The Launching of “Mediation Skills and Techniques”

The book launch held on 14^th May 2012 was a great success. We had about a hundred people who attended the launch. Mediation Skills and Techniques became a best seller on that day. The books were completely sold out. A number of guests were disappointed that they were not able to purchase the book on the day of the launch. However, the publisher Thomson Reuters / Sweet & Maxwell Asia managed to remedy the situation by handing out order forms and promising quick delivery as soon as the books are in stock. For my part, if you have received the book, please contact me at Seumas@MediationSkills.org and I will be more than happy to autograph it for you.

Speaking about autographing, the books were supposed to go on sale after the official launch, however, something amusing happened along the way that got the books to go on sale before the official launch took place. Immediately after the workshop, I was approached by Mahendran from Thomson Reuters’ marketing department to sign two copies of the book. One copy was to be given to Lim Chee Wee (President of the Malaysian Bar) while the other was to be given to Datuk Kuthubul Zaman Bukhari (Chairman of the Malaysian Mediation Centre /Chairman of the Asian Mediation Association) as token of appreciation for launching the book. As I was signing the two copies, I did not realize there was already a queue forming in front of me waiting to purchase the book. I was truly humbled by that experience to see so many of you supporting my writing career. Mahendran asked me whether he could go ahead to sell the book in view that Mediation Skills and Techniques has not been formally launched yet. Well, for logistic reason, I asked Mahendran to go ahead with the sale as there was already a line forming. I was most delighted to meet so many of you and it has been an honour and privilege to sign so many books on that day. By the time Mediation Skills and Techniques was officially launched, the books have already gone out of stock. According to the Publisher, this was one of the rarest moments as far as they can remember or perhaps the first time ever that the books were completely sold out at a launch! 

The programme for the book launch started right on the dot (the Malaysian time concept certainly did not apply here!). Rachel Tan being the ever gracious person accepted my invitation to be the MC for the book launch. She did a splendid job! The programme started with a short speech from Prakash Nagarajan who is the Business Development Manager, Thomson Reuters / Sweet & Maxwell, South East Asia who represented the Managing Director who was away at that time. 

Immediately after Prakash’s speech was my turn to speak. In my speech, I shared with the guests on what inspired me to write and how I believe in writing books which are easy to read and understand, simple and yet practical. I informed the guests that I do not believe in writing voluminous books and if anyone can even remember half of what they have read, that would have been fantastic. It was precisely for that very reason, I put in a lot of stories and illustrations in the book. It is my hope that the readers are able to relate to those stories and easily recall the techniques and skills when the need arises. It is easier to remember the story rather than the theory. At the end, I thanked all those people who have supported me and gave me unconditional love all these years – just to name a few, my beautiful wife Jennifer, my kids Ashley and Douglas and my parents.

Immediately after my speech came Lim Chee Wee’s speech. Chee Wee, the ever humble fella who had sportingly allowed me to pick on him during my speech started by saying “In consistent with my height, my speech is going to be SHORT!!!” Chee Wee gave a very touching speech saying that the Malaysian Bar will miss me when I move to Sydney at the end of the year. Chee Wee paid a small tribute to me by saying that when I leave Malaysia, I will be leaving a small legacy behind knowing that the book will leave a mark in Malaysia. Chee Wee urged me to consider to remain as a lawyer in Malaysia and also a lawyer in Sydney, thus becoming an international lawyer (hmmm…..sounds tempting but I am not sure whether the Legal Profession Act 1976 would allow it. I need to check on that).

The next speech came from Datuk Kuthubul Zaman who said that when he first met me, he was amazed that I could hypnotized people, however, at that time he wasn’t sure whether I would make a good Mediator. Datuk Zaman related some old and amusing stories and finally concluded that I have met all of the criterias (I am not sure what the criterias are now) that made me an excellent Mediator! Well, thank you for your kind words, Datuk. It looks like I got some big shoes to fill!

Then the highlight of the launch was the signing of the mock book cover by Lim Chee Wee and Datuk Kuthubul Zaman. It was a wonderful day for me. Many friends attended the launch. Some of them were my former school mates like Yip Chee Seng and my good buddies, Choong Tuck Meng and wife, Daniel Boon, Leong Meng Leong, Syed Annuar, Sharifah, Francis Chong, Mark Ong and Suresh Kumar. His Excellency, the High Commissioner of Singapore, Mr Ong Keng Yong and the Counsellor Mike Kuek were there as well. My fellow Mediators, Gunavathi, Nacha, Tejinder, Wong Lu Peen, Sivanesan and Sumathi were there to lend support as well. I have also invited the High Commissioner of Australia who unfortunately was unable to attend as he had a prior engagement. In view of my ties with Australia, it would have been nice if the Australian High Commission send a representative to the launch instead. Oh, well.....things happen for a reason.  

