Merry Christmas everyone!!!!

Hello everyone, I am back!!!! It has been a while since I posted. For the last one month, I have been extremely busy. I have to look for movers to pack and move our big items to Sydney. We got a 40 foot container to ship those items to Sydney - door to door. Apart from that, I have to pack and sort out a lot of things which I have kept over the years. It was time like this when we began to wonder, “why on earth did i buy all these things when in reality I didn’t even use half of it?” I guess it is human nature to just “buy and own it”, thinking that we may use it one day or the “thing” may become handy someday. I suppose the greatest draw is the sense of having to “own it” that makes a person buy it.

We have also sold our old family home in Klang and the premises where my office is located has been rented out. So, there you have it - we have to sort and clear all of our things in 3 different places. Jennifer and I had a massive headache of what to keep and what to throw away. Somehow, for me, I have form certain emotional attachment to some of the items. For example, a particular pen that was given to me by a close friend seem to find an emotional attachment to me. The pen was no longer usable. The practical thing is to throw it away but the emotional part of me says to keep it. However, at the end of the day, the practical side of things won. The best compromise I did was to take a photo of the pen and it became part of the history in my life.

The packers were very good and efficient in their job. I will be writing more about the packers later in the blog. But for now, my family and I would like to wish everyone a very “Merry Christmas” and all the very best.

Do you remember your school song?

SK Seri Hartamas' school song sung by Class 2012

LA Salle Klang's school song sung by Class 1985

I sure do. However, do you remember the NAME of your school song? No, I don’t. All I remember was that it goes something like this, “All through our classes, a voice is resounding.....”. I remember the lyrics well but somehow the NAME of the school song just slipped my mind. You probably wonder, how can a person still remember the school song after close to 30 years. Well, as my former schoolmate and friend, Winston Pang said, “How can you ever forget a song that you have sung every Monday for 5 years. Somehow the words are etched in your brain just like information stored in a computer hard disk”. That was a good reframe by Winston! Last year (2011), we had a class reunion (Class 1985) at La Salle Klang. We actually visited our old classroom and had the same class monitor (Harry Hubert) and our Form 2 class teacher (Bro Andrew Loke) with us. We decided to reminisce our old school days by having the class monitor giving his usual command “Class stand, good evening Bro Andrew” and then followed by us (the former students). We ended by singing the school song which everyone remembered.

Recently, I attended Ashley and Douglas’ “Prize Giving Day” and “Graduation Night”. There was a good mix of students coming from different classes and from different years singing the school song. I am not sure whether those who were leaving school realised at that time, that was probably the last time that they would be singing the school song in their school uniform. Anyway the school song was sung in high spirit with pure gusto. Have a listen to both school songs (both mine and my children) and see who gave a better performance! :-)

Have you tried the "salted peanuts" on board Malaysia Airlines (MAS)?

If you have not, you should. The "salted peanuts" are really good!

I know I have written about Malaysia Airlines (MAS) and talked about its service before in this blog. Like all things in life, we have to be fair with our comments. If we feel there are certain things lacking then we should voice out our concern and perhaps even suggest ways that can help to improve the situation. Likewise, if there are things which are done well, we should be generous with our praises and that is exactly what I am going to do in this posting.

My views on Malaysia Airlines’ food are still the same - unpalatable! However, I reiterate my admiration for the cabin crew and their inflight service. On our MAS flight from Sydney to Kuala Lumpur recently, we were served with some refreshments. The refreshments consisted of drinks (juices, sodas, beer, wine or water) and packets of salted peanuts. The cabin crew who attended to us was one Lee Siok Choy (I hope I got his name correctly) whom I noticed was very good in his job. He would made cheerful remarks to the passengers while serving them. It wasn’t so much of what was said, it was more of the way he interacted with the passengers that made them feel at ease. He was also very attentive and efficient. Before the food cart was pushed towards our section of the aircraft, he was already taking orders for food (you know the standard “would you like the fish or the chicken?” Initially, I doubted that he could remember all of the orders but surprisingly he remembered them and directed his colleagues to serve the right food to the respective passengers. Ashley, Jennifer and I ordered the Noodles (Vermicelli or “Bee Hoon”) with beef while Douglas had chicken. It was a mistake to order the Noodles as it didn’t taste good at all. As a matter of fact, Ashley threw up on board the flight, not sure if it was caused by the food but I suspected it may have something to do with it. The only consolation was the mango ice-cream which was very good. The mango ice-cream was from Australia.

