Stories about complacency (Part 1)

One of the important lessons I learned in life is never be too comfortable or complacent. If we get too comfortable, we began to take things for granted and that will lead to high risk and even disaster. For example, when we do the same job for the longest of time, we will become too comfortable and start taking short cuts. If we are not careful, we may start making mistakes by letting our over confidence be our better judgment.

I remember when I was living in an apartment complex, the residents used to have issues with the hired security guards. When the security guards first started work in the complex, they were very strict. They would take down all of the visitors’ particulars and stopped every vehicle that entered the complex. After a while, the security guards were getting either too familiar (too comfortable) or bored with their job, they began to slack when it came to exercising their duties in ensuring the security of the complex. The security guards would sometimes omit in taking down particulars of visitors or would just allow vehicles to enter without stopping them. The security guards probably felt that they have seen all and by now would know who or what would posed a threat to the complex’s security. This can only happened when the person is too complacent with his or her job. I have suggested to the Management of the complex that it would be wise to consider changing new set of guards every 6 months. This way, the security guards would always be on their toes and would not easily fall into the trap of being too complacent. It is always exciting to do new things and the security guards would have the enthusiasm being in a new environment and working with new people. However, it is time to change once the enthusiasm and excitement die down. Complacency can be our worst enemy, therefore, we must know when to change when things are becoming too familiar or bored. In my next post, I will talk about complacency and job.

More emphasis should be placed on teaching letter writing in schools

In school, I was just a mediocre student. With the kind of grades I was getting in school, it makes me wonder, did I ever learned anything from school? Surprisingly, I did! I learned how to write good persuasive letters. During my school days, the teachers placed a lot of emphasis on writing letters. We started learning how to write letters in Standard One (Grade One). The teachers taught us to be creative and how to set up the purpose and the contents of the letter. The teachers also taught us how to use paragraphs effectively. In Malaysia, the students are taught to number their paragraphs so that it can be clearly seen. The reader of the letter will then be able to follow your thought process and see your argument moving from one point to the other.

In my later years, I found my “skill” in writing good, effective and persuasive letters have helped me tremendously in filing successful applications and generally, getting the other side to respond promptly to my letters. Strangely and embarrassingly I didn’t realize this until recently, which prompted me to write this post.

Last week, my daughter was lodging an application, so I asked her to prepare a covering letter to accompany her application form. When she showed me her letter, I found there was something not right with the letter. The letter was grammatically correct and there was no spelling mistake but somehow it didn’t look quite the kind of letter that I am accustomed to. So what I did was that I started making changes in her letter and returned it to her. While making the changes, I finally figured out why the the letter was strange. The letter was not written like a proper formal letter. It was written more like an email. Don’t get me wrong, the sentences were constructed perfectly without any use of short SMS language but the format of the letter was not correct. It did not state the purpose of the letter, no heading and it didn’t say the letter was from whom. By no means am I a perfectionist but there are certain things in the letter that cannot be ignored. It is my view that if one wants to be treated professionally, one has to project that image and yes, that includes writing a formal letter.

When I asked my wife and children whether letter writing is taught in school, they replied in the affirmative. However, it is nothing compared to what I have learned during my school days. When I was in school, there was a lot of emphasis placed on this topic, ie: letter writing. We learned proper letter writing from primary school right up to secondary school. Perhaps, I am from old school, but I feel that proper emphasis should be given to teaching letter writing. Believe it or not, it will help you in more ways than one when you go out to the working world. So, to all my teachers who taught me how to write a proper letter, thank you very much!

What I learned from the role plays in Family Dispute

Last November, I attended the “Family Dispute Resolution Course” (“FDRP Course”) in the Gold Coast. The course was conducted by Bond University and it ran from 12th till 16th November 2014. It was a small class consisting of about a dozen participants or so. By completing the course and successfully undergoing 10 hours of family mediation supervision, one can apply to register as a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner with the Commonwealth of Australia’s Attorney General’s Department.

