Picking up "Hidden Messages"

What are hidden messages? Well, it is my view that hidden messages are different from subliminal messages. Hidden messages are implied messages you are conscious of while subliminal messages are encoded and designed to stimulate your emotional reaction. Sometimes a person is not able to convey to you the message directly but would leave enough hint in his or her words for you to pick up the actual message. To better illustrate this, I would like to share with you some stories:-

Story No. 1 - “The Mousetrap”

Many years ago, my family and I visited London. One evening, we took a stroll and came across St Martin’s Theatre which is located in the West End of London. We were not planning to watch a play but we thought it would be a good idea if we catch the “world’s longest running play” called “The Mousetrap”. We enquired about the tickets and were offered 4 tickets at a very reasonable price. We informed the ticket seller that we wanted good seats but all the ticket seller said was, “Sir, the best I can do for you are these seats”. Thinking that the cost was an issue, we reiterated that we do not mind paying more for better tickets but the ticket seller once again said, “the best I can do for you....”. We were puzzled so we asked him, “Do you have any other seats beside these seats?”. The ticket seller replied, “Yes, but the best I can do for you......” Suddenly, my brother caught a glimpse of the ticket pricing and noted that the rest of the tickets were for “dress circle”. In other words, one needed to be “formally dressed” to sit in that section. Since we did not plan to watch a play and were casually dressed, we were offered “non-dressed circle” seats. I assumed the ticket seller being a Londoner and a polish English gentleman, that was a polite way of him saying “since you are not dressed for the occasion, these are the only available seats for you”. We took the hint and thanked him for the “non-dressed circle tickets”.

In the above particular scenario, the ticket seller assumed that we would be offended if the truth was told, therefore, he decided to convey his hidden message by dropping hints. It would be effective if the hints were obvious but when it created even more confusion, the effect was no longer desirable. In such circumstances, it would be better if the ticket seller be straightforward about it. This interaction also tells me something about the ticket seller’s character. There is an inclination for me to believe that the ticket seller was a conflict avoider. In order to avoid getting someone upset, the ticket seller preferred to drop subtle hints rather than be forthright about it with the risk of getting blasted as the consequence of it.

Story No. 2- “Lawyers’ hidden message to each other”

One of the worst things that can ever happened to a lawyer is when the lawyer forgets or mistakenly entered the wrong hearing date into his or her diary. Due to this mistake, the case will sometimes be struck off or in the worst case scenario, default judgment was entered for failure of appearance in Court. When faced with such scenario, the lawyer has to file an application to either reinstate the case or to set aside the judgment. The lawyer has also got to face the opposing lawyer who most likely will object to the application as the duty of the lawyer is first and foremost to the Court and then to his or her client. Most opposing lawyers will be able to empathise the predicament that the other lawyer has to go through. Some of the opposing lawyers may have even gone through the scenario themselves and understand that apart from having to face shelling from his or her client, the lawyer may have to bear the cost of the application as well as the possibility of getting reported to the Bar for alleged negligence. However, we are all humans and sometimes mistakes do happened but as opposing lawyers, how do you be loyal to your client on one hand while trying to help a learned friend or a fellow lawyer on the other? Your client would expect you to object to any application to reinstate or to set aside a judgment while your conscience tells you that you too may face the same predicament one day and encounter such harsh consequences. So, again, how do you balance such scenario?

Well, the answer is the “hidden messages” in the submissions in Court. I have observed a number of occasions where lawyers were going at each other during the hearing of the application for reinstatement or setting aside of judgment. Both Counsels would be submitting back and forth while the Judge listened carefully to the submissions. The final submission from the Opposing Counsel is always interesting to observe. Whenever the Opposing Counsel ends his or her submissions along these words, “Be that as it may, I will leave it to the discretion to the Court as to whether to grant the application or not” and then stopped there. On more than one occasion, I have noticed the the Judge will then give a small smile with a nod of his or her head. A decision would then be made and it would be likely that the application be granted. The case will then proceed to a full hearing or a trial based on the merits and strength of each party’s position. Even though no one ever says this but from my observation, I believe when an Opposing Counsel says, “I will leave it to the discretion of the Court “, it conveys a hidden message that says “Listen, I have a duty to my client and I need to go all out to protect my client’s interest but personally, I don’t mind if the application is granted”. Why did I come to such an opinion? The reason is because as lawyers, we know that the Judge has the full power and discretion to decide on the case so why does the Opposing lawyer need to remind the Judge about the discretion? In my opinion, the reason is because lawyers as Officers of the Court have the duty to guide the Judge by submitting the law relating to the facts of the case but ultimately, the decision would lie with the Judge. That is why after a lengthy and vigorous submission, the Opposing Counsel would like to convey a “hidden message” to the Court, “I may have strong merits in my case but ultimately the decision is yours as to whether you want to grant it or otherwise notwithstanding my submission”. Well before I end my story on this, I would like to put a caveat to this story and say that this is just my opinion and as to whether there is a “hidden message” between lawyers and the Court, I will leave it to you to decide.

Cross-Cultural Communication in Business

This morning, I was at the Sydney Markets in Flemington. For those of you who have not been there, it is similar to the wet markets or “pasar borong” in Malaysia. Sydney Markets are opened to the general public for small purchases on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. On other days, Sydney Markets are more relevant to retailers as you can only buy items in bulk and not in small quantities. This is an interesting place to visit as there are many people from different cultural background purchasing and selling their products. I can hear many languages spoken here. Some of the languages which I recognised are Arabic, Russian, Cantonese, Mandarin and Tagalog. Needless to say, English Language is widely spoken here as well. Most of the trading and business transactions that took place proceeded smoothly with smiling and friendly faces. Since there are so many customers from different cultural background, some of the sellers applied some marketing techniques which I thought were quite clever. For example, there was this Caucasian fruit seller who addressed his Asian elderly customers “Uncle” and “Aunty” whenever they approached his stall. This simple respectful way of addressing an older person certainly endeared him to the Asian customers. In case some of you are not aware, calling an elderly person “Uncle” or “Aunty” is a form of respect which you give the elders in Asia. It has got nothing to do with whether you are related to the person or not!

On the flip side, this morning I also had the opportunity to witness an incident which I can only termed as “Cross-Cultural Miscommunication in Business”. The scene that I saw involved a Caucasian lady selling peanuts. There were 3 elderly Asian people comprised of an elderly man and two ladies. The elderly Asian man was trying to bargain the price of the peanuts with the seller. It was obvious that the man and the 2 ladies did not speak much English. I heard the man said $8.00 to the lady seller and pointed to another seller. I interpreted his gesture and message as saying that he used to buy the peanuts for $8.00 from the other seller. The lady seller just shook her head and said $10.00 and asked for the money. The man just paid the lady $8.00 and was laughing. The two ladies were also laughing. I have to say here that the elderly Asian man never raised his voice nor was he ever rude throughout this whole transaction. He was smiling all the time. As for the Caucasian lady seller, she was also not rude but firm and at times exasperated. I could empathised with the Caucasian lady seller as she didn’t understand the Asian man as to why was he not paying the full price of $10.00. To make the matter even more complicated, the Asian man and the 2 ladies left the $8.00 on the table and walked away. The Caucasian lady seller who was now really exasperated raised her voice and said, “Hey, you need to pay me the $10.00. You have only given me $8.00”. By this time, people nearby were paying attention to the scene. The Asian man and the 2 ladies knew something was not right and they looked rather confused. They said, “we paid already”. The seller said, “you paid me less”. As they didn’t quite understand English, this made them even more confused. Finally, the lady seller took out a $2.00 token and showed them and said, “I need this”. One of the ladies took out the $2.00 and gave it to the seller. The seller finally felt relief while the man and the 2 ladies still looked confuse. Okay, let’s discuss this scene and analyse what had just happened?