I would like to mention a special thank you to my good friend Yuen Wing Soon whom I regard as one of the top photographers in Malaysia for taking all the wonderful pictures. Yuen normally takes photographs of catwalk models. I guess by taking photos of me, it would be a great challenge for him, especially the touching up of the photos! As my wife said, even though the launch has been over for more than a week, my tail is still wagging!

Introduction to "Mediation Skills and Techniques" workshop

In conjunction with the launching of “Mediation Skills and Techniques”, I conducted a workshop called “Introduction to Mediation Skills and Techniques” at the Raja Aziz Addruse Auditorium, Bar Council. We had over 40 participants in that workshop! I was informed that as at to date, this is the biggest group of participants in any Mediation training course held at the Bar Council.

The purpose of the workshop was to introduce some of the techniques in creating rapport, eliciting information and accessing the parties as an effective way in communicating with people. We started the workshop at 9.00am by doing a quick overview on what is Mediation and the protocols associated with Mediation. After that, we explore the concept of reframing, anchoring/associating and “mirroring”. We then applied those techniques in creating rapport and eliciting information. To demonstrate the use of those techniques, I had the privilege of meeting a very nice and enthusiastic Mediator by the name of Kamsimah Mohamed from the Financial Mediation Bureau. She sportingly volunteered to be my “target” and shared with us some information of her private life. Thank you, Kamsimah!

After that, we had a couple of breakout sessions and then time for a tea break. As usual, Mr. Ragu and his team (the caterers) provided some mouth watering food such as nasi lemak and some kueh for breakfast. I did not partake in the food as I normally do not have a heavy meal when conducting workshops.

After the break, we did listening skills and more techniques. I introduced the technique in picking up cues from the parties. That segment went on until 1.00pm. We then took an hour break for lunch. Again, the lunch prepared by Ragu was sumptious! What followed after lunch was something different. I decided to hypnotise the participants and created a “Circle of Excellence”. The “Circle of Excellence” is a subconscious programme that the participants can call on when they require a boost in their confidence either to speak or to perform in public or whenever they want to feel motivated.

Immediately following that, we did a role play. The role play was done in two different styles. The role players were Sivanesan Nadarajah, Rachel Brooke, Jonathan Yoon and myself. I think the participants enjoyed the role play as there were some laughter and applause.

All in all, I believe it was a pleasant workshop. I am truly privilege and honoured to have met so many people both from near and a far (as far as from Penang) who attended the workshop. Some of them include Natalie Shobana Ambrose (an Analyst with ISIS and a Columnist with The Sun), Kamsimah Mohamed (Financial Mediation Bureau), Nehrman (Financial Mediation Bureau), Ibrahim Baharom (IRD, Ministry of Human Resources), Farez Mohd Ali Jinnah (a young and upcoming lawyer) and Khairul Anuar Che Azmi (Universiti Sains Malaysia). If there are participants who are reading this article, feel free to comment as I would love to hear from you.

Being able to read Body Language saved my life

Like the title says, I am so glad that I am able to read simple body language (non-verbal communication). Had I not been able to pick up signs from that particular person’s body language, there was a great likelihood that I would have been robbed. As a Mediator, I find picking cues from body gestures go a long way when mediating. By learning to read simple body language not only helps in mediating but also in my everyday life!

This incident took place on a Sunday, 6^th May 2012 in Klang. I was in Klang with Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of Bar Council), Mike Kuek (Counsellor with the Singapore High Commission) and my father. Mike was kind enough to have his driver pick up all of us in the Embassy’s car. I must say that was my first time being inside an official Diplomat’s car and to be driven by an official chauffer, that was like the icing on the cake! Anyway, we went to this little coffee shop for breakfast in Bukit Tinggi, Klang. After breakfast, we found Mike’s car but we couldn’t locate the driver. My father and Catherine decided to stay near the car in case the driver turns up while Mike and I decided to split up and try to locate the driver.

While walking towards some shops (mind you, it was a Sunday so most shops were closed), I saw this tanned skinny looking guy with a cap pulled down so low almost touching his eyes walking towards me in a rather fast pace. He was wearing an old shirt and torn jeans. As he was approaching me, he actually made eye contact with me. He had this hard and cold eyes staring at me and he did not even blink. His body gestures and movements indicated to me that this person was taking a hard stance and moving aggressively towards me. The manner that the person was moving towards me was pretty threatening. One thing I learned through this experience is that contrary to what most people believe, an aggressive person does not shy away from his/her potential victim but rather they prefer to stare into the eyes of their potential victim by intimidating the potential victim and psyching themselves to take that aggressive action.

