As all of us know things have become expensive, even attendance in Malaysian Chinese wedding dinners have become an issue for some people.
It is customary when invited to a Chinese wedding dinner in Malaysia to give a “red packet” as a gift. The “red packet” is a small red envelope containing money. The rationale behind this is that when a person is invited, the person is there to share the joy and happiness with the bride and bridegroom. Therefore the person does not want the bride or bridegroom or whoever invited the person to come out of pocket (ie: to suffer monetary losses). In other words, the person will pay his/her own meal plus some. This is done in a subtle way by giving a “red packet” to the host. The common phrase among Malaysian Chinese when receiving a wedding invitation is “Kena saman” (literally means “got summoned”). I always thought that the phrase means that the person has been “summoned” to attend an important function such as a wedding dinner. Apparently that is not the case according to some friends - when a person “gets a summon” such as a traffic summon, the person needs to pay a fine and that is exactly what it meant. So, when you received a wedding invitation, you have been effectively been “summoned” in the form of paying a fine by giving a “red packet”. This was all good and acceptable as it is a joyful event - what a better way to celebrate by having to pay one’s small share in a memorable occasion. It is also customary that if you can’t attend the wedding, to give a small token sum as an appreciation for the kind wedding invitation.
However, as things become costlier and the economy took a downturn, most people are dreading to receive a wedding invitation card. One friend commented that since most the weddings are held in posh hotels, a “red packet” gift would be equivalent to the cost of taking the family out to a nice dinner in a descent restaurant. Therefore, he would prefer spending money in that family dinner rather than giving the money as a gift. Therefore, it was with regret that he had to turn down the wedding invitation with the excuse that he had to attend another event on the same date. These are working people who are on tight monthly budget and getting a wedding invitation would be like getting a “summon” where one has to pay a fine that has not been budgeted. Therefore, it does make sense why the person does not want to attend the wedding but it is rather sad. Of course, one can always argue why not just pay a token or smaller sum but in Chinese custom there is such a thing as “saving face” and not wanting people to talk about a person’s “thriftiness”. To illustrate this, almost every Chinese wedding in Malaysia, there will be a book where all the monetary gifts received would be neatly and systematically recorded where the amount and the name of the person or family who gave the “red packet” would be written down. The rationale behind this is that the amount would be returned should the person or his son or daughter get married. Well, it makes sense if the other person’s wedding is just round the corner but sometimes when that wedding is 10 years down the road, that amount would have significantly reduced due to inflation - so that is something to think about. So, for those who have asked me about Chinese wedding gifts, I hope the above helps.
It is customary when invited to a Chinese wedding dinner in Malaysia to give a “red packet” as a gift. The “red packet” is a small red envelope containing money. The rationale behind this is that when a person is invited, the person is there to share the joy and happiness with the bride and bridegroom. Therefore the person does not want the bride or bridegroom or whoever invited the person to come out of pocket (ie: to suffer monetary losses). In other words, the person will pay his/her own meal plus some. This is done in a subtle way by giving a “red packet” to the host. The common phrase among Malaysian Chinese when receiving a wedding invitation is “Kena saman” (literally means “got summoned”). I always thought that the phrase means that the person has been “summoned” to attend an important function such as a wedding dinner. Apparently that is not the case according to some friends - when a person “gets a summon” such as a traffic summon, the person needs to pay a fine and that is exactly what it meant. So, when you received a wedding invitation, you have been effectively been “summoned” in the form of paying a fine by giving a “red packet”. This was all good and acceptable as it is a joyful event - what a better way to celebrate by having to pay one’s small share in a memorable occasion. It is also customary that if you can’t attend the wedding, to give a small token sum as an appreciation for the kind wedding invitation.
However, as things become costlier and the economy took a downturn, most people are dreading to receive a wedding invitation card. One friend commented that since most the weddings are held in posh hotels, a “red packet” gift would be equivalent to the cost of taking the family out to a nice dinner in a descent restaurant. Therefore, he would prefer spending money in that family dinner rather than giving the money as a gift. Therefore, it was with regret that he had to turn down the wedding invitation with the excuse that he had to attend another event on the same date. These are working people who are on tight monthly budget and getting a wedding invitation would be like getting a “summon” where one has to pay a fine that has not been budgeted. Therefore, it does make sense why the person does not want to attend the wedding but it is rather sad. Of course, one can always argue why not just pay a token or smaller sum but in Chinese custom there is such a thing as “saving face” and not wanting people to talk about a person’s “thriftiness”. To illustrate this, almost every Chinese wedding in Malaysia, there will be a book where all the monetary gifts received would be neatly and systematically recorded where the amount and the name of the person or family who gave the “red packet” would be written down. The rationale behind this is that the amount would be returned should the person or his son or daughter get married. Well, it makes sense if the other person’s wedding is just round the corner but sometimes when that wedding is 10 years down the road, that amount would have significantly reduced due to inflation - so that is something to think about. So, for those who have asked me about Chinese wedding gifts, I hope the above helps.
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