Last November, I attended the “Family Dispute Resolution Course” (“FDRP Course”) in the Gold Coast. The course was conducted by Bond University and it ran from 12th till 16th November 2014. It was a small class consisting of about a dozen participants or so. By completing the course and successfully undergoing 10 hours of family mediation supervision, one can apply to register as a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner with the Commonwealth of Australia’s Attorney General’s Department.
The first 4 days of the course covered topics such as separation and divorce, child focus and child informed mediation, parenting agreements, managing family domestic violence in a family dispute resolution, intake and risk assessments. The final day (Day 5) was where we put everything together and apply what we have learned by participating in the role plays. There were three role plays altogether. Each participant was given the chance to be the Family Mediator in one of the role plays while for the other two roles plays, the participants will play the role of either the husband or the wife. Even though, I have written and played a number of role plays but somehow the role plays here were different. In fact, it was quite an eye opener for me. Let me share with you what I have learned from the role plays:-
1. Emotions - as one would expect in any family dispute, there will be a lot of emotions involved. What made these role plays stood out was the fact that the role players played their roles really well. I mean really really well. In the role play that I participated, the person who played my “wife” had tears flowing, choking voice, etc. It was either the person was an excellent role player or perhaps, it could have touched a raw nerve somewhere. When you are faced with so much emotions, the whole situation or simulation became real. It gave me a deep appreciation on what family disputes are like and its complexity, especially when it comes to children. Like it or not, the nucleus family is broken irregardless of whatever parental arrangement or agreement that they may have in place. To me, having parental agreement is merely to introduce some normality into the children’s lives after the break-up and allowing the children to spend some time with both parents either separately or in some cases jointly such as on special occasions (for example, the child’s birthday). The tears which I have seen in the role play were real and it shook me up a little and it became even more apparent when I became the Family Mediator.
2. Cross-cultural issues - to me, they played an important part in the role play. Being the only person of Asian descent in the class and playing the role of an Asian husband with a Caucasian wife, I had the added bonus of seeing the relationship breakdown from a different cultural perspective. In fact, I told my wife (I mean my real wife, Jennifer), that I had the rare privilege of having two different Caucasian wives in one day! In the role play, apart from the glaring differences between the husband and wife as given in the script, I have also experienced differences that came out during the mediation which were not in the script. For example, the way that my Caucasian wife in the role play wanted to raise the child (the role player made this up as it was not in the script) was different from the way I wanted. That itself became an issue in the dispute even though it wasn’t in the script. As the argument became heated, my Caucasian wife broke into tears (the role player did a splendid job) and said, “I hate you because I love you!” I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to respond. Because I did not respond, she said it again and added, “Did you hear what I just said?”. I responded honestly and said, “I heard what you said but I don’t know what you meant”. That brought more tears from her. To be honest, I really didn’t understand what she meant. It could be a cultural thing but to me, the statement sounded oxymoron to me. Anyway, that was my sincere feedback given at the end of the role play. After the end of the role play, the person who acted as the Family Mediator in her feedback said that the statement was such a romantic one and it would have pulled my heart strings. Well, it certainly didn’t pull my heart strings, but I didn’t want to say it as I could see that the role play had affected the person playing my wife.
There are many things that we can learned from these role plays and it certainly opened my eyes to many things. For example, it gave me a deep appreciation of those who are in mixed marriages. I admire their level of understanding and compromise that made those marriages a successful one. Of course, in the role play, I only know my “Caucasian wife” for a short while but I am sure in real mixed marriages, they would have gone through many trials and tribulations before they decide to tie the knot. The result of which is a happy and a wonderful family to cherish.
The first 4 days of the course covered topics such as separation and divorce, child focus and child informed mediation, parenting agreements, managing family domestic violence in a family dispute resolution, intake and risk assessments. The final day (Day 5) was where we put everything together and apply what we have learned by participating in the role plays. There were three role plays altogether. Each participant was given the chance to be the Family Mediator in one of the role plays while for the other two roles plays, the participants will play the role of either the husband or the wife. Even though, I have written and played a number of role plays but somehow the role plays here were different. In fact, it was quite an eye opener for me. Let me share with you what I have learned from the role plays:-
1. Emotions - as one would expect in any family dispute, there will be a lot of emotions involved. What made these role plays stood out was the fact that the role players played their roles really well. I mean really really well. In the role play that I participated, the person who played my “wife” had tears flowing, choking voice, etc. It was either the person was an excellent role player or perhaps, it could have touched a raw nerve somewhere. When you are faced with so much emotions, the whole situation or simulation became real. It gave me a deep appreciation on what family disputes are like and its complexity, especially when it comes to children. Like it or not, the nucleus family is broken irregardless of whatever parental arrangement or agreement that they may have in place. To me, having parental agreement is merely to introduce some normality into the children’s lives after the break-up and allowing the children to spend some time with both parents either separately or in some cases jointly such as on special occasions (for example, the child’s birthday). The tears which I have seen in the role play were real and it shook me up a little and it became even more apparent when I became the Family Mediator.
2. Cross-cultural issues - to me, they played an important part in the role play. Being the only person of Asian descent in the class and playing the role of an Asian husband with a Caucasian wife, I had the added bonus of seeing the relationship breakdown from a different cultural perspective. In fact, I told my wife (I mean my real wife, Jennifer), that I had the rare privilege of having two different Caucasian wives in one day! In the role play, apart from the glaring differences between the husband and wife as given in the script, I have also experienced differences that came out during the mediation which were not in the script. For example, the way that my Caucasian wife in the role play wanted to raise the child (the role player made this up as it was not in the script) was different from the way I wanted. That itself became an issue in the dispute even though it wasn’t in the script. As the argument became heated, my Caucasian wife broke into tears (the role player did a splendid job) and said, “I hate you because I love you!” I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to respond. Because I did not respond, she said it again and added, “Did you hear what I just said?”. I responded honestly and said, “I heard what you said but I don’t know what you meant”. That brought more tears from her. To be honest, I really didn’t understand what she meant. It could be a cultural thing but to me, the statement sounded oxymoron to me. Anyway, that was my sincere feedback given at the end of the role play. After the end of the role play, the person who acted as the Family Mediator in her feedback said that the statement was such a romantic one and it would have pulled my heart strings. Well, it certainly didn’t pull my heart strings, but I didn’t want to say it as I could see that the role play had affected the person playing my wife.
There are many things that we can learned from these role plays and it certainly opened my eyes to many things. For example, it gave me a deep appreciation of those who are in mixed marriages. I admire their level of understanding and compromise that made those marriages a successful one. Of course, in the role play, I only know my “Caucasian wife” for a short while but I am sure in real mixed marriages, they would have gone through many trials and tribulations before they decide to tie the knot. The result of which is a happy and a wonderful family to cherish.