The first 4 days of the course covered topics such as separation and divorce, child focus and child informed mediation, parenting agreements, managing family domestic violence in a family dispute resolution, intake and risk assessments. The final day (Day 5) was where we put everything together and apply what we have learned by participating in the role plays. There were  three role plays altogether. Each participant was given the chance to be the Family Mediator in one of the role plays while for the other two roles plays, the participants will play the role of either the husband or the wife. Even though, I have written and played a number of role plays but somehow the role plays here were different. In fact, it was quite an eye opener for me. Let me share with you what I have learned from the role plays:-

1. Emotions - as one would expect in any family dispute, there will be a lot of emotions involved. What made these role plays stood out was the fact that the role players played their roles really well. I mean really really well. In the role play that I participated, the person who played my “wife” had tears flowing, choking voice, etc. It was either the person was an excellent role player or perhaps, it could have touched a raw nerve somewhere. When you are faced with so much emotions, the whole situation or simulation became real. It gave me a deep appreciation on what family disputes are like and its complexity, especially when it comes to children. Like it or not, the nucleus family is broken irregardless of whatever parental arrangement or agreement that they may have in place. To me, having parental agreement is merely to introduce some normality into the children’s lives after the break-up and allowing the children to spend some time with both parents either separately or in some cases jointly such as on special occasions (for example, the child’s birthday). The tears which I have seen in the role play were real and it shook me up a little and it became even more apparent when I became the Family Mediator.

2. Cross-cultural issues - to me, they played an important part in the role play. Being the only person of Asian descent in the class and playing the role of an Asian husband with a Caucasian wife, I had the added bonus of seeing the relationship breakdown from a different cultural perspective. In fact, I told my wife (I mean my real wife, Jennifer), that I had the rare privilege of having two different Caucasian wives in one day! In the role play, apart from the glaring differences between the husband and wife as given in the script, I have also experienced differences that came out during the mediation which were not in the script. For example, the way that my Caucasian wife in the role play wanted to raise the child (the role player made this up as it was not in the script) was different from the way I wanted. That itself became an issue in the dispute even though it wasn’t in the script. As the argument became heated, my Caucasian wife broke into tears (the role player did a splendid job) and said, “I hate you because I love you!” I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to respond. Because I did not respond, she said it again and added, “Did you hear what I just said?”. I responded honestly and said, “I heard what you said but I don’t know what you meant”. That brought more tears from her. To be honest, I really didn’t understand what she meant. It could be a cultural thing but to me, the statement sounded oxymoron to me. Anyway, that was my sincere feedback given at the end of the role play. After the end of the role play, the person who acted as the Family Mediator in her feedback said that the statement was such a romantic one and it would have pulled my heart strings. Well, it certainly didn’t pull my heart strings, but I didn’t want to say it as I could see that the role play had affected the person playing my wife.

There are many things that we can learned from these role plays and it certainly opened my eyes to many things. For example, it gave me a deep appreciation of those who are in mixed marriages. I admire their level of understanding and compromise that made those marriages a successful one. Of course, in the role play, I only know my “Caucasian wife” for a short while but I am sure in real mixed marriages, they would have gone through many trials and tribulations before they decide to tie the knot. The result of which is a happy and a wonderful family to cherish.

What in the Court's name, are you saying?

Court room - for illustration only

They say that if you want to be a good Court Lawyer (Litigation Lawyer), you have to master the usage of the language. If you master the language, half of your battle is already won. I agree with that piece of advice but I will go further by saying that it is not just mastering the language but it is about delivering your argument effectively in that language– in other words, using the appropriate words, mastering the tone of your voice when placing emphasis, placing importance in your gestures and expressions when conveying your points coupled with good observation of the parties’ body language.

When I first started my law career in Malaysia, almost all of the cases in the lower courts were heard in the Malay language. The first ever hearing I conducted in the Malaysian Courts was in Malay. It didn’t go as well as I wanted. I found there was something missing when submitting my arguments. Even though, I have a reasonable good command of the Malay language but it was more of a “textbook” rather than everyday communication. It didn’t have that smooth flow of conversational words that one would desire. It was missing that “oomph” factor or that fiery oratory effect. After that experience, I made the decision to attend Court as often I could. Attending not as a lawyer but as a member of the public to observe how the experienced senior lawyers conduct their cases in the Malay language. From my observations, I found that most of them have a unique style in presenting their case in the Malay language. I began to model them (“modeling” as in NLP) and started to get back my confidence. When I started attending hearing again, I was able to submit with much more confidence and convincingly. The usage of the words and the flow of the language started sailing in smoothly as I presented my case. I had all of these senior and experienced Malaysian lawyers to thank for showing me the “secret” in delivering an effective argument in the Malay language.