I didn’t realise at that time that our cabin crew Lee Siok Choy was observing that we were not eating the food except for the salted peanuts which by that time I had already consumed four (4) packets. Lee Siok Choy has a very keen eye, he saw that both the passenger in front as well as Jennifer have empty mineral water bottles in their seat pockets. He immediately offered to fill up the bottle for them which they happily accepted. When the time to serve the snacks came, we were given the option of either “chicken or vegetable pie”. Sounds palatable? Well, the pies came in a cardboard box and it was nothing like the chicken pie or vegetable pie that we know very well. We have been frequently served with this “snack” whenever we flew with MAS. Naturally, I declined the “snack”. Lee Siok Choy was shocked that I declined the “snack” and asked again and again whether I am sure about it. He said to let him know if I changed my mind. Anyway my decision was firm.

As the plane was about to land and being the observant person, Lee Siok Choy offered to give me a few packets of the salted peanuts which I have been eating to fill my tummy. That was a very nice gesture which I truly appreciated. I must add here that all of the cabin crew on board that particular flight were friendly and helpful but to me, Lee Siok Choy stood out. He has got some good people skills and I believe would make a rather good Mediator. So, Lee Siok Choy, if you are reading this post and you are interested to be a Mediator, please let me know!

Meeting Sir Peter Mooney

Dato' Dr Sir Peter Mooney and me

Yesterday, I had the honour of meeting and having lunch with Dato’ Dr Sir Peter Mooney. My father and I were very keen on meeting Sir Peter, especially after reading his book, “A Servant of Sarawak: Reminiscences of a Crown Counsel in 1950s Borneo”, a fascinating book about Sir Peter’s journey and life in Borneo. I will share a little more about the book later. My good friend, Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of the Bar Council) put me in touch with Sir Peter and we set a date for lunch at the Chinese Restaurant located at the Royal Selangor Club in Kuala Lumpur.

Sir Peter Mooney autographing his book

Now, you may be curious to know who exactly is this person, Sir Peter Mooney? Dato’ Dr Sir Peter Mooney is an illustrious lawyer being the co-founder of Skrine, one of Malaysia’s leading law firms and had served as the Attorney General of Sarawak in the 1950s. Sir Peter Mooney hailed from Ireland but was educated largely in Scotland. Being a brilliant student, he literally sailed through his education on scholarships  based on merit. Sir Peter Mooney had his first taste of Far East when he fought in one of the toughest battle in World War II in Burma. Sir Peter Mooney fought with the British Fourteenth Army under the command of General Sir William Slim (who incidentally became the Governor-General of Australia in 1953). After the war, Sir Peter Mooney continued his education and subsequently was called to the Scottish Bar. Sir Peter Mooney practised law for a short while in Scotland until he was appointed as a Crown Counsel for Sarawak by the Secretary of State for the Colonies in the United Kingdom. Being a linguist, Sir Peter Mooney managed to pick up the local languages such as Malay, Iban and Mandarin rather quickly. Sir Peter Mooney was subsequently appointed as the Attorney General of Sarawak and had faced many legendary opponents (Defense Counsels) such as David Marshall and Lee Kuan Yew. Many of the notable names which we frequently come across in history books such as Sir Malcolm MacDonald and Sir Anthony Abell were people that Sir Peter had worked with and were colleagues of Sir Peter.

Sir Peter's book - a good read

I found Sir Peter Mooney’s book, “A Servant of Sarawak: Reminiscences of a Crown Counsel in 1950s Borneo” a rather good read. The author’s style of relating his experiences and the thorough and vivid description of how the lifestyle of the people in Borneo at that time gives you a feel of the 1950s in “wild Borneo”. The readers could actually feel and see the things that Sir Peter had gone through in those years (perhaps not the same experiences he had but you get an idea). The author shared some interesting cases which he handled and made it even more interesting by adding some anecdotes here and there. The book is written in a simple style and easy to understand. This book is highly recommended for those who wants to know about the colonial times.