First of all, it is obvious there is a language barrier here but remember, we can still communicate through gestures and the “language of money” is quite universal if you know how to count! If we look at the Caucasian lady seller’s perspective, she felt (I am of the opinion quite rightly too), that she has been short changed by the customers. The fact that the Asian man pointed to the other seller and said $8.00 did not alter her position in this business transaction. In Western society, things are handled mainly in a straightforward manner, it is either this or that. For example, if you are dealing with the seller, she will probably say to you, “This is my stall and this is my price. It is not relevant how much the other person sold the item to you. You can either buy it from me or you can buy it from the other person”. The fact that the Asian man and the 2 ladies laughed throughout the transaction did not help the situation either. From the seller’s perspective, the customers are making fun of her and this irritated her even more. One of the things that most people find rather difficult to handle (irregardless of whatever cultural background you are from) is when the other person is being disrespectful or rude.

Now, let’s look at the Asian man and ladies’ perspectives. Being an Asian myself, I can understand the cultural aspect of it as well. You see, I remember when I was a young boy in Malaysia, I used to follow my mother to the wet market. It was very common for people to haggle the price or bargain when they are in the wet market. One of the common methods that I have observed was when the customer would bargained with the seller until it came to a deadlock. The customer would then just leave the amount of money equivalent to the customer’s last offer on the table and take the items which are already packed by then. When the items are packed, it is indication (as least in my culture) that the seller has accepted the offer. The seller would then accept the money and go on with his next customer.  Why did the seller accept a lesser amount? I don’t have an answer for that but my opinion is that the seller was looking at retaining long lasting business relationship with the customer. The seller would still profit from the transaction but not as much as he hoped he would get. Sometime the haggling or bargaining becomes so intense, the customer or seller or even both would just laughed to break the tension but they continued to haggle anyway. If we take this scenario and apply it to the scene at Sydney Market which I described earlier, could it be that the Asian man and the 2 ladies were using the similar haggling technique? If they were, the response they got from the Caucasian lady seller was not one that they expected. When the seller did not accept their offer, the Asian man and the ladies were probably laughing thinking that the seller was just kidding with them and thought that this could be easily settled by just giving $8.00 to the seller and that will be that. Also, the fact that the peanuts were already put in the plastic bag indicated to the Asian man and the ladies that the seller had accepted the offer. However, when the seller raised her voice, they were confused and that led to an awkward and perhaps, an even embarrassing situation.

In today’s world, many countries are becoming multi-cultural due to migration and technology. Why technology? The reason is because people are finding it easier to travel from one place to another which makes everything closer together. For migrants, as much as they want to assimilate into the local community, it is not easy for them due to spending many years in their own country and having practiced their local culture ever since they were born. It will take some time for them to adopt to the new culture in their new country, especially when it comes to everyday dealings and business. The new migrants should not ignore the culture of their new country especially when it comes to dealing or doing business after they moved to that new country. Some new migrants felt that since they would be transacting and doing business with people from their country of origin, there is no need to learn the new culture. Well, in my view, that should not be the correct mindset. In order to be competitive in this world or in the new country for that matter, we need to learn and understand business practice of different cultures - that will give us the edge and make us competitive.

We will be staying in the beautiful City of Kuala Lumpur in the Business Culture Tour

We will be staying in the beautiful island of Penang

The beautiful island of Penang

We will be having dinner at the revolving restaurant in KL Tower while admiring the beautiful City skyline

Night scene in Kuala Lumpur

This is one of the main reasons why the Australian Dispute Resolution Centre (“ADRC”) organises “Business Culture Tours” to different countries where English is not the native language. The objective of the “Business Culture Tour” is to learn and understand the people of that Country’s approach in conducting business, decision making process, negotiation methods and approach in resolving conflicts. In collaboration with the Government of Malaysia, the ADRC is organising a “Business Culture Tour” to Kuala Lumpur and Penang from 12th October till 19th October 2014. Malaysia is a multi-cultural country and it will be a fun learning experience. If you need further information about the Malaysian tour or future tours, please send an e-mail to st@adrc.net.au .

Dreaming big by achieving small

Previously, I have written an article called “Setting goals and achieving them” where we talked about breaking your goal into smaller parts so that it can be achievable. For example, let’s say that I have joined a company as a Management Trainee and my goal is to be the CEO of the company, I will plan my route to the top of the corporate ladder by placing milestones. To become a CEO, my first aim is to be a Manager of the company, after that I will aim to be a Senior Manager, followed by Group Manager and then COO and ultimately CEO. By achieving each milestone, I will celebrate with satisfaction that I have achieved a goal and my ultimate dream of being a CEO is one step closer. So, whenever a person says that he needs to plan his career path or to climb the corporate ladder, I will say that this is probably one of the methods the person will choose. If we don’t set milestones then it would appear that our goal (in this case, to be the CEO) is very faraway and it gives the impression that it is not within our reach. Therefore, it is important to celebrate every achievement no matter how small it is. It gives us the satisfaction as well as gratitude for coming this far. Let me share with you a story about climbing the career ladder, the unexpected and gratitude.

My father’s friend is a former lawyer, public servant, politician, Member of Parliament and a Cabinet Minister. I remember asking my father whether his friend had ever in his lifetime career thought that he would be a Cabinet Minister one day. My father said, “No. His goal was to be a Senator”. What this man has achieved went beyond his wildest dreams. His aim was to become a mere Senator and what he has achieved was a huge bonus to him.  He has never imagined that one day he would become a full Cabinet Minister. It took him some time to realise that this wasn’t a dream, he was living in it! He served with distinction for his country until he had some differences with the country’s top leadership which resulted his resignation from the Government. The positions he attained were unexpected and were extra “feathers in his cap”. When he resigned from the Government, many of his close friends felt sorry for him but he did not let that bother him at all. He was in his old jovial self as he has achieved what he wanted to achieve and more. He is grateful for being more than a Senator. To him, the rest were unexpected and bonuses. So, when he left the Government he had no regrets but only gratitude and satisfaction. You see, when you set your goals, make sure it is realistic and achievable with some efforts. Setting a high goal which is not within one’s reach is a dream and yes, dream may come true with efforts and lots and lots of luck. The question is are we going to strive and strive until we achieve that dream or are we going to set achievable goals leading to that dream? Only you can decide for what is best for yourself. I know what I will do, how about you?

Food, shelter, clothing - basic needs or luxury items?