Now in the present situation, I am still a lawyer but this time, I am a lawyer in Australia. One would think that appearing in an Australian Court would be relatively easier in view that English is native and widely spoken here. However, to my surprise, it is quite a challenge to me, especially appearing in the local courts (lower courts). Getting use to the accent and “strine” (Australian slang) makes it quite challenging for me. Whenever I stand up to address the Court, more likely than not the majority of the lawyers present in Court on that day will turn around to see who is this person addressing the bench. I always tell my Malaysian friends that this is because I am the only lawyer in the Court who speaks without an accent. My friend, Simon Ong pointed out to me and said, “It could be the other way around. To the Australian lawyers, you are the only one who speaks with an accent while they did not!” Good point, Simon! So, it looks like it is back to the public gallery for me. Back to observing and taking notes in Court, just like the old days! Hopefully, by then I will be able to say words beyond "G'day Mate!"

What in the road's name is "Lana Lok" and "Jalan Besar"?

We have all encountered this before..........the name of the road. Some of the names are quite confusing but then again it may not be the actual road’s name, it could be the person’s perception or how the person say it. Two amusing incidents come in mind and I thought I would like to share them with you.

“Lana Lok”

Recently I visited my mother’s hometown in Sarawak (located in the Borneo island) called Sibu. My mother always pride herself by mentioning that the first company she ever worked for was a company located in the main street of Sibu called “Lana Lok”. From what I understand “Lana Lok” was a busy street, somewhat like Wall Street in New York or George Street in Sydney. I never asked her much about “Lana Lok” or the meaning of its name. I thought it could probably be a name derived from the Iban language or from some other indigenous group. Even my mother’s village is called Engkilo which most likely is a name derived from the Iban language, so no major surprise there.

When we were in Sibu, I could understand some of the conversation my mother had with her relatives. They were speaking “Foo Chow” and my understanding of “Foo Chow” was at best, the beginner’s level. However, suddenly I heard “Lana Lok” being mentioned in the conversation. So out of curiosity I asked my Sibu’s relatives where exactly is this road called “Lana Lok” which I heard so much about. They said it is on the other side of the town and we will be passing there in a day or two as “Lana Lok” is still one of the busy roads in Sibu.

One night as we were driving to the restaurant for dinner, my mother made a casual remark saying that the old buildings looked familiar and enquired whether this is “Lana Lok”? The relative who was driving replied that indeed it was. Suddenly I got excited as I finally get to see the famous “Lana Lok” or the equivalent of Wall Street. I tried to catch a glimpse from the names in the various signboards but couldn’t find “Lana Lok” stated anywhere...........until when we were turning into another road and there it was, in its big majestic letters that spelt out “Jalan Lanang”. “Jalan” in the Malay language means “Road”, so the name of that road is called “Lanang Road”! Finally, the mystery has been solved. All these years, Lanang Road has been referred to by the local as “Lana Lok” and for some reason it is so catchy that no one actually bothers to correct them.

“Jalan Besar”

Many years ago, I was looking for a shop in a small town called Pandamaran which is about 40km from Kuala Lumpur. The address given to me was one “Jalan Besar”. Thinking that Pandamaran is relatively small town, it should not be a problem for me to find the address. Boy, was I mistaken. I turn every nook and corner of the town but still couldn’t locate “Jalan Besar”. Finally, I decided to ask the residents over there but no one could tell me where “Jalan Besar” is. I finally stopped by the wet market as who knows the town better than the fruit sellers, the fish sellers, etc. However, to my surprise, no one knows where “Jalan Besar” is. Feeling exasperated, I pointed to the road in front and asked one of them, “What is the name of that road in front of us?”. The guy just shrugged and said, “I don’t know the name of the road but we all called it “Tua Loh”. Suddenly, I burst out laughing because you see, “Tua Loh” in the Hokkien dialect literally means “big road”. Similarly, “Jalan Besar” in the Malay language also literally means “big road”. My view is that “Jalan Besar” was the main road or artery of Pandamaran. Since there are no words  to describe “main road (that I know in the Malay language), the authorities probably just named the road as “Jalan Besar”. So, “Jalan Besar” it is and probably would remain for a very long time.