Dato' Manan listening attentively to Sir Peter's experiences in Borneo

With Datuk Mahadev Shankar (former Court of Appeal Judge)

The lunch was marvelous. I ordered a number of dishes consisting mainly of vegetables as Sir Peter is more keen on vegetables compared to meat. Joining us for lunch was my dad, Dato’ Abdul Manan Othman (former Cabinet Minister), Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of Bar Council)  and Puan Hendon Mohamed (former President of the Malaysian Bar). I have also invited Lim Chee Wee (current President of the Malaysian Bar) but he sent his apologies. During lunch, we bumped into Datuk Mahadev Shankar (former Court of Appeal Judge), we shared some jokes and had a few laughs and he had to go on his way to another function.

Sir Peter Mooney with a copy of my book

I brought along a copy of Sir Peter’s book and requested for his autograph which he obliged. After that, I presented Sir Peter an autographed copy of “Mediation Skills and Techniques” and a few memorabilia. Sir Peter Mooney is a great man and I must say that it is indeed an honour and privilege to meet you, Sir Peter (if you are reading this post) and hope to catch up with you again!

Thank you and good-bye SKSH - "SKSH forever"

"SKSH forever"

The Proud Mums

Ashley with few of her good friends

The "cool boys" of SKSH

The words said it all

The Finale - "Sealed with a Kiss"

Saying goodbye...until we meet again!

Ashley embracing her good friend, Safia Razin

On 6th November 2012, Jennifer, Douglas and I attended Ashley’s farewell night at Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Hartamas. It was a fun evening with good food and entertainment. The event was well attended by the Standard Six pupils (the event was for them as they will be leaving school soon), the Principal, teachers and parents. The Standard Six pupils put on a very good show with some individual singers, choir and dancing ala 1960s style. The theme of the night was “Retro Night”. Jennifer and I didn’t know what “Retro” was so we googled it and this is what it says, “old fashioned” style. Again, the definition was rather vague and we clicked “images” and then we got it! It means the bell bottom and colourful era. Initially, Jennifer wanted to wear “kebaya” but that may not fall into the category of “Retro” so we decided to wear something less formal.

The Standard Six pupils put on a splendid show. You could see that a lot of efforts were put into the performance. What amazed us were the camaraderie and the genuine friendship shown by the pupils to each other. If only the adults could behaved like that, the world would have been a peaceful one. For a short while there, even the parents were behaving like 12 years old - giggling, laughing and teasing each other.

The food was good with a lot of nice local flavour such as “satay ayam” (chicken satay), “soto ayam”, nasi tomato, fried fish fillet, “ice kacang” and “teh tarik”. The food was served ala “buffet style” and the lines were orderly.

The finale on that evening was an emotional and touching one. The Standard Six pupils were invited to the stage to deliver three (3) songs as a final tribute to the teachers, parents and friends. It started with “Ilhamku” (My inspiration), “To Sir with Love” and the last one was “Sealed with a Kiss”. I could observed from the songs that somehow the lyrics and the tune had an impact on the students’ emotions. “Ilhamku” was sang quite solemnly and then when it came to “To Sir with Love”, some of the students’ voices were already cracking and when the famous words “Though we gotta say goodbye for the summer.....” from “Sealed with the Kiss” was sung, tears were beginning to flow. What made it even more emotional was than when “Sealed with the Kiss” was sung, the students in an orderly manner moved and shook hands with each other. Some even embraced and let the tears flowed freely. Even some of the parents including Jennifer shed a few tears. After having spent six (6) wonderful years at Sekolah Kebangsaan Seri Hartamas, you can’t help but feel emotional. Jennifer, Ashley, Douglas and myself would like to say a big “thank you” to all the wonderful teachers and friends that we have met along the way. Whenever you are in Sydney, please look us up!

A story about "EXPECTATION" - keep well, Adam!

“EXPECTATION” - a big word which we normally use in training and sometimes in Mediation as well. Trainers and Mediators would asked the participants or parties, “What are your expectations for being here today?” This is a way of gauging the parties’ needs so that the Trainer or the Mediator can attempt to meet those needs. However, I am of the view that for the Trainer or Mediator to have a certain “expectation” of the participants or the parties may not be healthy. By having “expectations”, you are already forming a pre-conception of what is to take place. If the results are not up to the Mediator or the Trainer’s “expectations”, then the Mediator or the Trainer’s self-esteem and emotions will be affected. Let me share with you a story about “Expectation”.