When I was in school many years ago, the teachers taught us the 3 basic needs - food, shelter and clothing. At that time, poverty, hunger and homelessness were common features in many developing countries. My generation and the previous generations did not take these basic needs lightly. As fortunate as some of us might be at that time, we  were cautious that we could be deprived of these 3 basic needs at anytime. We were then living in an uncertain environment and unpredictable era. In today’s generation, the young ones are taught the same 3 basic needs (ie: food, shelter and clothing) but they treat the needs in a different manner compared to my generation. When “food” is mentioned as basic need, the new generation will ask “what kind of food are we talking about? Japanese food, Korean, Chinese, Italian or French cuisine?” When “clothing” is raised as a basic need, the new generation will ask “what brand of clothing are we referring to? Giorgio Armani, Versace or Donna Karan?” Finally, when “shelter” is put forth as a basic need, the new generation will query about the type of “shelter”, whether it is a bungalow, semi-detached, town house, condominium or an apartment? To my generation, the 3 basic needs mean survivability or the ability to remain alive but for the new generation, the 3 basic needs mean gourmet food, fine dining, luxury brand, high fashion and comfortable lifestyle. Nowadays,”food”, “shelter” and “clothing” are still needed in our life but more for materialistic and ego needs rather than for survivability. Why? Well, I feel one of the main reason is that as the world progresses, we tend to take many things in life for granted. Hunger, homelessness and poverty are no longer as grave as before in many parts of the world, therefore we become complacent and take things for granted. Instead of appreciating these 3 very basic needs as what they are, we try to differentiate ourselves from other people by escalating our lifestyle to a luxurious and comfortable level by enhancing these 3 basic needs to a brand and ego-feeding exercise. I must say that this is not something that is only happening to today’s generation but it happened to me many years ago with a friend of mine in Los Angeles.

This university mate of mine came from a very wealthy family. He drove an expensive car with all the works such as a body kit and expensive tyres. This friend also had a collection of branded and luxury watches. However, I noticed that whenever he go out for lunch or dinner, he would usually eat in cheap places and ordered the cheapest dishes around. Being a food lover, I could never understand his rationale. Here is a person who drives an expensive car, wears branded clothing and has a collection of luxury watches, yet he eats like a “pauper” (please mind my language there). One day I couldn’t hide my curiosity, so I asked him a point blank question - “Why do you eat in cheap places and order cheap food but you don’t mind spending on luxury items?” His answer was simple, “Food cannot last but luxury items can”. In other words, this friend of mine is materialistic and prefer luxury items rather than good food. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just an individual’s preference. However, it does demonstrate to me how a person perceived things. Therefore the debate of “luxury vs needs” continues..... 

Some techinques on buying yourself some time

Have you ever come across a situation where you need to delay or to “buy some time” so that you will be able to give an appropriate answer or come out with an action plan? I remember as a student at East Los Angeles College in Monterey Park, Joel Busch who was my Professor of Political Science at that time told us that one of the popular techniques used by politicians whenever they are face with tough questions would be to give a simple reply by replying “it depends”. Professor Busch said that such a reply would buy the politician some time to formulate a strategy or a better answer to counter the question. “It depends” is like an “open answer” that would “buy some time” for the politician. It would force the reporter to ask a follow up question which by then the politician would have hopefully come out with a strategy or a better answer. An effective technique to delay or to “buy some time”.

While on the topic of “buying time”, I am reminded of a story related by Anthony Watson who was my lecturer in International Relations at the University of Southern California in 1987. The story originated from a nomadic tribe known as Sufi. The story goes that once there was a man who was arrested for stealing precious items from the palace. The Ruler who was a ruthless leader immediately sentenced the thief to death. The thief wanted to buy himself some time to save his life so he offered to train the Ruler’s favourite horse to be able to talk in 10 years time if the Ruler is able to delay his death sentence until then. As ridiculously as the proposal may be, the Ruler felt he had nothing to lose so he decided to spare the thief’s life for 10 years. If the thief fails to teach the horse to talk, the thief will be put to death. Meanwhile the thief’s friends heard about his ridiculous proposal. They just shook their heads and said to him, “Are you mad? You know the horse will never be able to talk. You will die in 10 years time. Such madness!” The thief just replied, “10 years is a long time. By then, either the Ruler will die or I will die or......well, the horse will TALK!!!” The gist of the story is that the thief is buying himself some time for whatever reason or purpose. The reason could be because he is planning an escape from the Ruler's kingdom or he has some unfulfilled commitment or work that he needs to finish off or perhaps he just want to avoid the inevitable as long as he can.

Delaying tactics or buying ourselves some time is appropriate if we have a good reason for it. However, take caution, doing it often and on the same people would have negative effect. It will affect our credibility and people will no longer place trust on us as our words are becoming irresponsible. However, it will be useful especially when we find ourselves in a “tight situation” such as when we are “pressured” to buy something or to make a commitment. For example, a real estate agent pushing you to make an offer on a Property. The real estate agent could be “testing water” to see how much you are willing to pay for the Property. You, on the other hand, is interested in the Property but refused to be drag into the real estate agent’s web of “commitment to buy”. In such situation, you will need to “buy some time” to decide. By saying “no, I can’t decide” would show your weakness or being indecisive. By saying “yes”, you are committing yourself without being sure whether you are overpaying for it. So, what would be the appropriate way to handle this situation? I am sure there are many ways of handling this situation, but what I would do is just to request the real estate agent for more information, preferably information that the agent will not be able to provide you immediately. For example, an evaluation report of the Property, a copy of the Title Deed, what kind of financing can you get, etc. In other words, place the burden or the delay onto the agent as if as YOU are waiting for the agent to get back to you rather than you are the cause of the delay. This is a technique where politicians like to call it “answering a question with a question”. In other words, throwing the question back to the person who initially asked the question. This would allow you some time to think or formulate your next cause of action. If you can think of any other techniques to “buy some time”, feel free to share them in this blog under the “Comment” section below. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to buy me some time so that I can get some sleep!

The Reluctant Estate Manager from Temerloh

In the last article, we talked about how quickly things can change within a short period of time. We talked about how a team from almost losing a soccer final game to becoming a champion, all within minutes. Therefore, whichever way we look at it, we must never let our guards down nor must we ever be complacent. I know - words of wisdom are always easy to say but they become a challenge when put to practice. I am going to share with you a real story regarding turning things around at the final hour. I will call the story, “the Reluctant Estate Manager”.

A few years after I was called to the Malaysian Bar, I was asked to represent an Estate Manager who was charged for harbouring illegal foreign workers. There were only two foreign workers involved but nevertheless, he was charged. If I recall correctly, the penalty and sentence then was a minimum of RM500.00 and the maximum was 2 years imprisonment. The Estate Manager was an elderly man who was in his 60s at that time. Being a junior lawyer at that time, I was handed this file as it was a case with very low chance of winning as far as the defence was concerned. During those days, it was common for junior lawyers to be given cases with very little hope for success. This was to send a message to the junior lawyers that preparing for hearing was no easy feat and to remind young lawyers to never have the mindset that handling a court case is a walk in the park, ie: expecting to win all the time.

By perusing the facts of the case, it became apparent to me that the defendant had more or less a “gone” case as it clearly shows that he had contravened the law. I asked my senior legal colleague why doesn’t he just plead guilty and we can plea bargain with the prosecution. My senior colleague informed me that route has already been suggested, explored and has in fact (informally) proposed to the prosecution where it was agreed that a minimum penalty of RM500.00 would be imposed. However, the Estate Manager was reluctant to plead guilty. His employer was even willing to fork out the fine of RM500.00 for him and also gave him the assurance that his job, seniority and salary will not be affected but nothing could change the Estate Manager’s mind. So, here I was, been given the file with no hope of winning and told to conduct the trial in a small town called Temerloh in the state of Pahang. At that time, I was the most junior lawyer in the law firm and none of the other lawyers would want to make that long drive to Temerloh, stay overnight and return the next day. Those days, the road to Temerloh was pretty winding and narrow, so it was a norm to leave a day early so that we would have enough sleep, wake up fresh and be ready for trial the next day. It also happened that the trial date coincided with the “Ramadan” fasting period so it wasn’t an easy drive to Temerloh with heavy traffic on narrow and winding roads.

