Sunday 14 July 2013

Empathy with Action - my experience


In this post I will share with you a real story which happened to me in 2011. It not only involves a person having empathy but it also involves the person taking action based on that empathy. The action taken by the person is something that I will remember fondly for many years to come.

In 2011, my father undergone a major surgery at the Damansara Specialist Hospital in Petaling Jaya. At that time, I was practising law as a sole practitioner and I still vividly remember that when my father was admitted in the hospital, I had a matter fixed for appeal in High Court. Every few minutes during the hearing, I had to take a look at my mobile phone to see if there were any text messages from my wife who was with my father, my mum and my late aunt Ah Mai at that time. As many practicing lawyers in Malaysia would know that getting a postponement from the Court was a huge challenging task even for an urgent situation such as this. As soon as the hearing ended, I rushed out from the Court and raced to the hospital to be with my family. Even though, the opposing Counsel failed in his appeal but he was very gracious when he sent me a text message to wish me all the best and a quick recovery to my dad.

I got my then secretary, Michelle to inform the clients who called the office to inform that I will not be able to respond to them immediately but will get back to them as soon as I can. While in the hospital, I received a call on my mobile phone from an important client of mine who is a “Datuk” (a titled person in Malaysia or some people would equate the “Datukship” to a “knighthood” in the UK). The “Datuk” enquired about an important matter which I was handling for him at that time. I briefed him and he could sense that I wasn’t speaking in my usual tone. He asked if I am ok? I informed him about my father and he quickly informed me not to worry about his matter, that can wait. The “Datuk” asked me to look after my father and before ending the call, the “Datuk” informed which hospital was my father in and when I informed him, the “Datuk” quickly said goodbye and hung-up.

As many of us know, medical fees in private hospitals are very high and one will certainly feel the pinch if one does not have a medical insurance to help cover some of the costs. Let me say here that the “Datuk” was a long term client of mine but we hardly talked about our families, let alone my financial background. When the “Datuk” heard that my father was in a private hospital, I had a surprise when my secretary, Michelle called me the next day to inform that all the bills which were issued to the Datuk’s company, some as recent as a couple of days ago were paid by the “Datuk”. Apparently, he got the driver to drive all the way from his office (about an hour away) to hand deliver the cheque. Some of you say may asked what is the big deal about this since those are the bills that he needed to pay anyway? Well, the big deal here is that like in most big companies’ commercial practices, bill are normally paid at the end of the calendar month or sometimes may dragged up to a few months for payment to be processed. However, when the “Datuk” heard about my father’s condition and that my father was in a private hospital, he felt that I needed the money the cover the expenses for the hospital and medical, therefore, he empathized with me  and took immediate action to make all payments immediately. This may seem like a small matter to some people but to me it takes a bigger man to have  such gesture and that makes him a successful person he is today. Obviously, for privacy reasons, I can’t name the “Datuk” but he is a low profile and successful businessman and I can understand why his businesses are flourishing. 

Saturday 13 July 2013

The "Satay Method" - using simple train of words


I am reminded of a story about how a simple minded person used simple train of words to “con” a “satay” seller. “Satay” is a very popular dish in Malaysia. It is similar to kebab with condiments such as onions and cucumbers served with peanut sauce. I was told that the quality of the peanut sauce is the main contributor in determining whether the “satay” is tasty or otherwise. Even without the “satay”, by just dipping the onions and cucumbers into the sauce would make a satisfying meal. The condiments are usually served without additional charge with the “satay”.

In those days, the best “satay” could be found in the “kampungs” (small villages). There was a guy by the name of Aziz who loves “satay”. Aziz was a simple person who lived in the kampung. One day Aziz was yearning for some good “satay”, so he ventured into the best “satay” stall in the village. The following conversation took place between Aziz and the “satay” seller:-

Aziz:                   How much is a stick of “satay”?
“Satay” seller:    Sixty cents
Aziz:                  How about “Kuah” (peanut sauce)?
“Satay” seller:   Free
Aziz:                 How about the cucumbers?
“Satay” seller:   Free
Aziz:                 Onions?
“Satay” seller:   Free
Aziz:                Well, in that case, I will just have the “Kuah”, cucumbers and onions!

Naturally, the “Satay” seller was caught by his own words when he offered the “kuah” and the condiments free of charge. You can see that it is so easy to go with the flow when a certain pattern or train of words are used. By the time the person realized it, the person was already trapped by his own words or  made a commitment without realizing it. This is a common method used by litigation lawyers when cross examining witnesses. The technique is to confine the questions to a “yes” or “no” answer or to get the witness to reply with a short answer and to throw the questions in a rapid pace without allowing the witness to ponder the questions for too long. The litigation lawyer will initially start with a simple question and when the litigation lawyer sees that the witness is becoming comfortable or over confident, he starts shooting rapid questions and before you know it the witness would probably get caught by his own words on some of the subsequent questions. The witness will then need to wait for his lawyer to re-examine him to correct any “mistakes” that he might have made during the cross-examination. This is a technique that one should be cautions of as it sometimes mess up our line of thoughts and put us in a vulnerable position.