Can you tell a person's character from a cup of tea?

I too wonder. You can tell a person’s character or personality by the way the person acts, talks, through the person’s gestures or even by the way the person eats. But by the person making a cup of tea? Weird as it may sound but let me share with you a story.

Recently, I visited a long time friend (whom I would refer to as Mike) that I have not seen for quite a while. Mike is known for making a delicious cup of tea with spices and boiled milk. However this time, all Mike did was put a tea bag into a cup, added some hot water from the tap, poured some milk and then placed the cup in the microwave. It was one of the worst tea I have ever tasted. What shocked me most was the effort that Mike put into making a cup of tea, especially for an old friend who rarely visits him due to the distance of 1,000km left me speechless. The least he could do for a long time friend was to make a decent cup of tea which his friend requested and which Mike is known for. Mike's reason was that he he was “too lazy” to make it. Well, I guess to Mike, "laziness" takes above long time friendship. All it took was just  5 minutes to make that special tea which Mike eventually did after I asked him for a glass of water when returning the “microwave tea” to him.  However, it is as clear as day that the effort in making a “a cup of tea” tells me how much Mike valued our friendship. Anyway as former Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore said, “that’s life, move on”.

"Red packet" in Malaysian Chinese Wedding dinner

As all of us know things have become expensive, even attendance in Malaysian Chinese wedding dinners have become an issue for some people.

It is customary when invited to a Chinese wedding dinner  in Malaysia to give a “red packet” as a gift. The “red packet” is a small red envelope containing money. The rationale behind this is that when a person is invited, the person is there to share the joy and happiness with the bride and bridegroom. Therefore the person does not want the bride or bridegroom or whoever invited the person to come out of pocket (ie: to suffer monetary losses). In other words, the person will pay his/her own meal plus some. This is done in a subtle way by giving a “red packet” to the host. The common phrase among Malaysian Chinese when receiving a wedding invitation is “Kena saman” (literally means “got summoned”). I always thought that the phrase means that the person has been “summoned” to attend an important function such as a wedding dinner. Apparently that is not the case according to some friends - when a person “gets a summon” such as a traffic summon, the person needs to pay a fine and that is exactly what it meant. So, when you received a wedding invitation, you have been effectively been “summoned” in the form of paying a fine by giving a “red packet”. This was all good and acceptable as it is a joyful event - what a better way to celebrate by having to pay one’s small share in a memorable occasion. It is also customary that if you can’t attend the wedding, to give a small token sum as an appreciation for the kind wedding invitation.

However, as things become costlier and the economy took a downturn, most people are dreading to receive a wedding invitation card. One friend commented that since most the weddings are held in posh hotels, a “red packet” gift would be equivalent to the cost of taking the family out to a nice dinner in a descent restaurant. Therefore, he would prefer spending money in that family dinner rather than giving the money as a gift. Therefore, it was with regret that he had to turn down the wedding invitation with the excuse that he had to attend another event on the same date. These are working people who are on tight monthly budget and getting a wedding invitation would be like getting a “summon” where one has to pay a fine that has not been budgeted. Therefore, it does make sense why the person does not want to attend the wedding but it is rather sad. Of course, one can always argue why not just pay a token or smaller sum but in Chinese custom there is such a thing as “saving face” and not wanting people to talk about a person’s “thriftiness”. To illustrate this, almost every Chinese wedding in Malaysia, there will be a book where all the monetary gifts received would be neatly and systematically recorded where the amount and the name of the person or family who gave the “red packet” would be written down. The rationale behind this is that the amount would be returned should the person or his son or daughter get married. Well, it makes sense if the other person’s wedding is just round the corner but sometimes when that wedding is 10 years down the road, that amount would have significantly reduced due to inflation - so that is something to think about. So, for those who have asked me about Chinese wedding gifts, I hope the above helps.

The Good Old Days - my memory of Palm Grove Restaurant

Living in one of the most expensive cities in the world, I can’t help but to recall the good old days when I was living in a small town called Klang in Malaysia where everyday life was simple and inexpensive. I can still remember that it was a norm for friends to invite each other for a meal and have a lengthy chat about simple things in life, nothing complicated and nothing pretentious. Of course, things have changed over the years where crime has increased, things have become expensive and trust is no longer taken for granted. Below is a “feel good” story that took place many years ago and it is hard to imagine that it can ever happen today.

Palm Grove Restaurant

When I was a young boy, it was common for the family to eat out every weekend, especially on Sundays. It was also very common for my father to invite friends or relatives to join us in our meals. I remembered there was a time where my family together with some friends had lunch in one of Klang’s then famous restaurant called “Palm Grove Restaurant”. It was one of the few restaurants that had air conditioning system at that time. Palm Grove Restaurant started by operating in a small corner shop lot without air conditioning. As it was then a rather new restaurant, many people from surrounding areas came and tasted its food including us. I remembered my mum took me there to order some take-aways. As my brother was very fond of “Hainanese Chicken Chop”, my mum decided to order that dish. The lady who took the order informed my mum that the Cook didn’t know how to cook “Hainanese Chicken Chop”. My mum remarked, “How can that be possible? It is such an easy dish to prepare”. My mum gave some simple instructions like frying the chicken, potatoes, tomatoes and preparing the sauce. Surprisingly, the lady listened carefully and went back to the kitchen and later returned to say that the Cook will do it. The “Hainanese Chicken Chop” ala Palm Grove Restaurant style turned out to be pretty good in spite that the Cook had never eaten or tasted it before! The Cook just merely took instructions and prepared the dish to your liking without any issues. The funny thing was that they didn’t know how much to charge, so they said please pay whatever you wish for the “Hainanese Chicken Chop”.  I can never imagine this happening today - the restaurant workers will probably ask you to “#$@&%” out of the restaurant should you insist on a dish which is not in the menu. Those were the days where people were very obliging and patient in spite how busy they were.

I can still remember vividly another incident that took place in Palm Grove Restaurant. This  time Palm Grove Restaurant had moved to bigger premises with air conditioners. The restaurant was famous for its “Pah Poh Ark” (braised stuffed duck). At that time, Palm Grove Restaurant was the only restaurant that served “Pah Poh Ark” and it became its specialty dish. The restaurant was also famous for its Teo Chiew steam fish and “Cantonese-style fried kway teow” (rice noodle). I remember my father ordered about 8 dishes for a group of about 10 people or so. While we were eating, my father met an old friend in the restaurant who was going to take away a packet of fried noodles. While waiting for his food, this friend caught up with my dad. He only excused himself when his food was ready. We continued our lunch until it was time to pay the bill. When my father asked for the bill, the waiter came and informed that the bill had already been paid. The waiter informed that my dad’s friend had paid for our lunch. My dad’s friend was only there to take away a packet of noodles but then proceeded to pay for our lunch which perhaps cost 10 times more than his takeaway meal. But that was how life was at that time where very often friends will pay for another friend’s meal especially if they have not seen each other for a long time. Today, it appears that it is no longer possible as the cost of things have gone up and eating out is more of a treat rather than a change in eating routine. Paying for one’s meal is now a norm though personally, I still find it uncomfortable as I was brought up in an environment where everyone helps each other out. But such is life and if truth be told, I would still love to pay for a good friend’s meal but alas, the downturn of economy makes the decision much more selective and challenging. For now, we just have to settle for a cup of coffee!