So, what did I do? Well, it was too late for me to run away, and for me to shout “help” would be rather hopeless, as there was nobody around who could come to my aid on time, so I did what I have learned in my hypnosis class. I tried to shock and awe him. I stopped and positioned my body with my shoulder pointed towards him and looking at him as if I was in a ready mode to move either direction. I could see the aggressive guy was rather confused with that body posture that I was demonstrating. Before he could come out from that daze, I started to talk pretty loudly as if there were people behind me and before he could even take his next step, I was making all sort of body gestures by moving hands animatedly as if I was talking and giving orders to a group of people. Suddenly, he just turned around and walked away. As he was walking away, another guy with a similar appearance walked towards him. He seemed to be telling the guy “to abort” their plan to rob me. His hand gesture was a clear tell-tale sign.

As he was walking away from me, I silently thank God and gave a sigh of relief. As I was walking towards Catherine, she informed me that the guy was going to rob me. Catherine said that from where she was standing, she actually saw the whole thing. The guy and his friend were waiting at the field near by and when he saw me walking alone, he decided to make his move. Catherine couldn’t warn me as she was quite a distance from me. Catherine also confirmed that the second guy was an accomplice and we can assume that they were going to attack and rob me. Two things I have learned from this experience. One, always be alert and observant and two, be prepared to shock and awe the person so as to throw the person off his/her track. I am so glad that my hypnosis lessons and my basic body language skills helped me in my time of need.

The Launching of Lee Hwa Beng's book -"PKFZ - A Nation's Trust Betrayed"

On 17^th April 2012, I attended the launching of Dato’ Lee Hwa Beng book's called “PKFZ: A Nation’s Trust Betrayed” at 1Utama, Bandar Utama. The book was co-authored by Ms Lee Siew Lian who is a former journalist. The book is published by The Malaysian Insider.

The book launch was an intimate affair held in one of the cafes at 1Utama and was classified as a “Private Function”. As expected in all “Private Functions”, the attendees were all invited guests. Initially, there was a bit of concern that the book launch may not go on due to “interference” from outside and the rumor of a Court injunction that would have prevented the launch from happening. Luckily, the book launch went on smoothly without any hindrance.

As the title says, the book is about the Port Klang Free Zone scandal that costs taxpayers up to RM12.5 billion. When Lee Hwa Beng was the chairman of the Port Klang Authority (PKA), he suggested independent investigations be carried out which ruffled the feathers of certain personalities. In his book, Lee Hwa Beng chronicles the story of PKFZ and shared his insights when he was the Chairman of PKA.

There were quite a number of personalities who attended the book launch which include, R. Nadeswaran (Citizen Nades from The Sun), Datuk M Rajasingam (formerly General Manager of LPK who served with distinction and later on became a Board Member of LPK when Lee Hwa Beng was Chairman), our very own Senior Member of the Bar, Haji Sulaiman Abdullah and not forgetting the avid reader and Most Active Borrower of Books for 2011, National Library, David Tan Tai Kim.

The book was launched by Dato’ Seri Ong Tee Keat and Saudara Lim Kit Siang who are both Members of Parliament. Lee Hwa Beng told the guests that he wanted someone from Barisan Nasional (ruling party) and someone from the Opposition (Pakatan Rakyat) to launch the book as the book is above politics and PKFZ is a national interest and concern. Lee Hwa Beng then turned to Ong Tee Keat and asked him in jest, “You are still in BN, right?” Ong Tee Keat gave a big smile without giving a definite answer. Everyone is left guessing……….

I thought Lee Hwa Beng gave a nice informal speech – brief, simple and sweet just like the man. Saudara Lim Kit Siang gave a speech with hints of political remarks here and there. He ended his speech by saying that if Pakatan takes over the Government, they would form a Royal Commission to investigate the scandal. As for Ong Tee Keat, he is an eloquent speaker but I found his speech was a bit too long and after a while it gets a bit tiring. We have to remember we are in a book launch and not a seminar. Overall, the speeches were okay.

After the launch, the organizers had 100 “special commemorative” books for sale. Each of the“special commemorative” book is autographed by the author Lee Hwa Beng, Ong Tee Keat and Lim Kit Siang. For some reason, I find it rather strange why they did not invite Siew Lian who is the co-author to autograph the book as well. The "special commemorative" book was selling at RM100.00 a copy. As for the normal book, it is retailing at RM28.90. If you go to the KL International Book (which will end on 6th May 2012), you can get it at 20% less. It is a good book and worth checking it out.

I had a chat with my fellow author, Lee Hwa Beng and invited him to my book launch on 14th May 2012. Unfortunately, he would be in overseas at that time otherwise, it would be nice if he could come and see for himself how Mediation can work effectively in bridging communication and getting matters resolved. Can the PKFZ fiasco benefit from Mediation? Sure, it can. Mediation can certainly get things moving quicker and the best place to vent and find closure.