Yesterday, I received a telephone call from Adam, an old friend of mine. Adam is a survivor of many life challenges. He survived a heart scare (went through angioplasty many years ago) and defeated cancer (he was in advanced stage and overcame that challenge). Once Adam went into remission with the cancer, he has completely changed his lifestyle. He exercises regularly, he watches his food intake and he is really a big fan of nutritions and supplements. Apart from that, Adam (like me previously) attends Zhi Neng Qi Gong (a form of Chinese energy exercise that increases your Qi (energy)) classes regularly. I must say that Adam look very well, better than I have seen for years.

Recently, Adam went on an extensive tour of China. He told me it was a very strenuous trip with a lot of walking and climbing. He enjoyed the trip thoroughly. When he came back,  he thought this would be a good time to go for a stress test since his health and stamina were at their peak. He made an appointment with the Medical Centre and went for the stress test. Adam “expected” the results to be flying colours in view of his stamina shown during his recent trip to China. When the results came back, the cardiologist informed Adam that he wasn’t too happy about the results and asked him to do an angiogram to explore further. Adam was disappointed but nevertheless, decided to do the angiogram in Sydney. Adam’s family has a long history of heart issues so Adam thought at worst, the heart issue can probably fixed by having another angioplasty. That was another “expectation” from Adam.

So, Adam left for Sydney and went to one of the best Heart Centres in Sydney. When he went for further medical tests and angiogram, the cardiologist had some even bigger news to tell Adam, something that Adam did not “expect”. The cardiologist informed Adam that he had five (5) blockages) and needed to do a by-pass. Adam agreed and has now recovered well and live to tell the story. All it took was just eight days stay in the hospital which included the two days stay for the angiogram and other medical tests.

One thing I learned from this story was that by having an “expectation”, Adam was already forming an idea in his head but fortunately for Adam, he is also a practical person, so he knew the reality of things. In case, some of you may be wondering whether it is worthwhile to take supplements, exercise, practicing Zhi Neng Qi Gong and eating right in view that all of this still happened to Adam in spite of him living such an healthy style? Well, let me state my theory on this. It is precisely this healthy life style that Adam adopted that prevented him from suffering the consequences of the blockages. It is also precisely this healthy style that helped Adam to recover so fast and so well. For all we know, Adam could already had this blockages years ago but because of his rigorous exercise and healthy lifestyle, he did not experience any symptoms and as a matter of fact gave him the extra boost and energy to do things that he wasn’t able to do before. So, let me say again, exercise, eat right, lead an healthy lifestyle and do not have too many “expectations” in life and you will live a long and meaningful life.

My visit to LEADR in Sydney, Australia

Me and Fiona Hollier (CEO of LEADR)

This morning, I had the privilege of visiting LEADR which is one of Australia's leading Dispute Resolution Organisation in downtown Sydney. I had a meeting with Fiona Hollier who is the CEO of LEADR for about an hour. It was a very fruitful meeting. We exchanged ideas on Mediation training and assessment. All I can say from the meeting is that we have got a lot to learn from our friends here in Australia. I presented a copy of my book "Mediation Skills and Techniques" to LEADR and in return I was presented with some wonderful souvenirs. LEADR is a non-profit organisation and you can learn more about it by visiting their website www.leadr.com.au

Sydney - here we come!

Robert Yap and Mok Singh helping to us to remove the door

My father taking a break near the patio

Mok and Douglas checking their facebook

Gary "the kampung boy" Wilson and me

My "twin" brother and I

G’day from Sydney, Australia! I am currently typing this from our new home in Chatswood. My family and I are still adjusting and settling down here in Sydney. We have got a lot of things done over the past few days. The number one priority was to enroll our children, Ashley and Douglas in the local schools here and thankfully, that have been taken care of. We also have some banking matters to deal with and that too have been accomplished. We also got some basic furnishings for our house such as sofa beds, refrigerator, washing machine, dryer, microwave, etc. Thankfully, my father, my brother Clarence, my good friend Mok Singh and my new friend, Gary Wilson came down from the Gold Coast to help us. Not forgetting also, our friend from Klang, Robert Yap who is currently residing in Cherrybrooke who came and helped us to fix up a few things. Jennifer’s sister, Dr Penny Lim who is a dermatologist here in Sydney came and picked us up from the airport. She and her family have been a wonderful help to us. My cousin, Molly (Arnyi) has been a tremendous help in assisting us to choose furnitures and getting us around. To all of you, we salute you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

A nice home cooked meal - Thank you, Mr & Mrs Arul

A wonderful spread of home cooked meal!

