Don't be shy, reach out and get that help!

One of the important things I learned in the working world is that if someone says, “I owe you one, do let me know if I can do anything for you”. If you need this person’s help, go for it and please do it soon otherwise the person would have forgotten what has just been said. From my experience, most gratitude don’t last very long. People will usually say nice things when they have received help but when you leave it for too long, the great help that has been given to them doesn’t seem to be that “great” after all. An exception would be for those very few people who gives help unconditionally BUT they are very few and almost in extinction So, don’t be shy, reach out and get that help.

Vacation at Club Med Kani, Maldives

Club Med Kani is situated on Kani Island, Maldives. It took us a little more than four hours to fly from Singapore to Male which is the capital of Maldives. Unlike most airports in the world, instead of catching a taxi or a bus, we went straight to the jetty which is just outside the airport to catch our “ride” to the Kani Island. The boat trip from the airport to Club Med Kani took about 40 minutes. It was an exciting and unforgettable experience. Imagine yourself sitting in a speed boat with your life jacket tightly fastened at midnight in almost complete darkness in the middle of the Indian Ocean…sounds exciting? Well, it got even more exciting when the boat came across choppy waves. The ride became very bumpy with our adrenaline constantly flowing thinking to ourselves “Are we going to survive this boat ride?” The waves were very choppy but the driver of the boat skillfully handled the boat that only an experience person could do. Alas, we were all safe when we approached the calmer waters in the Kani Island. As we approached the jetty of Club Med Kani, we could hear the music of Bruce Mars’ “Uptown Funk” playing in the background which woke us up from our anxiety and sleep. There were a number of Club Med’s staff standing in the jetty. Each of the staff was assigned to look after the different groups of guests. We were greeted cheerfully by Lauren who is a “Genteel Organiser (“Go”)” of Club Med. A “Genteel Organiser” is similar to a Guest Relations Officer. Club Med has GOs who speak a diverse range of languages. Lauren who is from Venezuela was assigned to look after us as she speaks English besides her native tongue of Spanish. The moment we stepped onto Club Med’s jetty we were blown away by the black ink beautiful starry sky as there were no city lights to ruin the stars’ glow. It was midnight when we checked into our cozy ‘bungalow’ (connecting rooms). We spent four nights there.

The first thing in the morning after we woke up, we immediately walked towards the beach. We couldn’t wait to explore this island of paradise. Fine white sand was our first view followed by a refreshingly clear shade of blue that surrounded us. The steady rhythm of the waves from the ocean made an instant calming effect. The weather of clear blue skies complimented the view.

This paradise wouldn’t be called a paradise if it weren’t for Club Med’s workers who have worked diligently to upkeep the cleanliness of this island from day to night everyday. The beach is so clean and well kept that if you are an early riser, you would be able to see hermit crabs crawling around on the white sand.

There is another type of accommodation in Club Med Kani which is the villas on stilts that are connected to the island where the occupants are rewarded with the breathtaking view of the ocean. However, be prepared to pay a premium for this luxury and exclusive accommodation.

The main restaurant in Club Med Kani is called Velhi. It features buffet style meals. What captured our hearts the most was the food which tingled our taste buds with its variety and unique flavours. The presentations and the skills shown by the chefs in preparing the food were simply amazing. Maldives is well known for its tuna which is abundant in the Indian Ocean. The tunas came in different sizes but the freshness is rated second to none. The bread and pastries was delectable and were a fusion of different flavours from different cuisines that tingled on the tongue. My mother’s absolute favourite is the chocolate cheese bread that she still gushes over until this day. The meals don’t just limit to the restaurant however as there are two bars situated on the island that serve free flow of refreshing drinks such as cocktails and fruit punch. The drinks compliment the tropical feel to the island. Sometimes during the day there will be snacks served in case you feel peckish.

The food served in Velhi is phenomenal. There are chefs that cook your food on the spot best to your liking. The presentations are modern and simple, encouraging you to take a bite of the mouth watering dishes. The types of food served are endless from Eastern to Western, each prepared to the best of standards. The chefs there strive and work hard to produce such enormous amount of food everyday as well as the waiters who are incredibly hardworking and observant to meet the diner’s needs. Every day for a week the buffet theme changes and every night the Club Med team have a special dress code so keep you eyes peeled! Every Monday there is buffet dinner by the beach if weather permits.