My visit to Ipoh for Pre-Mediation Conference

The venue for the Pre-Mediation Conference

Recently, I was appointed to handle a “Court referred” mediation in Ipoh. “Court referred” mediation means that the matter is kept in abeyance in Court while the parties sought private mediation to meet their needs. I have not been to Ipoh for many years and was pretty excited to go there to attend the Pre-Mediation Conference.

Pre-Mediation conference is where the Mediator will explain to the parties what is Mediation, the Mediation process, the objective of Mediation, confidentiality and basically to answer any questions the parties may have. Pre-Mediation is not compulsory but it certainly helps if the parties have not been to a Mediation before. In this particular Mediation, we have quite a number of parties involved. Many of them have not been to a Mediation before, therefore we have to use the Perak Bar as its venue to accommodate everyone.

I was the only passenger in the entire ETS coach!

The first step in getting to Ipoh is to determine the mode of transport. Driving would be too tiring and flying is not an option as there are no longer flights available from KL to Ipoh. Therefore, this only leaves me with one choice and that is by rail. I decided to try the Electric Transit Services (ETS). The time duration for the trip from KL to Ipoh and vice versa ranges from 2 hours to 2 1/2 hours. It depends on whether the train is an express train (meaning there  are no stops and takes 2 hours), limited stops (ie: 7 stops and  takes 2 hours and 15 minutes) or the normal ETS (which means 13 stops and  takes 2 1/2 hours). Due to my schedule, I took the ETS with limited stops to Ipoh and the normal ETS from Ipoh to KL.

The Pre-Mediation Conference was scheduled  in the afternoon. I had plenty of time, so I  decided to take the 10.45am ETS from KL Sentral. My wife, Jennifer dropped me at the station with enough time for a “teh tarik” and some cookies which I brought from home. When it was time to board the train, there were a number of charming stewardesses guiding us but  somehow I found myself in the wrong coach. Nevertheless, I just sat in that coach since it was empty. When the train was moving, the stewardess came to collect my ticket and informed me that I was sitting in the wrong coach. When I was going to remove my things, she just smiled and said, “It is going to be quite a long walk. Why don’t you just sit here and be comfortable?” I smiled and thanked her. Since the coach was empty, I had all the seats to myself. During the entire journey, I was surfing the internet with my IPAD 3G while listening to my MP3. I made a few phone calls to my friends Kenny Lai (lawyer and mediator) and Leong Cheok Keng (lawyer) who are practicing in Ipoh, to see if they are available for lunch. Both of them had prior appointments, so lunch will be very much on my own.

My lunch at the Old Town White Coffee in Ipoh

For lunch, Kenny Lai recommended me Miner’s Arm which unfortunately was closed, so I proceed to the Old Town White Coffee. I had the kway teow soup and their famous white coffee. I must say the kway teow was really smooth and soft. It virtually melted in my mouth. The service was excellent and the waiter who was not much older than me called me “Uncle” which I thought was quite amusing.

After lunch, I went to the Perak Bar for the Pre-Mediation Conference. During the Pre-Mediation Conference, I applied the “mirroring” technique to make the parties comfortable.  I was matching and synchronising my movements with the parties. The Pre-Mediation Conference lasted about an hour. 

With my old buddy, Edwin Gomez

After the Pre-Mediation Conference, I had about 2 hours of layover time before my ETS to KL. I decided to call up an old friend, Edwin Gomez whom I have not seen for years. Edwin Gomez used to work as the General Manager in one of the leading banks in KL. Today, he is retired and living in Ipoh. He dedicated a lot of his time in doing charity work. He helps out in the soup kitchen for the poor and homeless three times a week. Way to go, Edwin! Edwin came and picked me up for some hot thosai, "koli varuval" (dried chicken curry) and a round of “teh tarik”. Before I left I took a photo of Edwin and myself for we do not know when we will see each other again.

On my way back to KL on the ETS, it was raining heavily. This time, I got into the right coach. The coach was packed with every seat taken except the one next to mine. It was a relief but a bit awkward. As a Mediator, I am used to people approaching me and talking to me but when that did not happen, I felt strange but a good feeling nevertheless!

Congratulations to my father!

My father, David Tan Tai Kim is an avid reader. He loves reading books relating to current affairs, local interests, history (World War II, the Emergency period, etc) and biographies. Besides reading books, he surfs the internet and reads all of the newspapers from cover to cover. It was no surprise that on 23rd April 2012, in conjunction with World Book Day, he was given a Certificate of Recognition for being the Most Active National Library's book borrower in 2011. He received the Certificate of Recognition, book vouchers and more books(!) from the Director General of the National Library, Datuk Roslin Abu Bakar (New Straits Times, 24th April, 2012). Not bad for a  person who just turned 77 years young last February. Everyone should make attempts to read and increase their general knowledge. We need to go beyond the text books given in school. Take the initiative and make it a habit to read! 

Readers may want to ask, has my father read my book Mediation Skills and Techniques? Good question. For that, you need to ask him!