that both the passenger in front as well as Jennifer have empty mineral water bottles in their seat pockets. He immediately offered to fill up the bottle for them which they happily accepted. When the time to serve the snacks came, we were given the option of either “chicken or vegetable pie”. Sounds palatable? Well, the pies came in a cardboard box and it was nothing like the chicken pie or vegetable pie that we know very well. We have been frequently served with this “snack” whenever we flew with MAS. Naturally, I declined the “snack”. Lee Siok Choy was shocked that I declined the “snack” and asked again and again whether I am sure about it. He said to let him know if I changed my mind. Anyway my decision was firm.

As the plane was about to land and being the observant person, Lee Siok Choy offered to give me a few packets of the salted peanuts which I have been eating to fill my tummy. That was a very nice gesture which I truly appreciated. I must add here that all of the cabin crew on board that particular flight were friendly and helpful but to me, Lee Siok Choy stood out. He has got some good people skills and I believe would make a rather good Mediator. So, Lee Siok Choy, if you are reading this post and you are interested to be a Mediator, please let me know!

Meeting Sir Peter Mooney

Dato' Dr Sir Peter Mooney and me

Yesterday, I had the honour of meeting and having lunch with Dato’ Dr Sir Peter Mooney. My father and I were very keen on meeting Sir Peter, especially after reading his book, “A Servant of Sarawak: Reminiscences of a Crown Counsel in 1950s Borneo”, a fascinating book about Sir Peter’s journey and life in Borneo. I will share a little more about the book later. My good friend, Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of the Bar Council) put me in touch with Sir Peter and we set a date for lunch at the Chinese Restaurant located at the Royal Selangor Club in Kuala Lumpur.

Sir Peter Mooney autographing his book

Now, you may be curious to know who exactly is this person, Sir Peter Mooney? Dato’ Dr Sir Peter Mooney is an illustrious lawyer being the co-founder of Skrine, one of Malaysia’s leading law firms and had served as the Attorney General of Sarawak in the 1950s. Sir Peter Mooney hailed from Ireland but was educated largely in Scotland. Being a brilliant student, he literally sailed through his education on scholarships  based on merit. Sir Peter Mooney had his first taste of Far East when he fought in one of the toughest battle in World War II in Burma. Sir Peter Mooney fought with the British Fourteenth Army under the command of General Sir William Slim (who incidentally became the Governor-General of Australia in 1953). After the war, Sir Peter Mooney continued his education and subsequently was called to the Scottish Bar. Sir Peter Mooney practised law for a short while in Scotland until he was appointed as a Crown Counsel for Sarawak by the Secretary of State for the Colonies in the United Kingdom. Being a linguist, Sir Peter Mooney managed to pick up the local languages such as Malay, Iban and Mandarin rather quickly. Sir Peter Mooney was subsequently appointed as the Attorney General of Sarawak and had faced many legendary opponents (Defense Counsels) such as David Marshall and Lee Kuan Yew. Many of the notable names which we frequently come across in history books such as Sir Malcolm MacDonald and Sir Anthony Abell were people that Sir Peter had worked with and were colleagues of Sir Peter.

Sir Peter's book - a good read

I found Sir Peter Mooney’s book, “A Servant of Sarawak: Reminiscences of a Crown Counsel in 1950s Borneo” a rather good read. The author’s style of relating his experiences and the thorough and vivid description of how the lifestyle of the people in Borneo at that time gives you a feel of the 1950s in “wild Borneo”. The readers could actually feel and see the things that Sir Peter had gone through in those years (perhaps not the same experiences he had but you get an idea). The author shared some interesting cases which he handled and made it even more interesting by adding some anecdotes here and there. The book is written in a simple style and easy to understand. This book is highly recommended for those who wants to know about the colonial times.

Dato' Manan listening attentively to Sir Peter's experiences in Borneo

With Datuk Mahadev Shankar (former Court of Appeal Judge)

The lunch was marvelous. I ordered a number of dishes consisting mainly of vegetables as Sir Peter is more keen on vegetables compared to meat. Joining us for lunch was my dad, Dato’ Abdul Manan Othman (former Cabinet Minister), Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of Bar Council)  and Puan Hendon Mohamed (former President of the Malaysian Bar). I have also invited Lim Chee Wee (current President of the Malaysian Bar) but he sent his apologies. During lunch, we bumped into Datuk Mahadev Shankar (former Court of Appeal Judge), we shared some jokes and had a few laughs and he had to go on his way to another function.

Sir Peter Mooney with a copy of my book

I brought along a copy of Sir Peter’s book and requested for his autograph which he obliged. After that, I presented Sir Peter an autographed copy of “Mediation Skills and Techniques” and a few memorabilia. Sir Peter Mooney is a great man and I must say that it is indeed an honour and privilege to meet you, Sir Peter (if you are reading this post) and hope to catch up with you again!

Thank you and good-bye SKSH - "SKSH forever"

"SKSH forever"

The Proud Mums

Ashley with few of her good friends

The "cool boys" of SKSH

The words said it all

The Finale - "Sealed with a Kiss"

Saying goodbye...until we meet again!

Ashley embracing her good friend, Safia Razin

On 6th November 2012, Jennifer, Douglas and I attended Ashley’s farewell night at Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Hartamas. It was a fun evening with good food and entertainment. The event was well attended by the Standard Six pupils (the event was for them as they will be leaving school soon), the Principal, teachers and parents. The Standard Six pupils put on a very good show with some individual singers, choir and dancing ala 1960s style. The theme of the night was “Retro Night”. Jennifer and I didn’t know what “Retro” was so we googled it and this is what it says, “old fashioned” style. Again, the definition was rather vague and we clicked “images” and then we got it! It means the bell bottom and colourful era. Initially, Jennifer wanted to wear “kebaya” but that may not fall into the category of “Retro” so we decided to wear something less formal.

The Standard Six pupils put on a splendid show. You could see that a lot of efforts were put into the performance. What amazed us were the camaraderie and the genuine friendship shown by the pupils to each other. If only the adults could behaved like that, the world would have been a peaceful one. For a short while there, even the parents were behaving like 12 years old - giggling, laughing and teasing each other.

The food was good with a lot of nice local flavour such as “satay ayam” (chicken satay), “soto ayam”, nasi tomato, fried fish fillet, “ice kacang” and “teh tarik”. The food was served ala “buffet style” and the lines were orderly.

The finale on that evening was an emotional and touching one. The Standard Six pupils were invited to the stage to deliver three (3) songs as a final tribute to the teachers, parents and friends. It started with “Ilhamku” (My inspiration), “To Sir with Love” and the last one was “Sealed with a Kiss”. I could observed from the songs that somehow the lyrics and the tune had an impact on the students’ emotions. “Ilhamku” was sang quite solemnly and then when it came to “To Sir with Love”, some of the students’ voices were already cracking and when the famous words “Though we gotta say goodbye for the summer.....” from “Sealed with the Kiss” was sung, tears were beginning to flow. What made it even more emotional was than when “Sealed with the Kiss” was sung, the students in an orderly manner moved and shook hands with each other. Some even embraced and let the tears flowed freely. Even some of the parents including Jennifer shed a few tears. After having spent six (6) wonderful years at Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Hartamas, you can’t help but feel emotional. Jennifer, Ashley, Douglas and myself would like to say a big “thank you” to all the wonderful teachers and friends that we have met along the way. Whenever you are in Sydney, please look us up!