Apart from jobs, relationship is one of the most important thing that needs to constantly work on. It is rather sad to see so many relationships get broken up because people are becoming too complacent and taking each other for granted. We always think that our spouse or partner will always be there for us, therefore, once the marriage or union has been sealed, we can go on and continue with our “single” lifestyle so to speak. There are some people who proceeded to venture into other relationships by thinking that if that relationship doesn’t work out, they can always have the option of returning to their spouse or partner. In other words, the spouse or partner will be “Plan B” in the relationship. This is clearly taking the spouse for granted. “Taking for granted” simply means being complacent. When one becomes complacent, one will stop working on the relationship which leads to a broken marriage or a broken relationship. Ultimately, it will be the affected spouse / partner and the offspring who will suffer from that consequence.
In Australia, it is a known fact that more than half of the marriages ended up in divorce. When I attended the Family Dispute Resolution course last year, I learned that the bulk of it comes from the Gold Coast which is rather surprising. Gold Coast is known to be a slow and relaxing place but yet the divorce rate (if what I have been told is correct) is the highest. Until today, I am still not able to find the cause of the majority of those divorces. If someone knows the answer, do let me know. When I made my maiden appearance in the Family Court of Australia, I was surprised to find that in the particular court which I appeared, the majority of the people who got divorced were people of Asian descents which again took me by surprise. Asians by and large value honour, integrity and pride in their family. Keeping and maintaining a happy and harmonious family is the ultimate goal that most if not all Asian families strive to achieve. When my family and I moved to Australia, my heart was torn between Malaysia and Australia and whether it was a wise move on my part to move permanently to Australia. You see, at that time I was at the peak of my career and just launched my book called “Mediation Skills and Techniques”. I was beginning to receive recognition in my field with offers to speak and conduct training coupled with an invitation to sit in a prestigious Government committee. I was very tempted but at the same time reminded of the words from a very senior lawyer friend. When this senior lawyer heard about my predicament, he asked me to go with the family and not to leave them alone in Australia. He told me that many years ago, he was in the same position as me. He has a lucrative law practice in Malaysia then and now. At that time (30 years ago), he successfully applied and got Canadian PR (Permanent Residence) for his family and him. Not wanting to leave his lucrative legal practice, he asked his wife and kids to move to Canada and he would visit them often. However the distance between Malaysia and Canada was far apart and therefore, he only get to see his wife and kids twice a year. He told me candidly that till today his kids and him are not very close because he has missed their growing years in Canada which he regretted very much. He said he could have ceased legal practice then and joined his family in Canada because he had enough funds to last him but the business side of things and his selfishness got the better of him. Till today, his wise words still echoed in my head. I too had the selfish thought of looking after myself and not looking out for the family but my friend’s words were too loud to ignore and I decided to forgo the chance of gaining recognition and reputation and be with the family. I can now say with honesty, I do not regret one bit. Making sacrifice and compromise are necessary to make relationship work and to overcome complacency.
In Australia, it is a known fact that more than half of the marriages ended up in divorce. When I attended the Family Dispute Resolution course last year, I learned that the bulk of it comes from the Gold Coast which is rather surprising. Gold Coast is known to be a slow and relaxing place but yet the divorce rate (if what I have been told is correct) is the highest. Until today, I am still not able to find the cause of the majority of those divorces. If someone knows the answer, do let me know. When I made my maiden appearance in the Family Court of Australia, I was surprised to find that in the particular court which I appeared, the majority of the people who got divorced were people of Asian descents which again took me by surprise. Asians by and large value honour, integrity and pride in their family. Keeping and maintaining a happy and harmonious family is the ultimate goal that most if not all Asian families strive to achieve. When my family and I moved to Australia, my heart was torn between Malaysia and Australia and whether it was a wise move on my part to move permanently to Australia. You see, at that time I was at the peak of my career and just launched my book called “Mediation Skills and Techniques”. I was beginning to receive recognition in my field with offers to speak and conduct training coupled with an invitation to sit in a prestigious Government committee. I was very tempted but at the same time reminded of the words from a very senior lawyer friend. When this senior lawyer heard about my predicament, he asked me to go with the family and not to leave them alone in Australia. He told me that many years ago, he was in the same position as me. He has a lucrative law practice in Malaysia then and now. At that time (30 years ago), he successfully applied and got Canadian PR (Permanent Residence) for his family and him. Not wanting to leave his lucrative legal practice, he asked his wife and kids to move to Canada and he would visit them often. However the distance between Malaysia and Canada was far apart and therefore, he only get to see his wife and kids twice a year. He told me candidly that till today his kids and him are not very close because he has missed their growing years in Canada which he regretted very much. He said he could have ceased legal practice then and joined his family in Canada because he had enough funds to last him but the business side of things and his selfishness got the better of him. Till today, his wise words still echoed in my head. I too had the selfish thought of looking after myself and not looking out for the family but my friend’s words were too loud to ignore and I decided to forgo the chance of gaining recognition and reputation and be with the family. I can now say with honesty, I do not regret one bit. Making sacrifice and compromise are necessary to make relationship work and to overcome complacency.
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