In the morning, the water is usually low tide and the current is calm. You can see clearly the different varieties of corals, rocks and marine fishes beneath the glasslike surface of the ocean with your naked eyes.

My family had organised a trip on our third day to go for a half day tour of shopping around Male, Maldives capital and to board into an actual submarine that will dive 30 metres deep into the ocean to view the ocean’s aqualife. In Maldives, there are many small islands scattered around and the optimal way to travel to the islands, besides plane, is boat. We boarded the boat at Club Med’s jetty for our tour and the journey to the capital was anything but boring as the boat kept bumping up and down and the wind that whipped through our hair. We were enthralled by this as the boat would rock or hit the waves so hard we would almost be falling out of our seats. My parents thoroughly enjoyed the boat ride.    

Club Med Kani is bustling with activities for its occupants. Everyday there is a schedule that fits everyone’s needs. My mum opted for yoga while my dad, brother and I went off to play table tennis and badminton, feet padding across the soft sand. There was sailing as well as snorkelling and kayaking. The most favourite activity of  them all however, was all of us lounging around near the beach, sipping refreshing drinks while we soak in the spectacular view that always takes our breath away as a family. 

Note: The above article was written by our daughter, Ashley Tan. We visited Club Med Kani Maldives from 9^th till 14^th January 2016. We booked our trip through Holiday Tours & Travel Sdn Bhd in Malaysia. The team members in Holiday Tours & Travel Sdn Bhd are very efficient and provide good customer service. You can visit their website at www.holidaytours.com.my

 

Stories on being "blindsided" and discovering a True Friend

A True Friend - Wee Keong and me (photo was taken in Sydney, 2014)

I am a fan of the US reality TV show called “Survivor”. One of the words which I often hear in that show is “blindsided”. Out of curiosity, I decided to look up the word “blindsided”. According to one of the interpretations, it means “to catch (someone) unprepared”. Oh boy! When I saw that, it brought back some memories of my childhood where I have been “blindsided” by my supposedly good friends. Let me share with you two of my “blindsided” stories:

Story: The Assistant Class Monitor

When I was in Form 1 (Year 7), I wanted to become an Assistant Class Monitor. I wasn’t interested to become a Class Monitor, I only wanted to become the Assistant. In case some of you do not know what a Class Monitor does, let me just say that the Class Monitor is like the Captain or the leader of the entire Class. Therefore the Assistant Class Monitor is just like the Vice Captain. The Class Monitor and the Assistant are usually voted in by the students in the class - a very democratic process. Being only 13 years old, I wasn’t shy to express my desire to become the Assistant Monitor and in fact, let all of my so called good friends know. Everyone that I met informed me that they would vote for me when it comes to the class election. One of my good friends went so far as to say that he would be nominating me and all of our other friends would raise their hands when it comes to the actual voting. Making a rough count of the number of votes that I should get, I have come to a conclusion that it will be an easy win for me.

When the time came for the election of the Class Monitor and the Assistant, I was pretty excited. The way the election was conducted was rather simple. A student would raise his hand, propose the name of the nominee followed by a seconder or two and once the nomination is closed, then the voting would start by a show of hands. There were a few nominees for the Class Monitor position and if I recall correctly, it was a rather close fight. When it came to calling for nominations for the Assistant Class Monitor, a first name was nominated then followed by a second nominee. I was looking around the class to see who would nominate me but no one raise his hand. I then looked at that supposedly good friend of mine who earlier informed me that he would be nominating me but alas, he didn’t even look at me as he was looking straight ahead as if ignoring me. Then someone proposed that the nomination be closed. I was rather disappointed. If I have lost the election, it would have been at least I tried but here, I wasn’t even nominated at all. All I could say is that I have been “blindsided” by my good friends. So, from an early age I learned that in politics, the only person you can trust is yourself as even your so called good friends can backstab and prove to be unreliable. Until today, I never got my answer as to why they didn’t nominate me at all. If they felt I wasn’t suitable to be the Assistant Class Monitor they could at least let me know rather than leading me on. Well, that is a “blindsided” lesson for me.