I remember that I left for Temerloh from the office right after lunch and did not arrive until close to 7.00pm which was about the time for “breaking fast” during the Ramadan period. All the eateries and restaurants were crowded due to the “breaking fast”, so I went to the bazaar and bought myself 20 sticks of chicken satay and brought them to my small room in the motel for dinner. While eating, I was flipping through the file but still couldn’t find any points or silver lining that can help me in the trial tomorrow. Resigning to the fact that the case more or less would be a “goner”, I turned in early and went to sleep.

Next morning, I woke up really early, had a cup of coffee, checked out from the motel and left straight for the Court. In the Court, I met the Estate Manager face to face for the very first time (though we have spoken numerous times over the phone). He was indeed an elderly man in his sixties at that time, soft spoken and a decent fellow. I have read his biography and he has been a long and outstanding employee with his Company. The reason his employer was taking an interest in his case was because of his past track record as well as they knew that there was no malicious intention on the Estate Manager’s part. The Estate Manager was just ignorant of the law but that is no excuse when it comes to legal consequences. Since I was early, I sat down with him and talked to him about some personal stuff just to get to know him better like his years of service in the Company, his family, hometown, etc. I found the Estate Manager to be a frank, loyal, responsible and a polite man. I then asked him the million dollar question which is “Why did you hire the illegal foreign workers?” He said he didn’t know the foreign workers were illegal. To him it was simple - he needed casual workers to work in his estate and so he just engaged them. He paid them daily and went on with his normal routine. I then asked whether he had checked the foreign worker’s ID or passport. He said he did not as in the village where the estate is situated, everything is based on trust. It was a simple answer from a simple person which made the case even harder for me. I then reiterated to him about his legal position, how the law sees it and his chances of winning which are rather slim. The Estate Manager informed me that he knows his chances are very slim but he wants to go all the way in the trial even though he realised that it doesn’t make any sense to me or anyone else. I then asked him the all important question which is “why are you doing this?” This was what he said, “Do you know how humiliated I felt when the police came and handcuffed me in the middle of the night in front of my workers and villagers? They treated me as if I were a big criminal. I am the Estate Manager, holding a respectable position in the estate and the village. People look up to me and now I have been humiliated in front of my own people. Therefore, I will not make it easy for the police or anyone else to pull me down like this!” I could empathised with the Estate Manager. My next question was “How many immigration officers were there?” He replied, “none”. When I heard his reply, my eyes lit up and suddenly got excited. I told him I need to check the Immigration Act on a particular section. After reading the section over and over again, I informed the Estate Manager that I might be able to get him off, though it would be a long shot. I quickly had a chat with the Deputy Public Prosecutor and he agreed to adjourn the case to allow me to make a written representation to the State Legal Advisor for the charges to be dropped.

You see, at that time the Immigration Act specifically states that only the Immigration officer or a person with a written authorisation from the Immigration Department, could arrest a person for harbouring illegal foreign workers. In this case, there wasn’t any immigration officer nor was there any written authorisation given to the police. Therefore, I made my representation based on those grounds and the charges were later dropped by the prosecution against the Estate Manager. Not long after our case was closed, the Immigration Act was amended to include the police as well in arresting a person for harbouring illegal foreign workers.

As you can see from the above, the Estate Manager’s fortune could turn around in a matter of minutes because in this case, there was a technical error in the arresting procedure. We were also rather fortunate as the Estate Manager’s story was told rather casually just minutes before the Court convened. So, what I have learned from this experience? Always, expect the unexpected, one can never be 100% sure of everything!

Inspirational stories on positive turnaround in a short time span

Many of us would have experienced challenging moments in our lives where things are not happening the way we hope or moving the direction that we want. In moments like this we tend to look for inspirational stories to lift our spirits up and motivate us so that we can move forward. It is also moment like this that I remind myself that major things or occurrences can happen in a short period of time. For example, who can ever forget the 2005 UEFA Championship Final between AC Milan and Liverpool? The match was nicknamed the “Miracle of Istanbul” (after the place where the final match was played). In that final match, AC Milan was leading 3-0 against Liverpool when Liverpool made a sudden comeback by scoring 3 goals within 6 minutes in the second half and eventually won the match in penalties shootout. This is a perfect example on how things can turnaround within just a short span of time. When Liverpool’s chances of winning the UEFA  Champion 2005 was almost nil, nobody could predict that Liverpool could score all 3 goals within 6 minutes. It was simply unbelievable.

Few days ago I was watching a video clip on YouTube featuring the Korean sensational singer, Psy performing “Gang Nam Style” in a concert in Singapore. I believe the concert was held a few years ago when Psy just became a worldwide household name. What fascinated me was when Psy told the crowd that he was in Singapore exactly a year ago (ie: a year before the concert). The crowd went wild and excited when they heard that Psy had visited Singapore previously. Psy said he came to Singapore as a tourist a year ago and never did he in his wildest dreams ever imagined that he would return to Singapore to perform as an international artiste in exactly one year later. It is strange to see how things can turn around in just a year - from an unknown to an international superstar. As a tourist, Psy was probably just wondering along the streets of Singapore aiming his camera at beautiful sights and then the following year, he had all the cameras aiming at him!




Being focus and seeing it through!

Just imagine you have a brilliant idea, then you decided to act on it and when you are making headway, suddenly a better idea came and then you became distracted. You then decided to act on that better idea and while acting on it, suddenly another better and brighter idea came about and you decided to leave all the other better ideas behind and act on the new one. By continuously doing this, you would have already left what would have been two great ideas behind. This is what happened when we are not focus and never feeling satisfied. As the saying goes, it is better to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. By the time you decide to return to your original idea, it may already be too late as someone may have already taken and acted on that idea. This is true especially when it comes to relationship or when you are negotiating and then returning to your earlier offer.

In relationships, how many times have we come across people leaving their spouses or loved ones for someone new and then again to return to their loved ones when they discovered that the “grass is not greener” on the other side. When the person returned to their spouse or loved one, there is no guarantee that their return will be accepted by their spouses or their loved ones. There could be several reasons for this, such as no one wants to be “Plan B” which include the spouse or the loved one or perhaps the spouse or loved one has already move on and found someone better. Therefore, focus on what you have rather than looking for someone new!

As for the second example of negotiating and then returning to your earlier offer, I can relate to this rather well as it happened to me many years ago. It took me sometime to change my mindset and kicked that old habit of not being focus. Let me share with you one of those incidents. There was a time when I was browsing in one of the shops selling electrical appliances. I was interested in one of the items and had every intention to purchase it. I got hold of one of the salespeople and enquired about the item, its warranty and the price. We negotiated or rather haggled on the price until the salesperson accepted my offer. However, before I could conclude with payment, something else caught my eyes. I decided to abandon the earlier item and enquired about the new item. It was rather obvious that the salesperson wasn’t as enthusiastic in explaining to me as before. This was probably due to two reasons. One, the salesperson probably found that I wasn’t a reliable buyer and two, I may be perceived to be on a “shopping” or “fishing expedition” to gather information on products and prices and had no intention to purchase the item. By the time, I have decided to buy the first item, someone had made an offer to buy that item at a price higher than my first offer. It was too late for me. Seeing that I had no choice, I returned to the second item and made an offer. This time the salesperson drove a real hard bargain and was hard fast on holding on to the price. Being an experience salesperson, he knew that my options have now been restricted, therefore he had the upper hand. Secondly, he knew that like human beings with huge ego, I did not like losing out from the first item and he knew that I would go all out for the second item to reclaim my huge ego which I lost earlier. He made it really challenging for me and subsequently I bought the item. I was happy with the item but I think I would have got it for a far lesser amount if I just focused and saw through the negotiation earlier.