Mr. Arul with my parents

Mr and Mrs Arul with my dad

Catching up on old times

Mrs Arul with my mum

Mr. Arul shared with us a useful paper cutting

This afternoon, my father’s former classmate and family friend, Mr. G Arulanathan and his lovely wife invited us over to their place for lunch. They heard that my family and I would be leaving for Sydney soon and therefore, wanted to give us a home cooked farewell lunch in their home. My children, Ashley and Douglas did not attend as they have exams tomorrow. My parents, Jennifer and me attended the wonderful lunch.

We had a home cooked meal of fish head curry (Mrs. Arul’s specialty), basmati rice (brought all the way from Australia as their son, Balan lives there), indian “yong tau foo”, mutton varuval, dried indian fish flake, drumstick dried curry, green “kampung” chicken curry and “pappadam”. We also had “murruku” and “fried dried bittergourd” on the side. As for dessert, we had fresh mangoes and coffee. It was a very hearty and nice meal. Thank you to Mr & Mrs Arul for that lovely lunch!

Gave a luncheon talk to soon to be lawyers at RSC - 18th Oct 2012

Last Thursday (11th October 2012), I was invited by the Bar Council, Malaysia as a Guest Speaker to deliver a speech at a formal luncheon for soon to be lawyers (pupils in chambers) at the Ballroom, Royal Selangor Club. Puan Hendon Mohamed read a short bio data of me and introduced me as “a fellow Member of the Bar, a colleague and a good friend”. There were more than a hundred people who attended the lunch. Below is the speech given at the luncheon:-

SPEECH –Bar Council’s Ethics and Professional Conduct Luncheon, 11th October 2012

1.    Thank you and congratulations for completing the Ethics and Professional Conduct Course. You have endured and experienced two days of added wisdom, knowledge and to some extent, skills. Please give yourself a round of applause. You deserve it!

2.    Before long, you will be having another celebration – celebrating your long call to the Bar. Try to treasure every minute of it because you earned it! All the hard work you have put in and not forgetting the great support given by your family and loved ones.

3.    Once the celebration simmers down, then it will be time for you to apply what you have learned in law school should you choose to be a lawyer or in a law related field.

4.    A question that one will always ask when venturing into the professional working world for the first time is that “Am I thoroughly prepared?” “What happens if I screw it up?” “What happens if I make mistakes?”

    I am going to share with you six (6) principles that I live by when I became a lawyer. Are you ready for this?

5.    First principle, please accept yourself as being a human-being. There is no such thing as being perfect or being completely and thoroughly prepared. We can only do our very best and to pick up skills and knowledge as we go along.

6.    Second principle, don’t compare yourself with others. As they say, you do not know what the other person’s ultimate goal is. By all means, learn from them. Make them as your role models (if you wish) but don’t compare yourself with them BECAUSE you are much better in some of the areas than they are.

6.    Thirdly, allow yourself to FORGIVE yourself. Give yourself that permission. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, all of us do. God knows, I have made mistakes on a number of occasions in my legal career. But what is important is that I learnt from those mistakes so that I can improve myself. Once we realize our mistakes, we learn to avoid them or remedy them. Learn to find ways and alternatives to resolve an issue. Most of the time, there is more than one way to resolve an issue or to “skin a cat” as the saying goes.

7.    Fourthly, learn to communicate with both your colleagues and clients. Try to put yourselves in their shoes and see how they would feel when faced with a certain situation or challenge. By understanding your colleagues and clients, you know you are in good footing.

8.    Fifth, when faced with challenges, accept it. Because challenges can be overcome. Sometimes, the road in front of us may not be as straight or as smooth as we want but how comfortable we want to make that journey depends on us NOT on the road. We can travel either in a bigger car or in a bus or we can always take an alternative route BUT the destination remains the same.