Story: Leaving for the US

At the age of 17, I left for the US to continue further studies. Before leaving for the US, my parents threw a farewell party for me in the family home. Many of my classmates showed up including those who “blindsided” me before. It was a rather fun and emotional night for me. Many of my friends gave short speeches, praising me and saying what a good person and classmate I have been and they would missed me when I leave for the US. Many of them even asked for my flight details as they would come out in droves to the airport to send me off on that day. Some of them were even saying that would be bringing placards and banners (I know, I know it sounds really far fetched but when you are 17 years old, you want to believe everything!).

On the day of my departure, my family and relatives were in the airport. While queuing up in the check-in counter, I was looking around trying to spot if any my friends were there but unfortunately none were spotted. As I was about to leave the check-in counter, I spotted my friend Tan Wee Keong (who is now a famous obstetrician & gynecologist in Malacca) standing there quietly waiting for me to complete the check-in procedure. I was deeply touched seeing Wee Keong standing there. Wee Keong has always been a brilliant student but rather reserve and quiet in class, so I didn’t expect to see him there in the airport. When I asked him how did he come to the airport? He simply replied he took a taxi from Klang to the airport which was quite a distance away. Apart from that, unknown to him that I know, it would also cost him a lot of money to travel in a taxi, especially for a young person. I was very touched with what Wee Keong did. He made every effort to wake up early, to look for a taxi to take him (him as being all alone) from Klang to the airport plus it cost so much to hire a taxi for a person who had just completed his secondary school education. My late aunt, Ah Mai was there and being a caring person  (which she had always been) immediately informed Wee Keong that  she would send him home to Klang and no need to keep the taxi waiting. What Wee Keong did was something that I would remember for the rest of my life. His sincerity, reliability and genuineness as a friend impressed me and received great admiration. I have shared this story with my wife and kids and often reminded them what a true friend is all about. You see, when it comes to choosing friends, I am no longer “blindsided”, my “blinders” are off and I can see clearly now. Thank God for that!

My take on a Holiday Romantic Movie

Well, it is the holiday season and one of my past times is watching those holiday romantic movies on the Hallmark Channel. Most of the movies are related to the Christmas holidays and they all have a common theme – finding romance in their life. One particular movie stood out for me, it’s called “Just in time for Christmas”. It stood out because it shows how omission and making assumptions changed the future of these 2 lovebirds’ life.

The storyline is basically about a female professor teaching in a small town college who has the ambition to become a famous writer and professor in an Ivy League school while the boyfriend is a simple guy that owns a coffee shop in that small town. Well, these two lovebirds were High School sweethearts. On Christmas Eve, the boyfriend felt that it was time for him to propose to his longtime but ambitious girlfriend. He had everything planned to a “T” with a dinner in an expensive restaurant (which is a big deal for a small time coffee shop owner). Right before the girlfriend reached the restaurant, she received a call from Yale University informing her that she has been accepted into one of the faculties and enquired when can she move up to New Haven, Connecticut. She was in cloud 9 and by the time she reached the restaurant and the boyfriend was in his bended knees and proposing to her, she rejected his proposal. She left the restaurant with the boyfriend chasing after her. She told him about the “good news” and the boyfriend appeared to be happy for her. She said she needed to move to Connecticut and that became a big blow to the boyfriend. Nevertheless, the boyfriend gave her the ring and asked her to keep it. The girlfriend was in tears not because of regret but rather more of feeling guilty.

Like all feel good Christmas movies, she met an “Angel” in the form of William Shatner who brought her to the future. In the future, she was shown that she became a famous best selling author plus a Professor at Yale University. When she went to her ex boyfriend’s coffee shop, she was surprised that the shop has expanded plus the ex boyfriend has opened another two outlets in other parts of the country. She also came to find out that her ex boyfriend is going to get married to a waitress who is working there. Naturally, she became jealous and wanted to woo her ex boyfriend but her ex boyfriend was loyal to the core to her now fiancée who is a waitress. However, the fiancée could see that the ex girlfriend’s visit had affected him. The fiancée told him to talk to the ex-girlfriend and seek closure. The fiancée wanted to be sure that it is she that he will be looking at in the wedding altar and not the ex-girlfriend.