Before I end this article, let me share with you a humourous incident which happened to me a couple of days ago relating to “being focus”. One of the things that we do in our house is that we switched on our dishwasher after 10.00pm every night. Why 10.00pm? Well, that is because 10.00pm is the off peak period when it comes to electricity usage charges. Before going to bed, my wife asked me to switch on the dishwasher after 10.00pm. At that time I was really sleepy but forced myself to stay awake until 10.00pm.  I waited till slightly after 10.00pm then I went to bed. Next morning, my wife informed me that I did not switch on the dishwasher the previous night. I had to laugh out loud when she said that because what I did the previous night was indeed silly and laughable. I waited and forced myself to stay awake till 10.00pm and then switched off all the lights and went to bed forgetting the reason why I need to stay awake till 10.00pm. You see, I did not focus on the task but rather I focused on the time. So, sometimes focusing on the wrong thing may get you into trouble. That was definitely a lesson which will remain with me for a very long time!

Culture shock - then and now (Part 2)

This is the second part of the article called "Culture Shock- then and now". If you recall, in the first part of the article, we talked about how a person experienced culture shock 30 years ago where technology wasn't as advance as today. In this article, we will look at culture shock in today's world. In the earlier article, we look at the crucial phase for the new migrant (or in some cases, the long stay overseas visitor) which is known as the "negotiation phase" or the "awareness phase". This is the phase that will determine whether the person will choose to continue staying in the new country or to return to his or her country of origin. The symptoms of "negotiation phase" would be where the person will start missing everything that is familiar to him such as family, loved ones, friends and the availability of food from his country of origin. In today's world of advance technology, we have many apps that will assist us in bridging contacts with our family, loved ones and friends irregardless of where we are. We have apps such as WhatsApp, Viber, Tango and Skype that will enable either texting, phone calls or video calls to our family and friends. Most of these apps are free and even if there is cost involved, it is relatively low. For example, in Sydney, I have an app that will enable me to call places like Hong Kong, Singapore and Malaysia for very little fee. The best part of the app is that it will display my mobile number on the recipient's telephone screen. This would allow the person to know that the call is indeed from me and it is a genuine call. As a matter of fact, the telephone call which I make from Sydney to Malaysia will cost me less than what I would have paid should I make the same call from Malaysia even though it is deemed to be a local call. That is how advance technology is in the modern world. In certain developed countries, there are telephone plans that will enable the person to make free unlimited international calls to certain countries. Just imagine the kind of convenience that we have today compared to 30 years ago when I had to queue for that 1 minute free phone call courtesy of AT&T in the US. Today, wherever we are, we can just pick up the phone and make a video call or phone call to our loved ones or friends without the need to think about the cost or convenience. This definitely helped the person when he or she is missing the family or loved ones. As for news from home, gone were the days when my father had to snail mail the local Malaysia newspaper cuttings to Los Angeles. Nowadays, we can read almost any newspaper in the world by just pointing and clicking our mouse on the computer in the comfort of our home in our new country. In fact, I seldom read hard copies of newspaper nowadays, it is all online news for me. Communication is definitely an ease to many of today's new migrants or long term overseas visitors compared to those who migrated years ago. That would certainly cushioned the "home sickness" that one would experienced when one moved to a new country.

I remember when I first left for overseas some 30 years ago, there were a lot of teary farewells. Family and friends would be missing us and vice versa. Due to the distance and expensive telephone calls, we knew that we would not be seeing or contacting each other for a quite a long time. However today, I see many parents sending off their children in the airport without teary eyes. There were laughter and happiness all around. Sometimes you could even hear the parents reminding the children, “don’t forget to “tango” or “face time”  us when you reached your destination”. Some parents would even go as far as telling the children to check out online airfare from time to time and if there is a cheap flight, to go ahead and book for a home visit. What a contrast from 30 years ago where it was a privilege if you could travel to your country of origin once every 3 years. Traveling by plane today is just like taking a bus to your destination.

As for the availability of food from the country of origin either in terms of restaurants or ingredients, many countries have a wide range of international cuisines and ingredients to make your favourite food from your country of origin. Sometimes they may even carry items from your country which cannot be found easily in your own country. For example, a few years ago, my friend Tan Chin Huang introduced me to a unique coffee called “Durian coffee”. Yes, as the name implies, the coffee with “durian” essence. The only place that I know that sells this type of coffee in KL is a grocery shop behind Tung Shin hospital. However, not far from where I am staying in Sydney is a huge Asian supermarket and you can easily find “Durian coffee” over there! I remember my father telling us that when he first landed in Australia in 1959, there was only one Chinese restaurant in Perth. The name of the Chinese restaurant was called “Kong Meng”. Though the name of the restaurant sounded Chinese but in actual fact, it was operated by an Italian family. My father told us that the food wasn’t that great but if there was rice, that was good enough for him.

So, with all of this technology and convenience from your country of origin in your new country, one would think that it is easier to settle down as you can get anything from your country of origin within your reach. True? Well, not quite. By having too many things from your home country would place a person in a state of complacent. In other words, there is really no need for the person to explore new food or culture of that new country because everything from his or her country of origin is there for the plucking. I was informed by a friend of mine who used to work in the Malaysian Student Department in the US that Malaysian Government used to send hundreds or perhaps even thousands of students to a couple of universities. Due to the large number of Malaysian students in those universities, they decided to form their own “village” or “kampung” where all the Malaysians would congregate and live in one area. The students would eat together and stay together and there was no need to go outside of the comfort zone. All of this happened from the first day that the student arrived at the US airport. I met one of those students and this was what he related to me:-

“The first day I arrived in the airport, I was met by one of the seniors (“senior” here would mean one of the Malaysian students who had been in the university longer than him). The Malaysian Student Association would charter a bus to meet the new students at the airport and then take the students to their accommodation which was like a typical Malaysian hostel. Everyone would be speaking Malay and personally, I don’t feel any different whether I was living in Malaysia or in that accommodation”.

I was told that during weekends or holidays, the Malaysian students would spent time amongst themselves either going to movies or doing things together. By the time they have graduated, apart from obtaining a US degree, there was nothing very much socially or culturally they have learned from the United States. In fact, some of the students would returned to Malaysia without showing any improvement in his or her competency of the English Language. All of this was due to being too comfortable and there wasn’t any motivation to learn and explore new things.

I hope you enjoy this article, our next article in relation to cross culture will be what we call as “homogenous race settlement area”. “Homogenous race settlement area” is where a particular race or nationality living in a single area in a foreign country. A common example, would be places like “Chinatown”, “little Japan”, “Korea town”, etc. Until then.....

Just becareful when conveying message - "Camel" or "Kumar"?