9.    Sixth, learn to adapt.

    Many years ago, after completing my SPM, as a matter a fact, two days after, I was literally packed and left for the US to start College. I wanted to start early and graduate early. As a matter a fact, I did graduate from one of the finest Universities in the US at the age of 21. Back in 1989, that was quite unheard of. But before I could gain entry into that university, I had to enroll myself in a Community College to prepare for my eventual entry into the University.

10.    Coming to a big city like Los Angeles, more specifically in East LA in the 1980s was a big adventure. Going to a Community College comprising of 95% of Hispanic students was one heck of an experience. I was culturally shocked but I adapted myself, learning some Spanish words, got myself well liked and enjoyed my semester there.

11.    Like in everything else in life, learn to adapt to your professional working environment, be flexible and learn to contribute to the well being of the firm and also to the Bar Council.

12.    Remember, the Bar Council is a legal statutory body which governs and looks after the welfare of pupils and lawyers. When you become a lawyer, find time to contribute to the Bar either by joining one of the Committees or volunteering your services from time to time. Not only will you meet new people and expand your network of friends and legal colleagues but it is also for self satisfaction.

13.    The journey that we are traveling and experiencing call “Life” is wide and long. We do not know where it will take us or where it will end. There may be a few bumps here and there or it may be a smooth one for majority of the time. But what we know is that we are the ones who determine how comfortable or how successful that journey will be. As lawyers, we have a duty to our clients, to the Court and to the Bar. We must ensure that our clients have confidence in us; the Court has respect for us and the Bar has trust in us to keep it independent and just. With that, I wish you all the very best in your legal career or whatever career that you choose. Thank you and best wishes.

Gave a talk at the "Employment Law & HR Management Master Class", 9th Oct 2012

Me and Bernard Ong

Me and Stephanie (the usher)

One of the funny powerpoint slides

Last Tuesday, I gave a talk at a seminar called “Employment Law & HR Management Master Class”. It was held at Hotel Istana, Kuala Lumpur. I spoke on “The HR Function: Understanding Legal Obligations and Boundaries”, a topic which was picked by the organisers, Crown Leadership which is based in Singapore.

In return for giving the talk, Crown Leadership gave me a complimentary pass entitled me to invite a guest to attend the full two days seminar. I invited my old friend, Bernard Ong to attend. He told me he found the seminar useful and he learned a few new things plus he made a few friends as well. The size of the seminar was rather small - about 15 to 18 people. However, we have got a very active group, asking a lot of questions. In this particular seminar, I did not give any handouts. I gave a powerpoint presentation that contained only pictures - nothing else. I started the talk by telling a story which was related to employment issues. As I went along, I showed the slides. Some of the slides were pretty amusing which got the whole class laughing. I guess when you are giving a talk at 9.00am, it would be wise to tickle their funny bone, otherwise the class would be rather slow and quiet. All in all, it was fun.

Mediation Skills Training Course at the Bar Council - 3rd Oct until 7th Oct 2012

Mediation Skills Training Course October 2012

Mediation - role play in session

Mediator "mirroring" one of the parties

"Mirroring" in action

The wonderful participants

Mediator setting the Agenda

Me and Faizal

Last week was a very busy week for me. I was asked by the Malaysian Mediation Centre (MMC) to be the Course Leader and the Lead Trainer for a 5 days Mediation Skills Training Course at the Bar Council, Malaysia. The course ran from 3rd October until 7th October 2012. The thing I like about the MMC is that they give you a free hand to run the course as you deem fit. I decided to rope my colleagues and friends to help me out in the Mediation Skills Training Course. All of them are Certified Mediation Trainers and like me, we are all doing it pro bono. We are not paid a single cent. All the monies collected from the Training Course go to MMC for the upkeep and the maintaining of the Centre.

The people who came and helped were Wong Lu Peen (she was there the whole of first day as she already had plans to travel to overseas the following day), Marcus Hwang, Tejinderpal, Puan Hendon (Tejinderpal and Puan Hendon have been helping me since Day 1 of the Course), Serene, Chan Kheng Hoe, Nacha, Sumathi, KL Choy, Tay Bee Choo and Christine Khor. Serene, KL Choy, Bee Choo and Christine are from outstation. Due to the spirit of volunteerism and camaraderie, they made the extra effort to be with us at the Training.