When the guy approached the ex-girlfriend, they began to reminisce the  relationship they once had. The ex-girlfriend asked the one million dollar question, “Whatever happened to us?” The guy replied that “You pursued your dream and you have become very successful. I am truly happy for you because this is what you wanted” The ex-girlfriend asked, “Why didn’t you come with me?” His answer was a classic, “Because you didn’t ask”. The ex-girlfriend then asked, “Would you have come with me if I asked?” He replied, “Of course, I would do anything for us to be together but that is in the past as I have now a wonderful fiancée whom I am going to get married to”. Without giving away the ending of this romantic comedy movie, I will stop right here. The lesson to take away from this story is that, sometimes in a relationship, you need to take the lead or initiative. More importantly, do not make assumption or take things for granted. In this new generation, it doesn’t matter whether it is a guy or a lady that takes the lead, either one can do it, so long as they really care for each other.

In this particular movie (I know it is just a movie), the ex-girlfriend was thinking of herself and her future. She made the assumption that her boyfriend would not be interested in following her to Connecticut as he is an owner of a coffee show and the boyfriend is probably much more comfortable living in a small town. To her and probably a legitimate excuse to justify her leaving is that it wouldn’t be fair to him while she pursued her dream. On the other hand, her boyfriend felt that she didn’t care enough in the relationship to invite him to join her in Connecticut plus the boyfriend has what is called a “nice guy” syndrome. In other words, he was just too nice not to fight for the relationship but instead he was willing to let her go and pursue her dream. There wasn’t any exploration of options by the parties. Each of them just made assumptions and hoping the other party would take the initiative to save the relationshop. Some of you may recall an article which I posted here 2 years ago about my friend who lost the love of her life to another person because he was too shy to ask her to be a “girlfriend”. If you have not, you can read it here http://mediationskills.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-love-story-that-touches-ones-heart.html. Well, since this is the holiday season, I thought I would share with you my thoughts on a holiday romantic movie. Happy holidays!

Stories about Complacency (Part 3) - on relationship

Apart from jobs, relationship is one of the most important thing that needs to constantly work on. It is rather sad to see so many relationships get broken up because people are becoming too complacent and taking each other for granted. We always think that our spouse or partner will always be there for us, therefore, once the marriage or union has been sealed, we can go on and continue with our “single” lifestyle so to speak. There are some people who proceeded to venture into other relationships by thinking that if that relationship doesn’t work out, they can always have the option of returning to their spouse or partner. In other words, the spouse or partner will be “Plan B” in the relationship. This is clearly taking the spouse for granted. “Taking for granted” simply means being complacent. When one becomes complacent, one will stop working on the relationship which leads to a broken marriage or a broken relationship. Ultimately, it will be the affected spouse / partner and the offspring who will suffer from that consequence.