We have talked about the importance of communicating and relating messages. As many of us know, the probability of a message getting lost is rather high when it is conveyed from one person to another and then to a string of other people. There is a popular game called “Chinese Whisper” where a message (normally it will be a paragraph of words) is shown to one of the participants without the knowledge of the other participants. The first participant then conveys the message to the next and then the next person will convey to the next person and so on. By the time the message reaches the last participant, the last person would be asked to reveal what was the message. Most of the time, the message revealed by the last person would be significantly different from the actual message. This game prove to me two things. One, message can be interpreted differently by different people. This is due to most of us having selective hearing. We only hear what we want to hear or what we think is important, the rest of the message will be ignored. Secondly, by interpreting and giving a different meaning to the message, this indirectly create what is known as “rumour”. We all know that “rumour” tends to spread like wildfire especially if it involves scandals or matters that will start our tongues wagging! Therefore, it is important to get the message correct and to reveal it as a whole rather than selectively.

Yesterday, I was watching a documentary on television which involved a few American explorers in India. In that episode, one of the American explorers was asked by an Indian person to seek a guy by the name of “Kumar” who lives in the town. This American explorer then proceeded to inform one of his colleagues that they needed to look for a guy name “Komahl”. Then that colleague informed another one of the explorers that they needed to look for “Kamal”. By the time, the message was conveyed to the last American explorer, they were all looking for a person by the name of “Camel”! The last American explorer then remarked, “Who or what are we actually looking for? A camel or a person?” I was sitting on the sofa and laughing my head off as this is a perfect example of “Chinese Whisper” where message gets lost rather easily! So whenever someone should ask you to convey a message to another person, just remember the “camel” episode and make sure you take down every single word. Have a good day, everyone!

Stories about being Flexible (2)

I hope you like the article “Stories about Flexibility” which was posted a few days ago. As promised, here is the second installment.

Story No. 3 - The Lecturer and his “ice breaking” game

Last week, I attended the “Legal Practice Management” course at the College of Law in Sydney CBD. Lawyers in the State of New South Wales who intend to venture on their own and start their own legal practice must attend and complete the course. There was a good mix of both young and senior lawyers. I found the course to be very useful and informative. The College of Law did a fantastic job in conducting the course- they provided good materials (both in hard copies as well as in a USB stick) to read and a nice solid folder to put your materials in. I am not saying this merely because College of Law has its advertisement  in my blog, I say it because I do mean it sincerely!

On the first day, we had 3 speakers talking about interesting stuff and then we adjourned for an in-house lunch. When we continued with the afternoon session, we had this lecturer who came in and told us that he wanted us to play an “ice-breaking game”. The participants looked at each other in amusement - thinking whether the “ice-breaking game” was just a time filler or did the lecturer really wanted to get to know the participants? Keeping in mind that each lecturer only had 90 minutes to deliver his/her session and furthermore, an “ice-breaking game” so late in the course didn’t make much sense. Furthermore, by that time most of the participants already knew each other. This was all rather puzzling to me until I discovered the real reason the following morning. According to one of the participants, this particular lecturer normally conducts the first session of the course, therefore, it is understandable to have an “ice breaking game” at that time since everyone is new to the course and it would be a good time to know each other. However due to a scheduling issue, the Coordinator of the course had to switch the lecturer’s session with another lecturer’s session, thus pushing back the particular lecturer’s session to a later time. From what I have experienced is that this particular lecturer must have a pretty standard and rigid pattern when he conducts his session. It appears to me that it doesn’t matter to him what time of the day his session is conducted, irregardless he would just follow his usual pattern. A person who is flexible and “open” would probably leave out the “ice breaking game” and go straight to conducting the session making it relevant and useful. A flexible person would also take into account the time of the day and the class environment at the given time so that the session can be tailored to suit the mood and the need of the class.

It is my view that dealing with a person who has a rigid or set pattern is easier compared to an unpredictable person. The reason is because it is easier to predict the person’s next action and you will have sufficient time to plan your strategy to engage that person.

Story No. 4 - Madam X and CPF

My mother’s good friend whom I shall call here as Madam X lost her husband to old age some years ago in Malaysia. She managed to obtain the probate and the assets were distributed accordingly. However, a few years later, she received a letter from Singapore’s Central Provident Fund (CPF) Board notifying her late husband that he still had some monies with CPF. Madam X came to see me with the letter from CPF and asked for my  assistance. I informed Madam X that legally, the Malaysian Probate would need to be resealed in order to claim the monies from CPF. Keeping in mind that Madam X is an elderly lady and works in the school canteen, traveling would be quite a hurdle for her. Therefore,  I informed her that I will contact my friend who is a Singapore lawyer and seek his opinion.

I explained to the Singapore lawyer of Madam X’s predicament and the lawyer said he would do some research and come back to me. A few days later, the Singapore lawyer informed me that it would be better for Madam X to come to Singapore and personally see the officer at the CPF Board in order to resolve this issue. The Singapore lawyer volunteered to accompany Madam X to the CPF office and his services would be pro bono. I appreciated the Singapore lawyer’s kind gesture and informed Madam X the good news.

A day coinciding with the school holidays in Malaysia was set for Madam X’s visit to Singapore. I guess I was more anxious than Madam X with regard to this matter. I was on the phone with the Singapore lawyer frequently to follow up on this matter. On the appointed day, the Singapore lawyer and Madam X went and see the officer at CPF. It took quite some time before Madam X called me to inform that everything had been settled. Didn’t quite understood what she meant, I immediately called the Singapore lawyer and this was what he explained. The officer at CPF was very helpful. The CPF officer told Madam X that normally they would require a probate in order to release the monies. However, as an officer, he has some discretion and in order for him to exercise that discretion, there must be three things that need to be satisfied. One, the proof of identity of Mr. X. Two, Madam X was legally married to Mr. X at the time of his death and three, the death certificate of Mr. X must be produced. Fortunately, I have asked Madam X to bring all of the original documents with her to Singapore, just in case if the documents are required to be sighted. After the CPF officer examined all the documents, he informed Madam X that he is satisfied that Madam X had met all the 3 conditions and therefore, would be exercising his discretion to release the monies to Madam X.

I was very impressed with the way the CPF officer handled the affairs. He wasn’t rigid and he knows when to be flexible when it comes to exceptional circumstances. Of course, in order to be given that kind of discretion, a lot of confidence and responsibilities have been  placed on the officer by his employer. To quote the famous line the Spiderman movie, “With power, comes with great responsibility”. I once asked a retired senior government officer, “why can’t all governments give their officers flexibility and discretion when making decisions?” “Wouldn’t this cut all the red tape and get things done quickly?” The retired senior government officer replied, “Giving government officers flexibility and discretion can  easily open up to abuse of power or even worse, it may lead to corruption. Therefore, we always have in place a standard operating procedure for the officers to follow so that their decisions will be uniformed”. In other words, rigid but seen to be fair. There are always two sides to a coin. Personally to me, as long as the person is taught that it is okay to be fair and flexible, I think flexibility should be the flavour of the day. What do you think?

