Diffusing a tense situation - The Story about a Nurse

A few days ago, while eating his dinner, my father had a fish bone lodged somewhere in his throat. It was a rather unpleasant experience. It had a poking sensation and it became even more irritable when he drank or ate. He decided to use the traditional methods to get the bone dislodged such as eating small of pieces of bread and bananas. He even tried to flush it out by drinking lots of water but to no avail. Anyway, he thought he would sleep through it and see if his throat gets any better the next day.

Now, my father is a rather tough guy and he would not see a doctor unless it is absolute necessary. That Saturday morning, he wanted to see a doctor. We decided to take him to see an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) Specialist instead. The reason for seeing the ENT Specialist rather than a General Practitioner (GP) was that the ENT Specialist would have all the necessary equipments to remove the bone. As many of us know, Saturday is always a busy day in the hospitals and clinics. We decided to go to the Specialist Hospital early at 8.30am, hoping to be the first patient to see the ENT Specialist. When we reached the ENT Specialist’s clinic in the hospital, we were informed by the nurse that there were 17 other patients ahead of us. Wow! It was going to be a very long wait. In the hospital, there was another ENT Specialist whom I know for a fact is equally good as I took my son, Douglas to see him many years ago. Imagine our surprise when we walked into the clinic and there was not even a single soul around. Err.....that included the nurse! The doctor’s office door was unlocked and the clinic was wide opened with some files and computer on the table. I was quite uncomfortable as I did not want to be accused of breaking into the clinic or anything like that. Luckily, a hospital orderly walked in with some files and smiled at us. He noticed that we looked confused and assured us that the nurse must have gone to the record room to retrieve some files.

My father and I sat down and waited and waited but the nurse did not show up. I decided to call the hospital general line using my mobile phone to enquire the whereabouts of this mysterious nurse. The hospital operator informed me that she too, was trying to contact the nurse and was equally puzzled as well. The hospital operator asked me of my whereabouts. I told her I am actually sitting in the clinic waiting for the nurse. The hospital operator sounded rather surprise as to how I could enter into an empty clinic unattended. I assume that it is standard procedure to lock the clinic and the doctor’s room when the nurse leaves. Anyway, the hospital operator told me she will contact the “boss” (whom I assume is the Nursing Manager) to contact this particular nurse.

Ten minutes went by, still no show. I decided to go to the reception for further action. The man who was attending to me at the reception counter was a rather pleasant fellow. He made a few calls including one to the “boss” but no one could trace the whereabouts of the nurse. Finally, one of the departments called and said she was on her way up to the clinic. As I made my way up to the clinic, I bumped into a nurse who looked rather unfriendly and unpleasant. To be frank, very “sour” looking. I was saying to myself, “Please don’t let this be the nurse, please don’t let this be the nurse”. As my luck had it (again!), she walked into the clinic and I said to myself, “Oh, my God. Here we go again...” Her “boss” would have probably contacted her and this was going to be a rather challenging confrontation.

When I walked into the clinic, as expected, the rudeness became very apparent. I informed her about my father’s condition. Her reply was crude. She said in an unpleasant tone that the doctor would only come in at 9.30am, she said “You will have to wait”. I replied in a calm and pleasant tone that there will be another 10 minutes, so no problem as far as we were concerned. Then the nurse said, “We have a few other patients, so you have to wait”. For some reason, I felt that she was trying to get rid of us which was rather strange as we were in a way the doctor’s “customers”. I told her, “No problem. I wish the line could be shorter as my father was not able to sleep last night and it was causing a lot of irritation (I might exaggerate here a bit!)”. I told her that if she could put a fishing hook down and remove the bone, that would be wonderful. Suddenly, she burst out laughing with a blush and said, “If only I could do that, I will probably be a doctor”. Those few words which I said seem to trigger her in a positive way. She became very friendly after that. We chatted and she laughed. In case the readers are wondering, no, I am not flirting with her. I am just being pleasant and positive. I went back and took my seat while she made a few calls. After hanging up, she came to me and said that the ENT Specialist is currently doing his rounds at the wards. She has informed the ENT Specialist that the patient has been waiting a long time for him. She also informed that she would be slotting my father in so that he doesn’t need to wait a long time. The reason was that because my father was a walk-in while the rest of the patients were on prior appointments. Prior appointments get priority.

A few moments later, more patients began to show up. I was wondering whether the nurse was going to keep her words about “slotting him in”. Another 10 minutes later, the ENT Specialist came in. The nurse looked at me and smiled. She came to us and called up my father’s name as though he was there on a prior appointment. My father went in and all was good.

What can we take from this experience? Sometimes when the situation gets rather tense, we may get frustrated and would probably say some rather unpleasant words. What would that do to improve the situation? Nothing. The nurse will get angry and as things stood at that time, she was already angry at that time as most likely her “boss” would have contacted her. I showed empathy by describing my father’s pain (though I may have exaggerated there) but nevertheless, empathy was shown when I said the words, “.... my father was not able to sleep last night and it was causing a lot of irritation...”. Words that the nurse could relate to as she is only human. I chose to make the “removing the fish bone” as the main and common issue rather than her tardiness, rudeness and clash of personalities as an issue. I reinforced that issue by making a small joke and that did it. That broke the icy character and made her into a warm and friendly person....at least for that day!