In Australia, it is a known fact that more than half of the marriages ended up in divorce. When I attended the Family Dispute Resolution course last year, I learned that the bulk of it comes from the Gold Coast which is rather surprising. Gold Coast is known to be a slow and relaxing place but yet the divorce rate (if what I have been told is correct) is the highest. Until today, I am still not able to find the cause of the majority of those divorces. If someone knows the answer, do let me know. When I made my maiden appearance in the Family Court of Australia, I was surprised to find that in the particular court which I appeared, the majority of the people who got divorced were people of Asian descents which again took me by surprise. Asians by and large value honour, integrity and pride in their family. Keeping and maintaining a happy and harmonious family is the ultimate goal that most if not all Asian families strive to achieve. When my family and I moved to Australia, my heart was torn between Malaysia and Australia and whether it was a wise move on my part to move permanently to Australia. You see, at that time I was at the peak of my career and just launched my book called “Mediation Skills and Techniques”. I was beginning to receive recognition in my field with offers to speak and conduct training coupled with an invitation to sit in a prestigious Government committee. I was very tempted but at the same time reminded of the words from a very senior lawyer friend. When this senior lawyer heard about my predicament, he asked me to go with the family and not to leave them alone in Australia. He told me that many years ago, he was in the same position as me. He has a lucrative law practice in Malaysia then and now. At that time (30 years ago), he successfully applied and got Canadian PR (Permanent Residence) for his family and him. Not wanting to leave his lucrative legal practice, he asked his wife and kids to move to Canada and he would visit them often. However the distance between Malaysia and Canada was far apart and therefore, he only get to see his wife and kids twice a year. He told me candidly that till today his kids and him are not very close because he has missed their growing years in Canada which he regretted very much. He said he could have ceased legal practice then and joined his family in Canada because he had enough funds to last him but the business side of things and his selfishness got the better of him. Till today, his wise words still echoed in my head. I too had the selfish thought of looking after myself and not looking out for the family but my friend’s words were too loud to ignore and I decided to forgo the chance of gaining recognition and reputation and be with the family. I can now say with honesty, I do not regret one bit. Making sacrifice and compromise are necessary to make relationship work and to overcome complacency.

Stories about Complacency (Part 2) - on the job

To continue from my last post. Let us look at complacency and our job. Can you still remember how excited you were on the first day of the job? You would have been extra careful and paid close attention to your job. However, the attentiveness and enthusiasm would tend to decline as time progresses. This is because we were becoming too familiar with our job and knew what to expect. To maintain that excitement and enthusiasm in the job, we need to constantly make changes and generate new ideas otherwise productivity would decline.

As some of you know, here in Sydney, I have embarked into new areas of legal practice, namely family and criminal law. I have moved away from my “comfort zone” of commercial and employment law practice. I didn’t realize that by moving away from this “comfort zone”, I have created a new exciting environment for myself. This has increased my enthusiasm, therefore reviving new interest in my work and setting aside my mundane routine. The next question people would asked me is that what would happen if one day I feel that I am getting too familiar or bored with these new areas of legal practice? Well, my answer is that unlike in my previous job, I am no longer in full time legal practice, therefore, getting myself familiar with these areas of the law will be gradual and thus, it allows the excitement to grow slowly. Ok, what about for those people who are in full time practice or doing the same thing, day in and day out, what is going to happen there? Well, when you are getting bored with your work, you have to take a break from your routine by doing something totally different or just take a holiday. You need to take some time to re-evaluate and see if you are able to improvise, innovate or generate new ideas in your work otherwise it is time to change your work routine or job. The world is constantly changing and so are we. In my next post, I will be talking about complacency and relationship.

Stories about complacency (Part 1)

One of the important lessons I learned in life is never be too comfortable or complacent. If we get too comfortable, we began to take things for granted and that will lead to high risk and even disaster. For example, when we do the same job for the longest of time, we will become too comfortable and start taking short cuts. If we are not careful, we may start making mistakes by letting our over confidence be our better judgment.

I remember when I was living in an apartment complex, the residents used to have issues with the hired security guards. When the security guards first started work in the complex, they were very strict. They would take down all of the visitors’ particulars and stopped every vehicle that entered the complex. After a while, the security guards were getting either too familiar (too comfortable) or bored with their job, they began to slack when it came to exercising their duties in ensuring the security of the complex. The security guards would sometimes omit in taking down particulars of visitors or would just allow vehicles to enter without stopping them. The security guards probably felt that they have seen all and by now would know who or what would posed a threat to the complex’s security. This can only happened when the person is too complacent with his or her job. I have suggested to the Management of the complex that it would be wise to consider changing new set of guards every 6 months. This way, the security guards would always be on their toes and would not easily fall into the trap of being too complacent. It is always exciting to do new things and the security guards would have the enthusiasm being in a new environment and working with new people. However, it is time to change once the enthusiasm and excitement die down. Complacency can be our worst enemy, therefore, we must know when to change when things are becoming too familiar or bored. In my next post, I will talk about complacency and job.