Picking up "Hidden Messages"

What are hidden messages? Well, it is my view that hidden messages are different from subliminal messages. Hidden messages are implied messages you are conscious of while subliminal messages are encoded and designed to stimulate your emotional reaction. Sometimes a person is not able to convey to you the message directly but would leave enough hint in his or her words for you to pick up the actual message. To better illustrate this, I would like to share with you some stories:-

Story No. 1 - “The Mousetrap”

Many years ago, my family and I visited London. One evening, we took a stroll and came across St Martin’s Theatre which is located in the West End of London. We were not planning to watch a play but we thought it would be a good idea if we catch the “world’s longest running play” called “The Mousetrap”. We enquired about the tickets and were offered 4 tickets at a very reasonable price. We informed the ticket seller that we wanted good seats but all the ticket seller said was, “Sir, the best I can do for you are these seats”. Thinking that the cost was an issue, we reiterated that we do not mind paying more for better tickets but the ticket seller once again said, “the best I can do for you....”. We were puzzled so we asked him, “Do you have any other seats beside these seats?”. The ticket seller replied, “Yes, but the best I can do for you......” Suddenly, my brother caught a glimpse of the ticket pricing and noted that the rest of the tickets were for “dress circle”. In other words, one needed to be “formally dressed” to sit in that section. Since we did not plan to watch a play and were casually dressed, we were offered “non-dressed circle” seats. I assumed the ticket seller being a Londoner and a polish English gentleman, that was a polite way of him saying “since you are not dressed for the occasion, these are the only available seats for you”. We took the hint and thanked him for the “non-dressed circle tickets”.

In the above particular scenario, the ticket seller assumed that we would be offended if the truth was told, therefore, he decided to convey his hidden message by dropping hints. It would be effective if the hints were obvious but when it created even more confusion, the effect was no longer desirable. In such circumstances, it would be better if the ticket seller be straightforward about it. This interaction also tells me something about the ticket seller’s character. There is an inclination for me to believe that the ticket seller was a conflict avoider. In order to avoid getting someone upset, the ticket seller preferred to drop subtle hints rather than be forthright about it with the risk of getting blasted as the consequence of it.

Story No. 2- “Lawyers’ hidden message to each other”

One of the worst things that can ever happened to a lawyer is when the lawyer forgets or mistakenly entered the wrong hearing date into his or her diary. Due to this mistake, the case will sometimes be struck off or in the worst case scenario, default judgment was entered for failure of appearance in Court. When faced with such scenario, the lawyer has to file an application to either reinstate the case or to set aside the judgment. The lawyer has also got to face the opposing lawyer who most likely will object to the application as the duty of the lawyer is first and foremost to the Court and then to his or her client. Most opposing lawyers will be able to empathise the predicament that the other lawyer has to go through. Some of the opposing lawyers may have even gone through the scenario themselves and understand that apart from having to face shelling from his or her client, the lawyer may have to bear the cost of the application as well as the possibility of getting reported to the Bar for alleged negligence. However, we are all humans and sometimes mistakes do happened but as opposing lawyers, how do you be loyal to your client on one hand while trying to help a learned friend or a fellow lawyer on the other? Your client would expect you to object to any application to reinstate or to set aside a judgment while your conscience tells you that you too may face the same predicament one day and encounter such harsh consequences. So, again, how do you balance such scenario?