Stories about being Flexible (1)

Some of us grow up in a rigid environment that involved a regimental or a disciplined lifestyle. For example, everything must be done in a certain regular pattern. For instance, my father is a stickler when it comes to restaurants. He prefers to eat in the restaurants that he is familiar with rather than exploring new restaurants. His reasoning is, “Why go and look for trouble when you know this restaurant serves good food?”. It makes sense but at the same time, it also restricts future options. Another example is my son who used to follow to a strict pattern when it came to timing. When he was a young kid, the nanny used to feed him lunch at 12.00pm, bathed him at 4.00pm and dinner at 5.30pm. For a long time, he sticked to this “schedule”. I remember when he was 6 years old, we were out somewhere quite far from home, suddenly our young son asked us whether we could be back at home by 4.00pm? We were surprised and asked him, ‘“Why?”. Our young son replied that he needed to be home by 4.00pm to shower. My wife and I burst out laughing but we when we saw his face, we knew he was dead serious and nothing was going to change his decision! So, we thought we needed to change his mindset and teach him that it was perfectly fine to be flexible in life as long as your objective remains the same. I was reminded of the analogy of an airplane and its destination. The analogy is that “The destination remains the same but the flight path may change”. Why the change? Well, it could be due to bad weather or strong turbulence that requires the plane to divert from its usual route. However, the destination will always remain the same. Therefore, being flexible is a good thing to have in our life. I have a few stories about flexibility. Here are the first two stories, the rest will be in the next posting.

Story No. 1 - The Stewardess with the food cart

Someone told me a story about a particular airline that prides itself with its inflight service. When it comes to serving meals, the Stewardesses would push the food cart and ask the passengers, “Would you like chicken or fish?”. In other words, the passengers have an option of having either the chicken or the fish meal. For some reason, on that particular day, the fish meal was very popular and they ran out rather quickly. My friend didn’t know about it. So when it came to my friend’s turn to be served, being ignorant, he requested for the “fish”. The stewardess very politely replied, “I am sorry, Sir, we ran out of fish, we only have chicken”. My friend responded, “No problem, I will have the chicken then”. After serving the “chicken meal” to my friend, the stewardess pushed the food cart and went on with her usual mantra, “chicken or fish!”. My friend just shook his head as he couldn’t understand how could the stewardess rambled the same line when she knew very well that they already ran out of the “fish meal”. My friend informed me that perhaps the cabin crew have already been instilled this sort of training and delivery lines into their heads so deeply that flexibility no longer applies when it comes to serving the passengers. Another school of thought could be that it was a way of pleasing the passengers by giving the perception that options have been given to them when in actual fact, there wasn’t any. To me, the second option doesn’t seem plausible as it could be deemed to be deceitful and I am sure airlines would not do that.

Story No. 2 - “The Standard Operating Procedure”

About 15 years ago, a friend of mine came and see me because he wanted to take a housing loan from the bank and needed someone to assist him with the loan documentation. As some us know would know in Malaysia (not sure if this is still the case or not), in order to prepare loan documentation, the law firm must be in the bank’s panel of solicitors. I informed my friend that I am not in any of the bank’s panel. My friend said that he had already checked with the bank officer and he was informed that all he needed to do was to give a letter appointing my firm as his solicitors and my firm can prepare the loan documentation for him. He also informed me that the bank had their own loan documents, so all I needed to do was to purchase them from the bank’s head office. The next day, I sent one of our staff to the head office to purchase the loan documents. After a couple of hours, the staff returned from the bank empty handed. He said the bank needed a letter from the law firm authorising him to purchase the loan documents on its behalf. So, I quickly prepared the letter and gave it to him. My staff rushed to the bank and came back again empty handed saying that  the bank couldn’t find the letter from my friend appointing us as their solicitors in their file. Therefore, they requested for another letter. Getting frustrated, I called up my friend and related to him what happened. My friend asked me not to worry, he would go to the bank’s head office himself and get those loan documents. After that, he would bring them straight to my office. A few hours later, I received a phone call from my friend sounded very agitated. This time, it was me who asked him to cool down and tell me what happened. This was what he said, “The bank would not allow me to purchase the loan documents even though I am the borrower and the client”. He said to add insult to his injury, the bank required the following documents before they can sell the loan documents to him:-

1. The original letter from him appointing us as his solicitors; and

2  A letter from my law firm authorising HIM to purchase the loan documents on our behalf.

My friend told the clerk that since he is the client, why does he need a letter from his own lawyers authorising him to purchase the loan documents? Thinking that the clerk may not quite understand him, my friend said he tried to put it in layman’s words to the clerk, “I am the “boss”, why do I need a letter from my own lawyer authorising me (the “boss”) to buy the documents?”. The clerk had no words to say. The clerk took out a checklist and showed to my friend that he was merely following the “standard operating procedure”. The list has got a list of things that require a tick. If one of the box is not ticked or marked, the clerk will be in trouble. My friend emphatised with the clerk but he just shook his head in disbelief on how rigid the bank could be. Some flexibility and common sense would work well here.

I remember another incident where I went to collect the original title deed from the land office. I was told by my colleague to bring both the firm’s rubber stamp as well as my lawyer’s rubber stamp in case the land office needed verification. When it came to my turn to collect the original title deed at the land office, the person attended to me asked “Where is the law firm’s letter authorising you to collect the original title deed?” I informed the person that I am the Principal of the law firm and I have the law firm’s rubber stamp, my lawyer’s rubber stamp, my business card and a Photo ID to proof who I am. In Malaysia, all law firm’s letterhead must have the name of the lawyers printed clearly. Not only that, the names must be differentiated whether they are partners, consultants or merely employed lawyers. The letterhead in his file as well as mine clearly showed that I am the Principal lawyer in the firm at that time. The person still refused as he was merely following “Standard Operating Procedure”. I refused to budge as I waited a long time for my turn to collect the original title deed, so I continued to make him see where I was coming from (ie: common sense and some flexibility). Finally, the person relented and told me very clearly, he is making this exception only ONCE! Next time, he will need a letter and to put it clearly, “this is NON NEGOTIABLE in the future!” Will talk about other stories in the next posting.

Stories relating to Self Esteem (2) - Personally, one of the finest moments for me as a lawyer

 Incident No. 2

This is the second story relating to Self Esteem. It happened close to 18 years ago and I could still remember it vividly because it was like a story out of a Hollywood movie. This incident was the result of a murder, suspected infidelity, jail and young children. You may asked me what has all of that got to do with Self Esteem? Well, nothing directly but the consequences deeply impacted the children’s self esteem.

It all happened one day when my mother’s long time facial therapist enquired if I was able to assist her nephews and nieces in sorting out their financial matters including a real estate property. Initially, I thought they were all grown-ups but when I was told of their age, I was taken aback. They were all minors except for one who had just attained the age of majority. Naturally, the first question I asked was  “What happened to their parents?”. The aunt replied, “Father is in jail. Mother is deceased.” According to the aunt, except for the eldest who has a boyfriend, the rest of them are living with the late mother’s sister. The aunt then said, “I know lawyers are expensive and they don’t have much money.......”. I told her not to worry about that, bring all the documents to me and allow me to have a look. I informed her that once I have seen all of the documents, I will call them to come to my office for a discussion.

A few days later, I received an envelope containing a stack of documents. When I opened up the envelope, I found bank statements, a copy of the title deed and lots of newspaper cuttings. Initially, I thought it was the late mother’s obituaries. However, when I picked up one of the cuttings, I was shocked to discover that the late mother was murdered. What was even more shocking was that the murderer was none other than the father himself who was then awaiting sentence in prison. The newspaper cuttings contained a number of gruesome pictures and also heart wrenching photos of the children clearly in distraught. Sometimes, this made me wonder about the standard of reporting and ethics in journalism. Personally, I do not agree of publishing such photos in magazines, newspapers or any other publications.

