We can learn and gather a lot of information by just listening. However, many of us tend to talk more than we listen. When we talk and people listen to us, we feel a surge of power and greatness. What it basically does is that it feeds our ego and all of us do have have some ego in us. The fact that if one says that he or she does not have any ego, that statement itself is an egoistic statement! There is an old saying that states “God gives us two ears and one mouth because God wants us to listen more and talk less!”. So let’s look at the 4 simple steps that will make us a good listener!
Step 1 - “Keep an open mind”
Keeping an open mind means do not assume or make assumptions. As someone once said “by assuming means making an “ass out of u and me” !” Simple advice but we tend to disregard it when the conversation or negotiation becomes too vigorous. I remembered when I first started my legal practice, I had an attractive lady who came to see me in my office. She told me that she had left her husband and wanted to divorce him. The first thing that came across my mind was that the husband was involved with a third party, ie: infidelity. Looking at her, my immediate thoughts were “her husband is an idiot!”. When the attractive young lady started telling me her story, it became apparent that it wasn’t the husband who was involved in infidelity, as a matter of fact, it was her! She readily admitted to the infidelity and suddenly my feelings were sympathy for her husband. However, as she continued her story, I felt sad for her as she had suffered an abusive relationship. As you can see, it is dangerous to make assumptions or even to draw your own conclusion before hearing out what the other person has to say. So, my advice would be to keep an open mind and don’t draw conclusions!
Step 2 - Let the person vent with minimum interruption
The best way to let a person release “steam” is to allow the person to vent. You can gather a lot of information by allowing the person to vent. Sometimes the person may not even realised that he/she has told you things which you are not supposed to know. Therefore, you need to keep interruption to a minimum. Unless it is really necessary, let the person vent until his/her heart content and take mental notes of the relevant information you are gathering. By interrupting, you may lose the opportunity of obtaining vital information
Step 3 - Analyse the information and ask follow up questions
Once you have obtained the information, analyse them and then ask follow up questions for clarification. By analysing information, you are testing the “data” so to speak, to see if it is valid or not, ie: fact or fiction. Therefore, ask follow up questions which are relevant. The objective of the relevant questions is to help you to get the information that you require in order for you to decide your next move or next cause of action
Step 4 - Determination
Once you have got the relevant information, now is the time to determine your next cause of action as to how you want to move forward with the conversation, negotiation or resolving the dispute.
My father used to tell me smart people are usually the quiet ones. They don’t talk very much but they listen very closely to what the person has to say. As they listened, they gather information and learned. When I looked back, I absolutely agree with my father’s theory. Looking back at my school years, many of the top students were quiet people - humble, modest and well, people with very few words. I used to think that was because they were nerdy, loner or just merely being strange. After listening to my father’s theory, now I know better. Therefore, the phrase “empty vessels make the most noise” has some merit to it. So, the next time when you are in the train, bus or in a public place, just listen to the people around you and see what vital information you can gather. This would help to sharpen your auditory skill and perhaps make you a smarter person as well!
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