Well, the answer is the “hidden messages” in the submissions in Court. I have observed a number of occasions where lawyers were going at each other during the hearing of the application for reinstatement or setting aside of judgment. Both Counsels would be submitting back and forth while the Judge listened carefully to the submissions. The final submission from the Opposing Counsel is always interesting to observe. Whenever the Opposing Counsel ends his or her submissions along these words, “Be that as it may, I will leave it to the discretion to the Court as to whether to grant the application or not” and then stopped there. On more than one occasion, I have noticed the the Judge will then give a small smile with a nod of his or her head. A decision would then be made and it would be likely that the application be granted. The case will then proceed to a full hearing or a trial based on the merits and strength of each party’s position. Even though no one ever says this but from my observation, I believe when an Opposing Counsel says, “I will leave it to the discretion of the Court “, it conveys a hidden message that says “Listen, I have a duty to my client and I need to go all out to protect my client’s interest but personally, I don’t mind if the application is granted”. Why did I come to such an opinion? The reason is because as lawyers, we know that the Judge has the full power and discretion to decide on the case so why does the Opposing lawyer need to remind the Judge about the discretion? In my opinion, the reason is because lawyers as Officers of the Court have the duty to guide the Judge by submitting the law relating to the facts of the case but ultimately, the decision would lie with the Judge. That is why after a lengthy and vigorous submission, the Opposing Counsel would like to convey a “hidden message” to the Court, “I may have strong merits in my case but ultimately the decision is yours as to whether you want to grant it or otherwise notwithstanding my submission”. Well before I end my story on this, I would like to put a caveat to this story and say that this is just my opinion and as to whether there is a “hidden message” between lawyers and the Court, I will leave it to you to decide.

Cross-Cultural Communication in Business

This morning, I was at the Sydney Markets in Flemington. For those of you who have not been there, it is similar to the wet markets or “pasar borong” in Malaysia. Sydney Markets are opened to the general public for small purchases on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. On other days, Sydney Markets are more relevant to retailers as you can only buy items in bulk and not in small quantities. This is an interesting place to visit as there are many people from different cultural background purchasing and selling their products. I can hear many languages spoken here. Some of the languages which I recognised are Arabic, Russian, Cantonese, Mandarin and Tagalog. Needless to say, English Language is widely spoken here as well. Most of the trading and business transactions that took place proceeded smoothly with smiling and friendly faces. Since there are so many customers from different cultural background, some of the sellers applied some marketing techniques which I thought were quite clever. For example, there was this Caucasian fruit seller who addressed his Asian elderly customers “Uncle” and “Aunty” whenever they approached his stall. This simple respectful way of addressing an older person certainly endeared him to the Asian customers. In case some of you are not aware, calling an elderly person “Uncle” or “Aunty” is a form of respect which you give the elders in Asia. It has got nothing to do with whether you are related to the person or not!

On the flip side, this morning I also had the opportunity to witness an incident which I can only termed as “Cross-Cultural Miscommunication in Business”. The scene that I saw involved a Caucasian lady selling peanuts. There were 3 elderly Asian people comprised of an elderly man and two ladies. The elderly Asian man was trying to bargain the price of the peanuts with the seller. It was obvious that the man and the 2 ladies did not speak much English. I heard the man said $8.00 to the lady seller and pointed to another seller. I interpreted his gesture and message as saying that he used to buy the peanuts for $8.00 from the other seller. The lady seller just shook her head and said $10.00 and asked for the money. The man just paid the lady $8.00 and was laughing. The two ladies were also laughing. I have to say here that the elderly Asian man never raised his voice nor was he ever rude throughout this whole transaction. He was smiling all the time. As for the Caucasian lady seller, she was also not rude but firm and at times exasperated. I could empathised with the Caucasian lady seller as she didn’t understand the Asian man as to why was he not paying the full price of $10.00. To make the matter even more complicated, the Asian man and the 2 ladies left the $8.00 on the table and walked away. The Caucasian lady seller who was now really exasperated raised her voice and said, “Hey, you need to pay me the $10.00. You have only given me $8.00”. By this time, people nearby were paying attention to the scene. The Asian man and the 2 ladies knew something was not right and they looked rather confused. They said, “we paid already”. The seller said, “you paid me less”. As they didn’t quite understand English, this made them even more confused. Finally, the lady seller took out a $2.00 token and showed them and said, “I need this”. One of the ladies took out the $2.00 and gave it to the seller. The seller finally felt relief while the man and the 2 ladies still looked confuse. Okay, let’s discuss this scene and analyse what had just happened?