Based on the newspaper report, the children’s father was a push cart fruit seller while the mother had recently got a job helping out in a coffee shop. Money was tight for the family, so the mother worked long hours. Apparently, the owner of the coffee shop was rather sympathetic to the mother and frequently asked her to take back the remaining food for her family at the closing of each business day. Meanwhile, the father was becoming suspicious of the business owner who had been very kind to his wife. The father had frequently quarreled with the wife about the business owner’s kindness shown towards the wife. One evening, the father who was heavily intoxicated waited for the wife to return from work. As usual, the coffee shop closed rather late and the wife came back all tired and ready to go to bed. The father insisted that the wife spent some intimate time with him but the wife refused saying she was tired. That triggered the father. He became infuriated and accused her of many things. The quarrel then escalated resulting the father stabbing the mother numerous times. The heart wrenching part is that while all of this was happening, the children were present. You can imagine how difficult it had been for the kids. Even as I typed this article, I could still feel a lump in my throat thinking about it.

After studying the documents, I was ready to meet the children and called them in for a meeting. There were five of them who came including the eldest daughter’s boyfriend.  The eldest daughter being older and more mature was the spokesperson. I was amazed with her emotional strength as she related to me the incident and the help she needed. The rest of the kids were polite and rather quiet. When I saw them, they had very low self esteem as they felt defeated that they could not do anything to save the mother’s life and also, they have been shunned by many so called friends due to the incident. Putting aside all emotions, I proposed to them how we are going to proceed from there and this involved getting the father to sign some documents. I informed them that I will need to go to the prison to explain the contents of the documents to the father and then to witness his signature. I invited them to come with me but all them refused. They told me that they could not forgive what the father had did to the mother. They didn’t want to have anything to do with him at all. On one hand, I could understand where they were coming from but on the other hand, I felt that this would not solve the ordeal, the emotions, the low self esteem and more importantly to find closure, which they really needed. So, I told them to come with me and just make the introduction so that the father know my role and purpose of the visit. I told them, it would take less than 5 minutes. The eldest daughter informed me that she will come with me. She and her boyfriend will meet me at the prison. So, we fixed the appointment and agreed to meet in front of the prison on that appointed day and time.

On that fateful day, I was surprised to find that all of the siblings were there besides the sister and her boyfriend. Together, we went to the reception area of the Prison to register our visit. The warden who was manning the counter informed us that he couldn’t allow me to go in with the prisoner’s children as I would be going in as a professional person (ie: lawyer) while the rest would be visiting the prisoner as family members. Leaving me with no choice, I told the children to go ahead and see their dad first. More importantly, to let him know that I am the lawyer and the purpose of my visit. Due to security reason, I was not allowed to enter the prisoner’s visitor area until all the children are completely out from the area. While waiting for the kids to come out, a warden approached me and out of curiosity, asked me why did I come to the prison because as far as he knew the prisoner had a court appointed lawyer and the lawyer had since discharged himself from representing the prisoner any further. I told him that I was representing the eldest daughter and her siblings. The prison warden informed me that the prisoner was just like an ordinary “uncle” and at one stage was placed in a mental facility because he got very agitated and guilty whenever he recalled the incident. He would hit his head against the wall whenever he recalled the incident. The prison warden said that the prosecution team said that they could assist in recommending a life imprisonment if the prisoner’s lawyer make a written request for it. Since currently, there was no one representing him, the prison warden asked me to consider representing the prisoner and make the request on the prisoner’s behalf. While giving some thoughts to that discussion, I couldn’t help but noticed that the children’s visit had taken more than 5 minutes and we were closely approaching an hour. When the children came out, they told me it was a good visit and I could see teary eyes in most of them. I bid them farewell and proceeded to visit the prisoner.

When I walked into the prisoner’s visitor area, a man in prison uniform whom I recognised as the father quickly stood up and greeted me. I couldn’t help but noticed that he was handcuffed, meaning that the prisoner could be dangerous and there were wardens just a few feet from the cell for my safety. The first thing he did was that the prisoner took out a can of soda and offered it to me. I knew that the can of soda was considered as a “luxury item” as it was bought from the prisoners’ canteen with hard earned prison wages. I told him to keep it and save it for himself later. However, he insisted and pulled the tab from the can and passed it to me. There was no way to say “no” now. I asked him whether his children had told him about me and the purpose of my visit. He nodded so I proceeded to explain to him the contents of the documents. He was listening closely and at times smiling to himself as if he was a happy man. By the time, I finished explaining, I asked him if he had any questions for me. He said, “no” but he said that he would like to say “thank you” to me for looking after his children’s affairs. I felt that this would be the right time to tell him what the prison warden told me about requesting for a life imprisonment rather than capital punishment. He just shook his head and informed me that he was aware of it and he had been informed a number of times by the prison wardens. Even his previous lawyer advised him the same thing but he refused to request for a lighter sentence. He told me it was time for him to pay for his crime and to meet his Maker (ie: he was prepared to die for his crime). He said even if he was released, he could never forgive himself and he will be shunned by his family and friends. He said his time was up in this world and this was his decision. There was nothing further for me to say, so I stood up and shook his hand. I bid him farewell knowing that would be the last time I would be seeing him and wish him well.

A few days later after everything had been completed, I called the eldest daughter to drop by my office to collect the documents. At this point, I just want to say that never had anytime did she ever asked me about the cost or bill for the services and neither did I mention about the cost. So, I was at peace knowing that on the day when she comes to pick up the documents, that will be that and everyone will be happy. No need for anyone to be uneasy and that makes my life happier. On that appointed day, she came with her boyfriend and collected all of the documents. I went through with her one document after the other so that she was aware what the documents were. After everything was done, I wished them all the best and opened the door for them to leave. However, they just stood there and asked me that dreaded question, “How much for your services?”. Again, I was reminded of my experience in USC, so I said, “the disbursements (out of pocket expenses) is so much (can’t remember exactly how much now). Don’t worry, you can pay me anytime” and I quickly showed them to the door. The eldest daughter may be young but she was definitely not naive. She said, “That is your disbursements but what about your fee?”. I just stood there dumbfounded, didn’t know what to say. She opened up her bag and shove a stack of notes into my hand. I could see a few fifties and hundreds. The money looked like it came from their savings. I took enough for the disbursements and gave her back the rest, saying “Take care of your brothers and sister. I am sure your mother would want that”. I again quickly showed them to the door telling her, I will mail her the receipt and I have another appointment that I need to attend to. I closed the door before they could say anything. I thought that was the end of it but I was wrong!

Several months later, as a matter of fact, a week or so before Chinese New Year, our then maid who worked for my parents in the family home informed me that somebody had been calling the Klang residence asking for “Lawyer Tan”. When the maid asked who the person is, the person quickly replied, “That’s okay” and hanged up. The maid informed me that the person had been calling a number of times and it made me wonder whether this person was stalking me! At that time, I was living about 35km away from the family home. One day, I visited the family home and was pleasantly surprised to find a huge hamper filled with goodies with my name on it. My mum informed me that her facial therapist’s nephews and nieces came to the house with the hamper. Apparently, they were very grateful for what I have done for them and decided to show their appreciation by presenting the hamper in conjunction with Chinese New Year. I was very touched and humbled by their very kind gesture. This was one of the best memories I have as a lawyer and will always cherished it.