During the Training, Bee Choo (from Johor Baru) and Christine (from Penang) stayed at my place. After the Training on Day 3, I took Bee Choo, Jennifer, my father and our friend, Catherine Eu (former Executive Director of the Bar Council, Malaysia) to Jinjang (Kepong) to try this unique steamboat porridge dinner. Amongst the dishes was a plate of “live” prawns. The prawns were still moving and active. You have to literally and physically put the prawns into the pot of hot steamboat porridge. You can’t get the prawns any fresher than that. Without a doubt, the prawns were simply delicious. On Day 4, Christine Khor joined us from Penang. Catherine Eu invited us over to her place for dinner but we had a better idea, we asked her to join us for seafood dinner in Port Klang. We went to this place called “Klang Seafood” and had crabs, “sotong”, fried “hokkien mee” just to name a few. It was real fun having Bee Choo and Catherine over at our place.

When it comes to food, I digressed. Let us get back to the Training. We had a wonderful group of people comprising of senior lawyers, marriage therapist, psychologist and a medical doctor as participants. As Puan Hendon remarked in her closing speech, this Training was conducted in a different style compared  to the previous trainings. In this Training, we played games, had short exercises, several role plays and we showed seven (7) different video clips. The clips are fun videos featuring flash mob, baby laughing and also “gang-nam style”. We wanted to keep the Training exciting and lively for the participants. It was our intention get them on their feet and keep them moving. We even had a “set-up” sketch where my secretary, Michelle Martin played the role of the “rude lady” who kept on interrupting me while I was conducting the Training. It was all done in good fun with a specific purpose. If you want to know the purpose, come and join us in the next Training.

Besides having fun, the Training was also quite a personal challenge for me. On the last day, I had food poisoning and was throwing up. Later on, I discovered that a number of participants also experienced the same thing. However, as they say, “the show must go on”. I am thankful to Bee Choo, Christine and a few others who were constantly checking on me throughout the day. My thanks also go to Marianna Tan and Faizal who showed genuine concern. They are from the Malaysian Mediation Centre and have been a great help throughout the Training. In that Training, I also took my final bow as that was my final training given as a member of the Malaysian Bar. A lot of nice memories and I made a lot of good friends. Thank you everyone!

Mediation Skills Training Course at the Industrial Court - 18th -22nd Sept 2012

Distinguished participants

"Mediation Skills and Techniques" book presentation

The Malaysian Mediation Centre (MMC) conducted a 5 days Mediation Certification Course at the Industrial Court, Malaysia recently. It ran from 18th September 2012 till 22nd September 2012. The venue was at the Industrial Court itself in Kuala Lumpur. The trainers were Nacha, Meg and myself. Nacha and Meg did most of the work while I handled the topic on techniques or better known as “Dealing with Stubborn Behaviour”. I informed the participants that I intend to replace the negative word “Stubborn” with “challenges”. Why? Because challenges can be overcome! The participants were made up of the Chairmen and Chairwomen of the Industrial Court (“Industrial Court Judges”), the Registrar, the Deputy Registrar and the Assistant Registrars. They came from Kuala Lumpur, Perak, Sarawak and Johor.

The feedback from the participants was positive. I think most of them enjoyed the course very much. I wish I could share more techniques with the participants but because this  is a Certification course, there were a lot of grounds to cover apart from mediation techniques. As usual, the training would not have been possible without the support of the wonderful coaches like the ever obliging Puan Hendon, the ever friendly and helpful Tejinderpal, the witty Wong Lu Peen, Sumathi and a few others. For the record, the trainers and coaches were not paid. All monies collected go to the MMC fund.

Rachel Tan who is now with Thomson Reuters Malaysia (Sweet & Maxwell Asia) made an appearance with copies of my book. The Industrial Court bought seven (7) copies of my book to be distributed to the various Courts in Malaysia. Thank you so much for the great support. All of us had a great time and hope that we will be able to conduct more of these trainings in the future.