First of all, it is obvious there is a language barrier here but remember, we can still communicate through gestures and the “language of money” is quite universal if you know how to count! If we look at the Caucasian lady seller’s perspective, she felt (I am of the opinion quite rightly too), that she has been short changed by the customers. The fact that the Asian man pointed to the other seller and said $8.00 did not alter her position in this business transaction. In Western society, things are handled mainly in a straightforward manner, it is either this or that. For example, if you are dealing with the seller, she will probably say to you, “This is my stall and this is my price. It is not relevant how much the other person sold the item to you. You can either buy it from me or you can buy it from the other person”. The fact that the Asian man and the 2 ladies laughed throughout the transaction did not help the situation either. From the seller’s perspective, the customers are making fun of her and this irritated her even more. One of the things that most people find rather difficult to handle (irregardless of whatever cultural background you are from) is when the other person is being disrespectful or rude.

Now, let’s look at the Asian man and ladies’ perspectives. Being an Asian myself, I can understand the cultural aspect of it as well. You see, I remember when I was a young boy in Malaysia, I used to follow my mother to the wet market. It was very common for people to haggle the price or bargain when they are in the wet market. One of the common methods that I have observed was when the customer would bargained with the seller until it came to a deadlock. The customer would then just leave the amount of money equivalent to the customer’s last offer on the table and take the items which are already packed by then. When the items are packed, it is indication (as least in my culture) that the seller has accepted the offer. The seller would then accept the money and go on with his next customer.  Why did the seller accept a lesser amount? I don’t have an answer for that but my opinion is that the seller was looking at retaining long lasting business relationship with the customer. The seller would still profit from the transaction but not as much as he hoped he would get. Sometime the haggling or bargaining becomes so intense, the customer or seller or even both would just laughed to break the tension but they continued to haggle anyway. If we take this scenario and apply it to the scene at Sydney Market which I described earlier, could it be that the Asian man and the 2 ladies were using the similar haggling technique? If they were, the response they got from the Caucasian lady seller was not one that they expected. When the seller did not accept their offer, the Asian man and the ladies were probably laughing thinking that the seller was just kidding with them and thought that this could be easily settled by just giving $8.00 to the seller and that will be that. Also, the fact that the peanuts were already put in the plastic bag indicated to the Asian man and the ladies that the seller had accepted the offer. However, when the seller raised her voice, they were confused and that led to an awkward and perhaps, an even embarrassing situation.

In today’s world, many countries are becoming multi-cultural due to migration and technology. Why technology? The reason is because people are finding it easier to travel from one place to another which makes everything closer together. For migrants, as much as they want to assimilate into the local community, it is not easy for them due to spending many years in their own country and having practiced their local culture ever since they were born. It will take some time for them to adopt to the new culture in their new country, especially when it comes to everyday dealings and business. The new migrants should not ignore the culture of their new country especially when it comes to dealing or doing business after they moved to that new country. Some new migrants felt that since they would be transacting and doing business with people from their country of origin, there is no need to learn the new culture. Well, in my view, that should not be the correct mindset. In order to be competitive in this world or in the new country for that matter, we need to learn and understand business practice of different cultures - that will give us the edge and make us competitive.

We will be staying in the beautiful City of Kuala Lumpur in the Business Culture Tour

We will be staying in the beautiful island of Penang

The beautiful island of Penang

We will be having dinner at the revolving restaurant in KL Tower while admiring the beautiful City skyline

Night scene in Kuala Lumpur

This is one of the main reasons why the Australian Dispute Resolution Centre (“ADRC”) organises “Business Culture Tours” to different countries where English is not the native language. The objective of the “Business Culture Tour” is to learn and understand the people of that Country’s approach in conducting business, decision making process, negotiation methods and approach in resolving conflicts. In collaboration with the Government of Malaysia, the ADRC is organising a “Business Culture Tour” to Kuala Lumpur and Penang from 12th October till 19th October 2014. Malaysia is a multi-cultural country and it will be a fun learning experience. If you need further information about the Malaysian tour or future tours, please send an e-mail to st@adrc.net.au .