Looking from different perspective - A story about the Fruit Seller

While having dinner tonight, my wife Jennifer informed me that she bought some fresh fruits from the Ayer Panas Wet Market. There is a particular fruit stall that she visits when she goes to the Ayer Panas Wet Market. Each time Jennifer goes there, she hopes the elderly lady who runs the stall would be there. When I asked Jennifer, why is that? She informed that the elderly lady is a simple person. She always give a little more than you pay for. For instance, she will round off the figure to the lowest or when she weighs the fruits, she will just add a little more into your basket without extra payment. The elderly lady is a friendly person and gets along well with her customers. On the other hand, Jennifer described the elderly lady’s son as someone who is rather “shrewd” and very “calculative”. He will weigh and charge you according to the scale, right down to the decimal point. Well, there is nothing wrong with that but it gives the impression that this man is very calculative. He will also charge his customers right to the very cent.

This story actually got me thinking. You see, to Jennifer the elderly lady’s son is “shrewd” and “calculative” which made this person undesirable when it comes to the customers. The man has no mercy when it comes to selling fruits. He will charge his customers the maximum and make as much money as he can. To be frank, there is nothing wrong with that as he is earning a living but as far as empathy and customer relations go, he has much to learn. However, to the man’s family and relatives, he is a very good businessman. He earns “extra” for his family and he knows how to maximise his profits. Like they say, there are “two sides to a coin”. Everyone has his or her angle or perspective in a subject matter. Some look at it positively while another may look at it at a negative angle. In order to overcome this, we need to have empathy. In other words, putting ourselves into the shoes of the other person. A very important trait to have in Mediation.

I will now have to excuse myself to have my overpriced fruits. Have a good evening!

Stories about Assumptions - "You know you are getting older when........"

It is very common for us to make assumptions. Sometimes when we look at a person who is dressed shabbily, we would assume that the person could not afford to buy nice clothes  or if the person is quiet, we would assume that the person has not much to say. Well, those are just merely assumptions. We are just making our own conclusion by seeing what is on the surface. However, sometimes when we dig deeper or go further, we will realise that our assumptions may not be correct. So, how do we avoid making assumptions? Well, by creating rapport and asking questions. We should ask enough questions to make an informed impression of the person.

Let me share with you two amusing stories that happened to me recently. Both stories have a common theme.....”You know when you are getting older”

Story No. 1: The Waitress and the glass of water

One day, I was having lunch with a few friends who were much younger than me. After taking our orders, the waitress proceeded to get us some water. All of my young friends got a glass of cold water except me. I got a glass of warm water instead. I asked the waitress, “How come they get cold water while I got a glass of warm water?” She looked surprise and said, “I thought you wanted a glass of warm water”. Well, I certainly did not mention anything about warm water but apparently it was obvious to her by seeing a person with grey hair and looking much older would warrant a glass of warm water! What do you think the waitress did here? Well, she made an assumption. Of course, we just laughed it off but sometimes if the receiving person is sensitive, this may create an undesired confrontation. Therefore, to be safe, always ask!

Story No. 2: “Just a trim?”

When I was younger I used to go to the barber once every two weeks. Those were the days when I have really thick and black hair! The barber would often asked me whether I want the hair to be cut short or very short. The barber knew that I didn’t like to keep long hair. Well, times have certainly changed. Nowadays, I visit the barber once every two months. Yes, there is some money saving there but I don’t mind paying a bit more to return to the old days of long and thick hair (wishful thinking here!). My barber had since retired and returned to India. I would now go to one of those quick hair cut places.

When I stepped into the quick hair cut place, a young barber attended to me. I have not had my hair cut for more than two months (actually closer to three months). The young barber looked at me and said, “Just a trim, Sir?” I actually burst laughing and said, “Actually, I wanted you to cut it short but looking at things now, I think a trim will be fine”.  Can you see the difference between this story and the first story? The first story is about assumption while the second story is about facts. Yes, the second story is all about facts. The young barber didn’t need to make an assumption. The evidence is right in front of him to see. Therefore, he can safely say, “Just a trim, Sir” without offending the receiving party which was me.

Well, the stories above were written in good fun but it certainly gave me a new perspective of life. You see, we always assume we are still that young little boy or girl but in reality, all of us have grown, as all things in life should be. The person outside may see things differently from us but in reality, it brings you out of that fog and back into the real world!